My wife is in Moderate alzheimers. She can still do the activities of daily living, but as of 2 weeks ago, she refuses to do 2 of them. Showering and changing her clothes. In fact she never changes her clothes and wears them day and night. The last she showered was 2 weeks ago. The last time the rest of her clothes were changed (except for underwear since I swapped her panties out on the last shower) was many months ago.

I've tried every technique suggested by AD help books, online comments,etc Today, a good friend of hers visited, and for over 3 hours, we tried every possible bribe (a birthday present, your hair will look like new instead of scraggly), to coaxing to cajoling to threatening (I can't sleep with you if you stink and you're beginning to do just that) to trickery (let me take your clothes to the cleaner- meanwhile you can these other clothes). I've asked, I've demanded, etc. We tried Xanax to take the edge off the discussion and it didn't seem, to affect her.

My main issue is to prevent UTI. my next issue is to have nice, clean looking wife, hygienically sound.

We've even had care facilities indicate that if my wife doesn't change clothes or shower, they might not accept her and she may have to antipsychotics for a week or so, so she can stabilize. That bothered me- I don't want to have my wife to be turned into a Zombie.

any help with any of this ??????????

This is an area in which I had no problems. However, somebody I know used to sneak in at night, steal the dirty clothes and put clean back where the dirty ones had been. They have to sleep at some point......don't they?

I think if you search on this site for other posts on antipsychotics, you'll find that most people don't find their LOs become zombies on them. My husband started on a low dose of seroquel a few months ago, and he's doing fine. He's calmer and easier to deal with, but there's no other noticeable change. Some of those who post here say they would never have made it without the medications like seroquel and risperdol.

I don't understand the inability to take the dirty clothes while they are in the shower. its not a question of whether they want to or not. you must do what you have to and then deal with the onslaught of drama but we all have had to make valid decisions regarding care for our spouses. dirty stinky folks just aren't a part of it.
its detrimental to them and us to allow that to happen. and yes it may be time you visit the idea of a med to mellow her out. if shes having that kind of tantrums over one set of clothing, many well almost all of us resort to meds to iron out difficult situations along the way. not all meds cause zombies. many attest here that it takes time to find the one that works but please don't be afraid to try. you will not last long in this run as a caregiver without the aide of medications along the way. and its a constant battle. changes and dosings are needed - just swap your wifes clothing and be done with it. yes she may throw a tantrum but she may also get used to the idea of having clean clothes. you cant live with allowing them to make the decisions. we have to be the ones to make that happen, and sometimes its difficult but we do what we must. many times the fear is in our own mind as well. and isn't near as bad as we imagined it would turn out.
they are not and should not be allowed to manipulate when their hygiene is concerned. staph infections are very worrisome and hard to clear up if they are a result of poor hygiene. sorry to be so blunt. but been there done that, my title poop queen well you can see I have been thru everything imaginable. it will work out in the end . we must be proactive -not easy to do -but in the best interest for everyone.

watchful I have brought up the old bathing topic. it has a lot of useful helpers.
divvi

watchful, I understand what you are saying as my husband also slept in his clothes. It is NOT funny, but I am sorry, I did chuckle at your comment "It's difficult to change her clothes when my wife never take them off !! " I felt exactly the same way. Bathing and trying to get him to change his clothes were two of the most difficult challenges I had when caring for him at home. Second to only the aggression and rages.

A shower was a guarantee I would end up on the floor. Trying to convince him he HAD to change his clothes was a guaranteed fight. And fight we did!! I feel your pain, but you just have to find a way to get her to change and bathe. Even with Seroquel this was still a battle.

In the earlier stages my taking a shower with him helped. But as he progressed just nothing worked! I remember Sandi* sharing how she actually had to cut the clothes off her spouse and even chased him around with a spray bottle trying to get him clean. So please know you are not the only one who has felt so overwhelmed with this issue.

I also remember Trisinger telling me about how their perception is off and how they might fear the water. I tried everything, I colored the water in the tub to help him see it clearer. Didn't work. I got him a handheld shower head because he seemed just petrified of the shower spray. Didn't work. I tried spilling things on his clothes, didn't work. etc. etc. etc. We kept increasing and changing his meds, it helped with every other area but changing his clothes and bathing.

I still strongly believe he had a true fear of the water. As a last resort I filled up a bucket with soapy water and was able to get him sponge bathe. It was not ideal, it was a lot more work, but it was better than nothing! He was not intimidated by the small bucket of water and I think it was more easily manageable for him. It still took bribing to get him to do even that.

At this point try to aim for once a week (unless there is an incontinent issue, or she does get exceptionally dirty) The nursing homes showers only once a week and their residents do just fine! Keep trying until you find something that will work for you guys. In the meantime, know you have my sympathy and I am rooting for you to find a solution. ((Hugs))

Haven't had to deal with this one yet. One idea someone had was to have identical sets of clothes so when you swap one set you can put an identical set back. Same colours and textures. Also keep the room really warm, when they get undressed, they may feel the cold more than we do.

I truly feel for you this must be another extremely trying time. There are just so many.

There are no-rinse body wash and shampoos on the market. At least if you can get the old clothing off, those can be used without getting into a tub or shower. I bought them at a camping store--I think Walgreen's may sell them and they're available online too. Dislike of bathing seems to be universal in the dementia world.

As we have so often said, what a crazy disease. Glad your husband became more cooperative over time, Vickie. It just shows, we never know what's coming around the corner with this situation.

In the past some here spoke of buy identical clothes for their spouse. That way they could wear the 'same' clothes after they figured out how to get them in the shower.

Right now, think bribes. No ice cream unless you have clean clothes on. Remember the regression to childhood. I'll make another post about that!