Grrrrrr.....I hate this stuff. Hubby was suppose to go to respite for one week on Monday. The Lady that runs it phoned me yesterday about something and he over heard me talking to her. Well that started it....I not going, you can't make me go, there is nothing wrong with me and on and on and on. Even when I tried to reason with him about thinking about me and how this gives me a break because I am getting sick and this way with these little breaks you will be able to stay home longer. NOOOOO!!!! Going on until he heard me call the lady to cancel and now some peace in my cabin.
So on to plan B if he won't give me these short breaks then he has to be placed permanently.
I have learned that trying to reason with them is an exercise In futility. They have a brain disease and by trying to reason with them we are assuming they are the way they used to be. My husband asked me today why he has to go (placement is on Monday). He honestly feels there is nothing wrong with him. My father was the same. He kept saying he could drive up until the day we took him to the nursing home. Hang in there and yes it does sound like placement is on he horizon.
CO2 - Is he at the same stage as my hubby 5? I forget who is where. He told me that he was going to take his pensions and leave and I would have to go back to work.....you promise. I would love to get back to the land of the living! I know I shouldn't reason with him but sometimes you just hope there is something left in there that you can reach.
Amber, I am so sorry for you that your plans for next week have been disrupted, by your DH's refusal to go to respite. I know how much you enjoy spending time with your granddaughter. I haven't tried respite for my dH yet. He calls the 5 hours I get every other week of a caregiver sitting with him my respite, and he thinks this should be plenty. He refuses to go to Day care, even though it was only once a week, so I can't imagine what it will be like when I need him to go to respite for a few days or a week. {{{{{Hugs}}}}} to you.
Amber,I know just what you mean - I still find myself trying to reason with D., hoping against hope that I'll be able to light a spark. Absolutely futile. You'd think I'd know better by now, but there are those moments. Sorry that your plans fell through, though. Maybe it will work out better next time (hope springs eternal?)
My daughter texted me with her words of wisdom...gee I guess I did a good job raising her....anyways her take is that he is scared and confused without me. That she thinks I am his world and he looses himself when I'm not there to be an anchor to his life.
I couldn't disagree with her and it does make the disappointment a little less painful.
I don't think I ever got it through my head that there was no point reasoning with Gord. I think I tried it almost to the end. I think that a part of us believes that if we just try a little harder we can get through to them.
Amber, I am so sorry that you don't get your break. I try yo reason with my DH all the time too. Waste of breath. I have never taken my DH to daycare or respite. My DH's mother and sister have taken him 2 times for a week over the past 2 years. Occasionally they take him for a few hours. But now that he is progressing to stage 6 I don't think that they will. My DH is to aware for placement. I am ready for this to change. I don't know what to do with myself when they take him. I am never given but an hour of notice and have no time to plan anything. All friends have disappeared anyway Again sorry ,hope you get a break soon.
Amber, I am not sure what stage my husband is in because he has symptoms from several stages but I know he is starting to have toileting issues (cannot wipe himself very well and asks me where the toilet is). This morning he flushed the toilet and got all nervous because the toilet was running and would not stop. Of course it did stop once the tank filled. I believe he is pretty much through stage 5 and into 6. His toilet issues do not happen every day but they are starting. He also seems to be even more dependent on me. Has to know where I am all the time. Last night I went out in the garage and he came out to see if I had left. Today my sons and I are moving the rest of the furniture into his room. And next week I call about Medicaid. If anyone out there is even considering placement or even if you think you are not ready for it now I do encourage you to visit facilities and at least get on a wait list. Getting on a wait list costs nothing and it will make you feel better because you r doing something. That is what happened to me. I started doing research a year ago. I was not ready then but it took almost a year to find a Medicaid waiver bed that would take him. The thing is with this disease you do not know where you will be a year from now. Even though you may be managing now I assure you things will change.
Amber, I'm so sorry, we need that time with grandchildren, and you need the rest most of all. Maybe in a week or two he will have forgotten and you can try again.
Re: not reasoning with them and their lack of awareness about the disease--there is a medical reason called anosagnosia. I'll try to find old threads and bring ttt.
Well because he wouldn't go he is now being presented before a panel for permanent placement on Thursday. Then if accepted the first available bed is his.
I did have him going on the wait list for the veterans center but because of his aggression they wouldn't take him.
I think I know how you feel because my husband refused placement for quite some time. As it happened he (FTD) had a medical/ behavioral incident that caused him to be hospitalized; from there he went to rehab, from there to ALF where he died.
My worst fears were that he would never go and Medicaid. I was beyond the point of what regular elder care lawyers could offer and was consulting with a guardianship specialist. So, I wonder if that is something that might be possible for you?
I was also long beyond reasoning with him and trying to accommodate being told how I was responsible for everything that was wrong. So, I learned to lie about anything and everything just for a moment of peace. Once he was hospitalized his meds for aggression were increased. However, Aricept was withdrawn right away. He had been on 10mg for years, but a trial at 23mg dramatically increased his aggression and delusions.
Thank Abby - I remember reading about your trials with your hubby. You went through quite a lot before he passed.
He is too far along for ALF and not far enough along for NH. So with the aggression I'm in the limbo stage...will know more later today about the outcome of the meeting before the panel.