Two of our girls are here and the third in about an hour...getting lots done...so much to do too. Everyone is being so helpful and good. No problems with attitude....thank God...I'll keep posting....I think it helps me and it may help some to follow with some of the things to be dealt with in the process... Then maybe since I will be sadder but wiser, I'll have some advice too.. you know something to do with Joan's motto!
It's a long and sad death. Deepest sympathy to you. The days behind you were very hard as will the days ahead be. May God give you the strength you need to face each day.
Last night I dressed his Dress Blues for the last time and today I had to take them to the funeral home. It is starting to sink in that he is really gone. I go out and look at the moon through the fog mist and wonder what he experiences and where he is and...so much more. The loss is just awful...
The girls are here and they are a great support. Everyone is getting along wonderfully, no petty issues, no arguments on anything...they are super...and helpful...I would be lost without them and will hate to see them go back to their own lives soon.
My heart aches for you Mimi. I remember suddenly not being able to breath when it would hit me that I would never see Gord again. I still wake up and think for a split second that he is beside me at night. Hang in there. You are strong. It will get easier in time.
We have had two days of crisis events..Yesterday K the eldest had a very serious high blood pressure scare..the sort of numbers that lead to stroke...we got her normalized. Then today, M a sister went to lunch with her sisters and a cousin only to ingest something she is allergic to that was a hidden in the salad...mango maybe..she had a delayed reaction and this evening while going through photos for the slide presentation her throat closed..so we were in the ER again for some hours..she is fine now...Can this all get any crazier?
We are now after 12 midnight and short a couple of hours, looking at my clock, from the hour I lost my Ozzie...what a week.
Mimi* Since I have the * by my name I don't read often here so I'm sorry to be so long offering my sympathy for your loss. It is almost 11 months since Frank died. Grief is hard no getting around it. When he had been gone for less than a month I was sitting at the computer and I felt his presence in the room behind me so real it sent a chill through me. Your experience reminded me. I haven't felt it since. I'm so thankful for you that your girls are there for you. I hope your sister has completely recovered. My prayers for you and your family.
I'm a little late, too, flo39, for the same reason. Don't come here near as much as I used to when Lloyd was still here. Mimi, when you love someone so much they get into your bloodstream, work their way to your heart, and live there forever. He will be a part of you always. How blessed you were to have him go quickly. I know it's hard for you, but best for him. He is in heaven now - all better and whole - dancing with the angels.
Ozzie's visitation, Rosary, funeral Mass and graveside ceremony were flawless. The weather both days was sunny, warm and beautiful . His visitation went from 4 to 8 pm and Los Osos Valley Mortuary. The funeral director there went out of his way to make sure everything was perfect. So many came from far and wide too..and one of our friends put the obit out to the A-4 Community so I have been hearing from many of his former aviator pals.. On Fri I was at the church early as there was an hour before the Mass so anyone who could not attend the services the night before could pay respects. Mass was beautiful. My 3 girls and I and my brother in law who helped so much and none nephew escorted Ozzie in the church..no pallbearers. Out at the cemetery the military honors were rendered and then the final prayers said. Everyone stayed while the coffin was lowered into the ground. Then everyone went to the reception room in the mortrary. They had a nice facility to allow us to host this event! Imagine that. So many folks came..it was stunning...Later I went out and my brother came with me to ensure the grave was sealed properly, sod put back down and I selected the flowers to be placed The love from so many who loved Ozzie and the support of friends made this difficult two weeks possible to get through without coming all unglued. Now I am just exhausted and have so much to do with regard to paperwork, etc...
Ozzie's obit is on legacy.com. or you can google Alfonso Oseguea and read his obit.I was shocked at how fast that got on the internet. He had quite a career. He is going to be sorely missed by so many..I still can't get my head around his death which was 2 weeks ago today, Sunday.
I am glad you had the support of your family to help you get through the services. Ozzie's obituary was really impressive - he certainly made many contributions. Take a deep breath, and try to get some rest over the next few weeks.
Marie, thank you both for your service to this country, and your sacrifices. What an incredible career and life your Ozzie had! I'm sure he was larger than life. I send you my deepest condolences and pray the days ahead are kind to you.
Today is Monday the 26th..two of the girls are still here and don't leave until Wed. It is the first day we don't have to be someplace or a deadline to meet...feels good to sit in jammies and wade through bills to see what needs payment now and get my list of to do items put to paper.
Yesterday my brother took us out for lunch in a glorious spot and we walked the gardens and then later had dinner with some friends...it was a nice day but I was beyond tired. I am slowly getting some air but am still as sea and expect to be for sometime.
The group here has been super and the support of all has been what gets us all through the highs and lows of this disease. While Ozzie did not die of ALZ, and I did not do an autopsy, he suffered other health conditions which were the primary cause..a cardiac arrest. From what the reports said, he had no pain at all. Best of all, and what gets me through this and allowed me to get through the past 2 weeks of funeral planning and the services was knowing what he was spared. He was spared the advanced decent into the hell of stages 6 and 7. He always knew everyone, could do much for himself..did not have to join the poop patrol..just the shower shovers and those who were dealing with eating....and he was spared further episodes of this failing aortic valve stenosis.. To see him suffer any of that just to keep him with me would have been selfish on my part. This doesn't mean I am happy he isn't here, there is so much of him I do miss...Just knowing he is well and whole and in spirit here is a comfort.
Someone else is going to have to plan the Labor Day picnic..we don't have a lot of time. This time I'll bring tons of paper plates and plastic flatware... I'll get back in the saddle though in time....maybe by Christmas or Thanksgiving...or Halloween....I'll be around....
THANK YOU JANG* AND ALL Today the girls were out for a couple of hours and the house was so quiet...I was puttering about doing somethings...sorting papers....and then it moves in that the house is so quiet..The girls leave on Wed and it is going to be so strange. My kitties keep me entertained and they need things...like food and a clean litter box. And they try to help...kitty help is not much help really but they are funny and make me smile. They are going to be my support in those quiet hours.
So much to do..I dread the paperwork part and hope I don't overlook something.
We all lead different lives and have different things in them along with our needs. I don't know what I would do without my two cats. As to the silence where I often go for days without speaking to anyone, I've learned to find things that interest me on Utube where I can find almost anything. I also turn on the TV where I don't necessarily watch as hear but where I also do work to see what I'm interested in an plan to watch that. Finally I have the radio and subscribe to the local newspaper.
It may sound lonely and it is but I still watch over my wife. What it does though is provide inputs and I've found that by opening some input channels, I wake up in the morning wondering what the heck that guy was saying or playing a song or thinking about some issue that was covered.
I hope that your time at sea is short and not too stormy. I never did find my car from that last party.
Mimi*, I don't know what I would do without my Cleo. We lost 2 cats within 8 weeks in 2006. I felt so guilty wanting another to replace them. I found, however, that having a furry creature to talk to helped the terrible feeling of loneliness that one can have when living with a loved one with Alzheimer's. Also, perhaps it is a terrible thing to say but I felt lonelier when Gord was alive, didn't know me, didn't like me a lot and I couldn't get out. We were living behind a locked door so he couldn't escape.
As far as paperwork, I would say to keep everything in one place, at least for a few months. I kept moving things from one folder to another.
Take care of yourself, Mimi*. This is just another part of the whole journey. Those of us who have started the journey before you will be here to put out a hand to help you come along behind.
Today was a nice day...got up, the girls and I went to the cemetery to visit Ozzie and to collect some things from the funeral home like the note cards and some extra handouts. Then we took our funeral director to lunch!! It was a first for him. He did everything possible to make everything go well. There is one thing I warned him about and I"ll share this with anyone who is going to plan a military funeral....there was this strange man both at the church and the cemetery..I did not know him nor did anyone in the family nor friends of Ozzie's who were teachers. Ozzie's friends were a close knit group who knew each other..well this guy was standing by the firing honor guard...and after they fired he went and took all the casings..the funeral director did not know who he was nor did anyone else so I am going to send a letter to the editor and ask that man, whomever he was to return those casings to the funeral home as they are intended keepsakes for family members. So make sure you know who is at the services..we have heard of wedding crashers..now there seem to be funeral crashers too. I have his discription and intend to pass it about..he is in all the pictures and no angel in the midst would keep my casings!!!! grrrrr
Anyway, back to the lunch, it was the first time the funeral director had been taken to lunch by the family he just served. He deserves a raise. He was wonderful covered all the bases and even let me ride in the coach to the cemetery with Ozzie..
Today was warm and sunny. Got errands finished, called the VA and DFAS;; and will be getting forms to fill out etc...the girls leave tomorrow..boo hoo...it is nice to have them here.
Tomorrow is another day, a day for more errands to banks to change the accounts to my tax payer ID etc...and visit doctors who may want to close out his medical records etc..going to be a lot to do.....and the keep papers in one place is just what I am going to do..I have folders and tablets and the dining room table willl host all this stuff as I go through it..and somehow find time to shape up the house too..
I'll keep posting...we never know what we are up against until we are up against it.
Mimi, slow down. You do not have to do all of these things at once. I set up a file rack on my desk and made folders for Letters Testamentary, Death Certificates (certified and not certified) .. and Life Insurance. Gradually added more files., but for the most part, it took me almost six months to get all of the affairs settled, while waiting for appearance at Harris County (Houston) probate court, etc.
You do not have to close out doctor files, bank accounts, and all of that so quickly. It will all be done in due time. Just take care of yourself.
The fires up at Yousemite have debris blowing toward SF and I think down the central coast as well as people here are coughing up a blue streak..and that includes me.
I finally got the records from the hospital for the last 3 days to have all the doctor and nurses notes. I will call the doctor ( pcp) to find out just what he feels he still needs..He can make copies of what I have..
Called the lawyer and have yet to hear back so I am just going to tread water there. As long as I can pay the bills I won't worry too much. I have just been using the hours to do quiet things like the social thank you notes...something personal on each note. This Sat our homeowners assn has a pot luck at our picnic area so that should be nice to attend..Then it is get some much needed rest...but my kitties have to learn to behave first@!
I have slowed down! Almost to a stop sometimes I think. I have most all the papers in one place as you suggested..had a start on that anyway. The dining room table has the computer, all the papers, folders and files etc that will be filled up in the next weeks. Got a big surprise when I went to Social Security...several years ago someone somewhere, without my knowledge, changes the way my name appears on my SS card,,ran my first and middle name together. I had my first name, middle name and maiden name and when I married added my married name...no sweat... Well last Friday, that would be yesterday, when I was getting things organized with the SS folks, who were very helpful, it seems the SLO office did not make the corrections..somehow it has not interfered with my medicare...and I was not drawing SS in my own right yet and will still wait but piggy off DHs. So Monday I have to go back with any and everything that has my name on it, driver lic, pass port, mil id, you name it..Ho hum Then I headed to the VA..was told it would be 10 months before pay would start up..I would get letters first and when I do to go see this gal asap...I might just call our useless congress critter to see if they can be of any use but won't hold my breath.
Other than that I have paid bills and got the stuff from DFAS to do and then a giant letter from the lawyer arrived Thursday with all sorts of instructions, more than I think is really needed and will do nothing until this guy gets back from his vacation....then it all starts up. In the meantime I am going to check on getting a trip to meet up with my brothers at Thanksgiving...that should be nice. I think some short trips will be in my future to see some friends and relatives once I know what th $$ picture will allow at any one time..
I have been exhausted beyond belief from the years of caregiving. I find I will fall asleep about the usual time but don't wake up until 9 or so in the morning so I guess I need the sleep. I have very vivid dreams too and some of them I can actually recall..
Ozzie has been to visit..he called my name the other day and I said back " I'll be right there" until I realized I was alone...then later in the evening when the house was quiet and I had my knitting going, I smelled his scent...so he is still close and I hope he hangs around for some time..I just wish he would help around here..dusting would be nice. Well I can wish anyway. It is one day at a time.
It sure helps to have the support and understanding of everyone here on the threads...
In 1989 Social Security changed my name without my knowing it. I didn't discover it for awhile. Medicare was what woke me up, and then my husband dying and dealing with all that. They don't do punctuation in names. Computers can't read them. ???? !!! The people at the SS office were very nice, though, and changed it with no problem, and Medicare followed suit.
Glad you're coping, Mimi. You're in what we used to call post-partum syndrome and now call PTSD. You'll get through it and as Mary* says, there is an AFTER. For me it's been very good. May it be for you as well.
Guess what I got in the mail today??? A letter from Social Security office in SLO ( remember I went last week to the office in Santa Maria,,they are so nice there) and the letter said that we talked on Sept 5th about my asking for SSI..only I never called them asking for SSI but they outlined why I was not eligible...Good Lord!! I have to go to the SM office on Monday so I think I'll take that letter there and show them..then drop a line to the SLO office and tell them that I did not talk to them on the 5th and they did not talk to my hubby as he was not available : )
I am not going to tell THEM he died on 11 Aug and laid to rest on the 23rd.
Question, How do I know I am now having PTSD? AT Mass tonight the parable of the prodigal son was in the gospel and the Priest gave his talk about how God loves us. Now I am not going on with a religious thing here, just setting the stage for something. The sermon started out with the homily having the song "sometimes I feel like a motherless child" meaning we feel all alone and no one cares..but Someone does..... I got to thinking about that idea a little more this evening and since I have yet to become a puddle, have been able to manage as well as I have is that I do realize how fortunate my Ozzie was to be spared descending farther into ALZ...he was in a good place where he knew me, knew his friends, etc..I was not part of the P&P patrol, he did not need to be fed or dressed etc...AND he was not a candidate for valve surgery if not for this ALZ thing his overall stamina would not permit it and were the doctors to try such a thing, he would either not have survived OR he would have descended deeper into ALZ..so knowing how blessed he was to be spared that and me having to watch that happen to such a dear person, does help me get through a day though I miss him terribly! I kept wondering all along this "journey" what I was supposed to learn from this situation..still not sure about it yet..maybe that I am stronger than I ever thought I was or maybe there is something more I am to discover what I am to do...only time will tell...
One of the gals I work with at Mass lost her husband to a brain tumor..the day my hubby was laid to rest..I just hope all the others on our team will be ok..you know what they say abuot things happening in 3s.