My most precious gift was taken from me today, Sunday the 11th August2013. It was from a cardiac arrest. On Friday morning, about 15 past midnight, he was uncomfortable with his Cpap machine. It was hissing. He finally just took it off. That is when I heard him wheezing badly. He retired before I did and he was fine..this began sometime between 10 and 12. I gave him additional Lasix and wanted to get him to his recliner...he had a hard time just getting down our hall. I had him sit by the front door and called 911. He went to hospital ER and the usual tests were done. It was thought he might have pneumonia as his blood white count was just slightly elevates as was his temp but not by much. But because his O2 sats were not stable he was admitted. Yesterday he seemed better, color good, interacted with visitors etc..had a reasonably good day. But it was found he had an aortic valve has serious stenosis...The meds were increased and some changed but in the end, about 7 am this morning when the RT came to give him a breathing treatment, something happened..the nurses worked on him for 15 minutes and by the time the hospitalist and the ER doc got there to his room there was no pulse.
Now I am lost and at sea with so much staring me in the face..the girls who are overseas are on the way home, the new Tenneeseeian is here now, having come to visit her dad. Tomorrow we start the funeral home search and check with the chruch on when we can have his service...friends are coming from far and wide as are family so it will be in about 2 weeks. The girls are very supportive.
I was blessed that he always knew me, always told me how much he loved me and would tell me that if I ever planned to run away to be sure to tell him so he could come with me, he never had the soiling problems or the feeding issue other than appetitie at times and that was improving, and he never became bedbound...he and I were blessed that he did not suffer those indignities.
But he is gone, the house is deadly quite now and I hope I will feel his presence soon...
Mimi, I am so very sorry for your great loss. No matter how long we know this is coming, we still are not prepared when it happens. Try to lean on your family and friends to help you through this. Take care of yourself.
I feel so badly for you, knowing the terrible pain you are in. I'm thinking there will be few harder nights then this. Glad more loving support is on the way. I send you hugs and prayers. And the hope of some sleep...
I'm so terribly sorry. What a horrible shock. I hope you can find comfort in your family and in knowing that you were able to share so much with him throughout his illness. I send you peace and love.
Mimi, I am so saddened to hear of your loss. I wish for you all the strength you need over the next few days and several months you will need. Remember to keep taking care of yourself.
Mimi---I'm sorry for your loss. Please try, even in your sorrow, to see the blessings. Aortic Stenosis took my husband a year ago, July. The Dr. estimated we'd have a year---we had a month, but he was spared the lingering, isolating passing of his Dementia. He was on his feet....he knew me. The Dr. told me, the passing from this is very seldom painful...more like just slipping from resting to sleep, then slipping away. Take comfort in your friends and family. He is now safe and whole; you saw him through with dignity wrapped in your love. May Peace now enfold you, knowing you did your best and it was enough.
Mimi, it's so good that you're aware of your blessings in regard to your DH. I know you will come through with strength--I remember how you seemed when you first started posting and how much better you sounded as you adjusted to the situation. I hope you can find peace soon.
Thanks,everyone. It is not yet 24 hours...that would be about 0701. The doctor did tell me Ozzie had no pain, just as said by Carosi2, the heart just could not withstand the workload and like the wt lifter, just started to shudder and then stop and drop the load...and there was no pain. After his echo, which was on our Anniversary, when we got the debrief, I was asked " do you know his wishes and do you have advance directives"..the answer was yes. I was not given any sort of time frame, but now I suspect they were trying to tell me he would leave me soon..
He is in God's care now, and as we tell everyone and now have to stand by it, he is once again happy, healthy and whole again.
I am so very sorry Mimi. I hope your memories wrap you in a protective cloak of comfort. I also hope you get your wish and that you soon feel his presence still with you. ((hugs))
Hi, Everyone. I am stopping in on a break to thank everyone for all your kind and supportive words of sympathy and encouragement. I had a wonderful experience last night and often today. I had a hard time getting to sleep...the room was dark but it became darker still with a sort of deep dark swirl of a cloud going around and then suddenly there was a sort of white cloud like mist...don't really know what to call it.It seemed to take my hands, both of them and raise them up. This "presence" remained and I could feel the changes in the strength of my hand being held..sometimes with a stronger squeeze other times it would lighten. Finally my left hand was freed but this presence held strongly onto my right hand until I fell asleep. Several times today, while mortuary shopping, my hands would be held as though I am being guided by my Ozzie in the directions of what he wants. Whatever it is, it is comforting.
Mimi, i want to send my condolences on the loss of your husband. And I want to comment on your last update to us. I firmly believe that our loved ones can reach out to us when they die. How wonderful a gift your loving husband gave you today. I hope it continues to give you strength and peace in the coming days nd weeks.
Mimi...I haven't posted in months, but read most everyday. What a shock to see your post and your darling one gone. I always loved reading your posts and how you related to your darling one. You are in my prayers and I will always remember your loss because it now is almost a year (August 28) since I also experienced the end of life as I had known it with my Jim. Please keep us posted on how you are doing. Take care my friend.
Finally! finished with the mortuary shopping. Had to visit 3 and find a suitable cemetery. Ozzie always wanted Arlington but after the snafu with the names of people in the wrong places he decided against it. And there is not a national cemetery near us now so I found one 20 miles up the road that has a beautiful area for veterans. In fact they host Memorial Day and Veteran's Day services at which I have been a speaker a couple of times...so I feel very comfortable with the location inspite of the miles. The area is a quiet area, quite peaceful and beautiful. It is a wonderful location to retreat to in order to "regroup", recharge and recenter themselves. So this makes for a wonderful alternative to a National Cemetery. Now to get the Mass schedule etc settled, obit and some of the other details..It is coming together nicely.
Without Ozzie somehow being beside me as I go through this phase, the last gift I can give him on this earth, I don't think I would be coping as well as I have been up to this point. He is a man to be honored...and it is my honor to do this for him.
I'll miss him forever...it has really yet to hit me and I think when it does, the force will be overwhelming...
Mimi, you have been in my thoughts so often ((hugs))
I rarely share this, but when my Dad took his life I was just distraught and overwhelmed with shock and grief. I 'woke' one night to the song "Ooh Child" (things are gonna get easier) playing in my head and it was my Dad's beautiful voice I heard singing it. I also could still smell his scent and feel the pressure of where he had held my hand and kissed my cheek.
Now I do not know if he was really there, if it was just a dream or if it was a mind gone mad with grief... neither do I care. It brought me great comfort when I needed it most. It still moves me deeply......
I am happy for you that you can feel your Ozzie's presence!
I pray when the "force" hits that it will be gentle with you.. .much love ((hugs))
Mimi, I am so very sorry for your loss, I have been out of commission for a few days and haven't checked on so I am alittle late but..please try to get some rest.