I have been concerned about my DH's Son's not getting the idea of their Father's illness into perspective, but today one was here to take Dad out for the day and boy did he get an eye full. DH was unable to remember where they were or were they were going on their walk. He also stopped someone to ask for directions then about five meters away stopped another person to ask for the same directions. He was very disorientated and confused. He was asked if he was hungry and said no and he was asked if he was tired and said no. Son did not want to hear anything from me on Dad's recent changes regarding his inability to recognize when he is hungry or when he is tired. The tired one is new in the last few days. He will keep going until I have to stop him and make him nap and then he will sleep for his hour or more and is still tired after. He is going to bed now sometimes between 20:30 and 21:00 hrs. Were he used to go at 22:30 hrs. When Son brought Dad back he was stressed and had lots to tell me and was upset that he hadn't realizes that Dad was hungry and tired but didn't know it. He put Dad to bed for his nap before he left and is going to update his brother who is coming next week end to visit Dad.
All these changes in DW re eating an sleeping are just in the last few weeks. Changes seem to happen so fast and it is hard to recognize them. I'm so glad I have this site to turn to
I have always said that there is nothing like having "non-believers" take care of the Alzheimer person for one day or even only a few hours, to make that light bulb go on. It doesn't always translate into more help for the caregiver, but it has still always given me a sense of satisfaction when they finally "get it".
Jazzy - so sorry your son had to go through this to get it!!! Have the same thing going on with my daughter that will moan and groan about her life and when I try to bring something up she is like...I have it way worst than you. Her and hubby aren't close...a lot to do with in the beginning of this disease....so she will probably never look after him and that's OK with me. Hopefully they will be there more to help and give you a break.
I can relate so well about others not getting it. My husband asks about his sister. I wrote her and told her that I was going to place him in ALF and sort of what was going on. It took almost a month before she responded and she told me she was sorry and thinks about me every day and if there was anything she could do to let her know. I wrote her back and ask if she could call him once a week. That was over a month ago. It is so sad. This is his only living relative. Trying not to judge and just move on. I know we cannot change people.
I am glad that he realizes. I hope that means he will help more and come around more. My DH's son says things like he gets it on the phone. That he will come visit more. He lives am hour away and last year came to our house one time and has been here once this year. His daughter has not been this year. She lives in NC. We went to visit her 2 years ago, but he wandered around her house at night. I know that upset her with two babies. She really doesn't want us to visit. I understand that, but she could come here. Her mom lives 3 miles from us and could stay there and just come over for the day. My DHs mom just got it a year ago. We have known what it Is for 8 years.
My dh has 6 children, I don't think they get it, or don't want to. They call on his birthday, Father's Day, and Christmas. One son came in June( first time in probably 5 or more years.) He said dad lets play cribbage. They did't play more than 2 or 3 minutes. That light bulb came on, game over. They seem to think he is just forgetful. Love is not the only thing that is blind. I've ask that they call, or even take turns calling. It's a terrible shame. He worked 2 and 3 jobs to raise them. The Sun will shine tomorrow. Bonnie
Well, 2nd son came this week end to take Dad out. What a joke. This guy is very rich and is very competitive. He wanted to know if Dad plays any games. Like sudoku. dad told him the ones he enjoys playing. Son says what level are you ? Expert? How good is your time? Dad was dumb founded. Son then wanted to know what Dad had done this week!! Well that did it for Dad. He told Son" don't ask me what I did this week I can't remember, and I can't play expert level games anymore just easy and I don't keep track of time as it is just something to keep my mind active. Ask me about twenty years ago, that I can remember." Son was not able to get his head around his Dad's inability to compete at a higher level or remember everyday things that happen. I have spent hours sending him information about his Dad's three Dementia's and their symptoms but I guess he isn't interested. He spent most of his time talking about his golf, his house in California, his condo board. He told his Dad about all his volunteer work at the golf club with old guys and at the condo with old guys. His Dad was confused that he can volunteer with strangers but not come and help him. Just a walk is all I need. So sad!! this terrible disease has taken away his ability to be hurt. That part of his brain is affected now or it would be very sad. He says he has nothing to say to his boys anymore. It's bad enough to watch this disease eat away at their very being but to have their families turn their backs on them makes you sick!!
Sorry that you had a rough weekend. Families can be so disappointing ...self-centered and wrapped up only in their moment. I am so disgusted with my husband's son. He's a real pile. My husband worshipped this ass and it was his pet "kid". I think the last time he saw or talked with him was 4 months ago (not even on Father's Day)! Honestly I don't believe I will contact him when his dad passes. He'll have to learn it "here say". So done with these self-centered "me" only brats!!!!
Jazzy - the mean me would tell you to send him an email with only 3 words in it "TOLD YOU SO" or how about "Now do you believe me" the other me would just say screw them....you can't fix stupid.
Big cyber hugs to all you guys and your spouses with disappointing kids.
I lost this thread, never thought to look on page 2. Jazzy, I am so sorry your dh had to go thru that even if he doesn't remember, he knew at the time his son was talking. Probably harder on you. I have decided to quit trying to help them to understand, my energy is needed elsewhere. Take care Jazzy. Bonnie
DH is off to respite this morning, kids have been told to stop pushing him to do more then he can or stay away. I have a hard enough time dealing with DH and all his demands that I don't need anything else buzzing around me.