Well, Lloyd's family reunion is coming up and his cousin Carol and her husband and kids really want me to go. Before he was ever gone, his mother and 2 brothers were mean and hateful...this coming from people who profess to be such good Christians. A lot of the other family members have stated that they would like me to come. I am torn. But I do believe that this will be the last chapter with them...the big kiss-off, if you will. I am going. And if they, the aforementioned family members, are the least bit rude to me, Carol and her kids said we are all leaving. BUT before I go, I aim to say " I am deeply honored to have been hated by such fine Christians." So there. He has been gone over 5 months and I feel like I am just stuck...in a time warp or something. I still love him truly madly deeply, but alas, he is not here. But "I love you" was one of the last things he could still say. I am so sad for the rest of you still carrying on. I feel like I am worlds away from you now,
I'm glad that his "I love you" was one of your last memories.
My husband died 13 months ago. Because his death was unexpected at the time I didn't really know what this would be like. But once I could start to sort out my thoughts they were that this is not what I expected or hoped. I feel stuck too. Like that movie "Moonstruck (?)" I just want to smack myself in the face and say "snap out of it".
Linda Mc I am sorry that you will see these mean people again. I do like the final "kiss off". That has been my plan for my DH's family, after he is gone. I have given it to them for 6 months and a year over the past 8 1/2 years dealing with this. One day though I know I will never have to se them again. My DH is still here, so I am not saying this knowing whet you are at, but we have felt stuck with our situation dealing with this for so long I imagine that it will take time to feel different once they are gone. I will surely pray for that for you and the reunion.
lindamc, for me the biggest 'kiss off' would be not to attend and ignore the whole kittenkaboodle of them. they would surely feel the sting. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of seeing me or allowing any spiteful comments. if they were like that before theres nothing to stop them full force now that your dear Lloyds not with you. maybe you could invite a few of the ones you desire to share a day with to your place of choosing and purposely ignore the others. at least that would be my 'white glove' slap in the face.. good luck if you chose to go.
Oh, Divvi, you are a better person than me. I know these people...there is no sting in my absence. I am a reminder of what they gave Lloyd - too little, too late. For those of you that are not familiar with my history, Lloyd's mother put together a separate wake the night before his funeral. I had rented the funeral home family center for "neutral" territory. "Her" people never even came over. His closest brother did and paternal aunts and cousins. Abby, the only bad feeling I had were caused by his own mother and 2 brothers and their spouses. I didn't permit them to hover over his deathbed from dawn 'til dusk and I only let the kids and grandkids and his one cousin who stuck by him in early at calling hours. I guess I really pissed them off. Well, that is nothing compared to all the years of NO HELP WHATSOEVER! They would not give me an hour to myself. I married him, not his family. I loved him and he loved me as long as humanly possible and beyond. At his funeral, the last thing was a song by Dolly Parton - "From Here to the Moon and Back". The funeral director told everyone it was a song from me to him. It is a "must hear". You will cry, but you will love the song. Jackie, I am ready for these mean people! He is gone and they cannot touch me or my life anymore unless I so choose. I was nice for years and years out of love and respect for him. No need anymore.
If it were me, there is no way I would go to that Reunion. I believe that it would end up upsetting me, even if I got to say something smart and clever. Forget it! Open a new door. I had a similar relationship with DH's family and the last time I saw them was at his memorial service. Out of sight now is truly out of mind.
I hope you reconsider. It will just pick at your scab of bereavement..and you should just let it heal.
I agree with Nancy 100%. Don't go. It will just bring all the hard feelings back to the surface, as the invitation alone has done - only worse. You need to close the door to your past and open the new door to your future. AND, you don't need any "baggage" tagging along. This road we have traveled is the worse one possible and with bad relatives on top of it, you have shake loose.
As Divvi said, if you are close to that cousin, then do something else with them alone.
You will be reopening wounds that are healing. Don't go.
I love the saying "This is the first day of the rest of your life" -
I'm just happy to WAKE UP every morning! I say thank you, Lord every morning for giving me a new day - I'll try not to muck it up!!!!
I agree. Don't even bother with them. Step-daughter is out of my life completely.I'm still in contact with step-son and his wife but never had a problem with them
I think the line " Revenge is best when it is cold" was from The Godfather...
The best revenge for this lot is the coldest shoulder you can muster..I agree...This is not designed to be 'reunion"....it has an ulterior motive and they will treat you like a skunk at the party. For the few who were kindly toward you, how about hosting them to a dinner out or something nice..But for those who would undermine you when your DH passed and make a mockery out of all of his suffering as well an obvious attempt to rub you out of his life by so doing merits not one second of your time.
The funny thing about this is, even if you make the statement you propose, they are going to have the final sinister grin just knowing for certain they " got to you". Don't give them that power...wash your hands of the lot. Go and do something nice for yourself instead.
Linda, I know your post didn't ask for advice as to whether you should go to this reunion or not, but I must agree with others here and say, "stay home." You are already in a fragile state, so why set yourself up for more turmoil. Just my opinion!
Sorry, guys, I think I have to go. I need closure with them, too, and that can only be done face-to-face. Besides, I am stronger than ever. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have been able to keep Lloyd at home all those years and be the one to handle him dying in his own bed with me. That took determination and the disease sucked the life out of me. Lloyd NEVER sucked the life out of me. And his family would be happier if they got me to stay home...family being mother, 2 brothers, their spouses...five little (very little) people. I want to see Dad...he is the redeeming member of that family and he loves me and has never stopped telling me so. A reunion in the park (neutral territory) is where I can see him.
Linda you are so brave. you do what is right for you. You are brave and strong and can handle any thing that they can throw at you. Look at what you have handled already!! Go and live your life in peace!!!!!!!!!!
Where is Phranque???? He is so darn good with one-liners!! Howzabout "Lloyd and I got more love from each other than most people get in a full lifetime." I was feeling the "family" one time over a year ago and Phranque wrote "Dear poopheads, I have a gun. Lately I have had strange thoughts about avenging the wrong we see in the world. Thank heavens family always stick together and would never do things like treat their brother like he is already dead. That would be very wrong." I laughed and laughed.
Well, apparently the family couldn't handle me...they cancelled the family reunion. Then his cousins an hour and a half away decided to have a reunion. Lloyd's cousin Carol, her husband, and I went together. It went well and we sat around and looked at my photo albums of Lloyd. A couple of the cousins didn't show and I assumed they all did not get along. Then a week later Carol is on FB telling all the McCartys that they can kiss her butt and she will come to their homes and tell them so and they should appreciate what I did for their son and brother - so it was directed at Mom and Wayne, Lloyd's brother. (God, why do I still call her mom? I need to work on that!!!) None of Lloyd's immediate family showed up, but Wayne called everyone he could to tell them not to go because I would be there. I was absolutely speechless. Made no comments whatsoever on FB, but called Carol to make sure she was ok. There will be no closure with those a**holes. Time to let go and realize that I will never see or talk to Dad again. So sad because he is such a good person, but Mom has been running the show forever. So I will be happy with the cousins and his closest brother Bobby and the rest can waste the rest of their lives hating me for whatever reason. Screw 'em!
Wow, Linda, what a "family" (I use that word loosely). They seem to be infected with disease - a cancer of the soul. Poor "Dad' is stuck, isn't he? Sorry for him, happy for you that you no longer have to interact with them.
Linda no matter what you have done or do you will always be their "scape goat" for what ever reason. I have experienced this with some of hubby's family. They want to blame me for all their problems so "fill your boots". I have cut that tie years ago....no time for toxic people in my life.
Fifteen months after my husband's death not one member of his family has expressed any interest in me or how I have been. Not the holiday season, my birthday, his birthday, our wedding anniversary or the anniversary of his death.
One of his parents died since H's death and no one even notified me about that.
I'm actually thinking about relocating to a town about 60 miles from them. Would I even let any of them know? I highly doubt it. Of course, they wouldn't care.
I have to admit that it hurts but also that I really did not expect much different anyway.
I'm guessin Phranque is busy with his classic cars,they take up way too much time,I know I found out this summer,gonna have to sell them and find another hobby that isn't so time consuming.Did Ya hear me Phranque?