Well everything is all messed up for his placement and I'm back to square one....that's for another discussion. What I have been given is 9 days resprite for him. The problem is he doesn't want to go. I finally convinced him that our granddaughter wants to come and visit the cabin....she normally spends most of the summer here at the lake and I promised to take her to Barkerville which is an old gold mining town that is now a tourist attraction. He agreed to go because of her. God forbid he do anything for me and I can get a break.
Next question how long am I going for? This is where telling a fib comes in...you're staying until Wednesday....I didn't say which Wednesday. I'm not telling him he is staying there for 9 days he would just blow a fuse.
This started last night didn't want to remind him before that even though the community nurse came and we discussed this with him last week of course he forgot. So I started to packed some of his stuff up..What are you doing?....I packing for your stay at the hospital......What stay, you never told me anything about this!!! Why am I not packing?...because for over 30 years you have never packed for a trip I always did it. Next he starts going through the suitcase "why so much stuff packed?" ....because I don't know what the weather is going to be like and you may needs different change of clothes in one day while you are there. He then starts taking stuff out and putting it away.
Then the pacing and the yelling starts...I can stay here by myself!!! If that was true then why am I not working. You're trying to hide things from me!!! My memory isn't that bad!!! and did you feed the dogs? No, you fed them 15 minutes ago and on and on...you all know how it goes.
So it is now 7:30 am and I am bracing for the next trip into AZ world. Lets see if I can get him there. Wish me luck.
Amber, my heart aches for you. I think it's so bad when DH refues to go to DC - like this morning, but I know you are having it much worse. Hang in there, Girl. ((((((HUGS)))))
Oh Amber, my heat breaks for you too. I never tried respite for my DH because he would have reacted EXACTLY like your DH did. I know that everyone here says that we NEED respite, BUT what I don't think they understand is that sometimes it just isn't possible. I found out that the Veterans Home close to us has a respite program & I filled out all the paperwork to place him there for 3 days (it was the same paperwork that I would have to fill out if I was going to place him there permanently). Long story short, before I could place him there for respite I ended up placing him permanently because he got violent & I could no longer care for him at home. Fortunately when I did place him he was pretty much unaware of his surroundings & he really didn't know where “home” was. That was last October & he has really declined since then. I SOOO remember the days when my DH would pace, & yell, & not remember the things he did 5 minutes ago. It just beats a person down. As sad as it is with my DH in the Veterans Home I know that he is where he is supposed to be, with caring people taking care of him. I am fortunate that he is only 10 minutes away & I visit almost everyday. (((HUGS)) to you dear Girl!
I consider myself one of the lucky ones. My DH never became violent. Thank goodness, he believed all the fiblets I told him as I was getting him placed in the NH. Our PCP was a great help with it also.
I am blessed because I have not had any of those behaviors. My husband is very compliant. As far as respite goes I have found that leaving him for short stays is good and then working up to a longer stay has worked for me. I am leaving him for a week and he has not said much. This is the same place that I am placing him at the end of the summer. But I can relate because the behaviors you describe is exactly how my father was. We actually had to trick him to get him to the nursing home. It was very hard on my mother but he would have never gone willingly. I had visions of the police coming to the house but fortunately that did not happen.
Well part 1 is done....and he is soooo not happy. I have to go back to bring his meds and the rest of the clothes that he unpacked. His take - I lied to him and next month you are going in here....you promise!!! meals made, room cleaned up for me, really nice court yard, nice staff coming and talking to me OK!!! I know I'm being a smart a**. When I left he looked lost like deer in head lights. But really hard walk to my car to leave. So many here can relate to this.
Amber, I can relate to the deer in the headlights. When I took my dh for respite in June I told him he was going for a "visit". I think he thought we were just going to look at the place. They whisked him off to a room where there was a visiting choir. I unpacked his clothes and signed papers. When I was ready to leave he was in a different room facing the door so I could see him. He looked so lost I couldn't even go in to say goodby. I knew I would cry. Well, I did cry.
Well had my time off it was pretty good. I took my granddaughter and we went on our little trip to an old restored western town built during the gold rush. The city close by it was having a rodeo and celebration town days so lots to look at and do there. Thing I learned while off is I had 2 days to myself and then the rest of the time with granddaughter 9 years old. So I went from looking after the old guy to watching a child and all her behaviours....she was really good but still when tired. I will, the next time I have days to myself, is in the beginning spend time by myself and just allow myself to breathe....just breathe....and then spend sometime with her but send her home sooner so I can have some more time to myself at the end. I really enjoyed our time together but I don't feel rested. Plus I realized how tired and burnt out I am.
Now for the fun part! I go and pick him up today. The only contact I had with him is he called me one day and said I was suppose to pick him up that day and when I said 'no' I wasn't coming he hung up on me. Should be an interesting day/evening. The nurses and care aide all said he was a pleasure to have around and they all liked him which I am really glad because they will take him back. Will update later. Wish me luck!
Amber its nice to hear you and granddaughter had a good time. its a handful to have young ones around during our respite stays. I hope your DH is back to his self and easy to bring home.
Amber, I also have a granddaughter I love to spend time with but if I ever get some respite time, I think I want to just be alone and let my soul catch up with my body.
Amber, I had been wondering how your respite time had gone. So glad you had a great time with your granddaughter, even if it was a little tiring. Next time you will be able to pace yourself better. I hope the day ends well for you.