You manage your board through your own great pain. I have no comments on the particulars but I do believe that anger or upset is a direct cousin of re-learning to channel our own energies.
To use Nikki's comment 'if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans'. Your own recent developments and my personal experience shows that we don't know and have never known what will happen - and that all through our lives things do.
If we could only understand that we are human beings being tortured. That the fact of being an Alzheimer's spouse means we are subject to pitiful amounts of anguish and duress we would wish on no creature. Perhaps then we would understand that all ideas of motivation or performance or result is about our fight for them and what we were. But we could never save them, and we could never prevent what this tornado of a disease does to our lives; but somewhere, sometime, those that survive and heal I believe are those that come to understand that the day comes where they are fighting for their own lives.
I took a friend last weekend to re-unite with a five couple weekend that hadn't happened in over five years. She lost her husband to cancer three months ago. Sitting on the dock in the hot sun she started crying that her husband couldn't be here and that she couldn't bear the idea of enjoying herself swimming. I told her the road was to learn in time that it really hurts that they're not here - but that to not enjoy swimming now refuted the value we said it had in the first place.
I can't celebrate my memories if I'm just a victim of alzheimers. I can't breathe the air and say "wish you were here" and feel the joy of that for it's own sake. I can't smile at the beautiful day or the beautiful weekend and know how I miss her.
No. I don't believe in that. I have always been tested by my creator and I'm being tested now. I must be what I say or fumble in the wardrobe of which outfit belongs to which idiom and I see that as useless, happless, underwhelming failure.
You're a good person Joan. You are much more than you give yourself any shred of credit for inside and that is not making it easier here. I have a lot of respect for you. I am a critical judge. And I truly hope for all of us a manageable road and days down that road where the beauty of life feels like joy again.
thanks from me too \joan, that thread was a bit disturbing. We all love each other here, and it is sad to see some get upset. NO NO NO ONE can sit in our place, they have to be an AZ spouse. It does not make us better or more deserving, but it does make us hurt uniquely.