I have found that my DH has numerous faces since he has Dementia. There's the sad face happy face, mask face. Angry Face stubborn Face, cruel face, little boy can't have my way face, lost somewhere face, confused face, aggressive face. Who is that face, what is that face etc. I have gone through my pictures to try and find some of the old faces that were so kind and loving and he looks so different from then to now. He was happy and teasing and mischievous. That is all gone and it is like a robber came in and stole all those lovely faces. This disease is such a robber. It steals not only their faces but heir emotions and love and kindness. It steals their very heart and soul and leaves these blank empty places. I still know he is my husband and I love him dearly and would give anything to have him back as he was all those years ago, but that is not going to happen and I can't for the life of me understand how families can walk away from him and not even try to be there for him. What happened to that love that was there before? Where did everyone go?? He is here but not here!!
Jazzy that's all very true they do have multiple faces and masks. but if its any consolation, in the end stages where we are, they become very infantile and loving. there are more endearing faces too. the frightened face, the I don't know you but you are loved face, a peaceful face, the I am dependent on you face, and a more child like look that can be quite adoring. I guess this is what makes our end choices so very difficult when the time comes. they revert from our loving wonderful spouses who cared for us, to a child who is all dependent on our care. its my belief too they are in there at many levels and are able to come back to us at intervals during the disease.
Awwwww Jazzy, so very true and I too can not understand how family can abandon their loved ones. Divvi what you said brought tears to my eyes... I remember when briegull* lost her husband, she said how much she missed "her boy" too, that really stuck with me.
Yes, we've had all thefaces,divvi is right,now that we are entering stage 7, we have the child,don't leave me face. My MIL controlled Sonny when he was a little boy by threatening to leave him(she told me this herself,thought it was funny).I continually reaffirm that I will never leave him, will love hhim forever and will always be here for him.And that our children and grandchildren will be here.I can't imagine a mother threatening her only child like that. Have any of you had childhood fears return to your LO with the AZ?Oh, how I wish I could know what goes thru his mind so I could reassure him.As bad as it is for the caregiver, can't imagine how it is for the sufferer.
I had an experience with my Mother years ago. She was in end stage, just curled up in the fetal position . She woke from this state to talk to my DH and I and she knew who we were. We had about five minutes with and then she was gone back into that world where we can't go. I know she knew who I was because she used a pet name from my childhood and called my DH by his name. I saw that little girl face at that time and she was warm and loving. I see all these faces at different times and it is so heart breaking. He is here for a time just like he used to be then tomorrow morning he is back into one if his other p,aces and the face is different again.
Thanks to both if you. I value your comments very much! You both give such good and loving advise.
Jazzy, my mom had vascular dementia. One day, many years into the illness, she looked at me and said that she loved me like a daughter. I laughed and said I was her daughter. She thought that was hysterically funny. Come to think of it, I don't think that mom ever told us that she loved us. She would say that she loved all of her girls, but I don't remember her ever saying that she loved me. Sort of sad.
One day, she was hospitalized with dehydration. She hadn't talked to us for some time. All of a sudden, she looked at me and said we have to go shopping. It has been far too long. It was all I could do to keep her in the bed. She even used my name. Then she was back in her own world again.