Today was suppose to be his first day going but when I went to get him up he said he didn't feel good. So no going today...I was so looking forward to one day to myself had plans to meet with my daughter and granddaughter for lunch and then some antique shopping. The one thing, once I had a chance to think about this, is that if he won't go to day care then the decision for him to go into LTC is being made easier for me. Like so many of you here I need this to end.
I wouldn't remind him its daycare hes going to. just say to get up and dressed we are going out. then take him over without elaborating much. if you give a headsup prior he can have time to change his mind. its called fiblets. and we use them to make things work in our benefit. if it were me I would even try to take him in later if possible even if he missed early.
Amber I just read your note and when my DH was to go to ADP I went through the same thing. The first morning he said I don't feel well, but they had warned me that he would likely do this and I was to say well, just go today and you can lay down there. He went and I called them about 11:00 and they said he was doing fine and was having quite a good day with no sign of illness. I had felt so guilty and upset about making him go and he was fine. I have been told by other care givers that they will try to get out of doing things and will play on our sympathies. I didn't believe the others as I didn't think he would or could play games with me but he does and he has. I have been told by his phycologist that he is very smart and a good actor and very manipulative. I thought this guy was off his beam ,but he had my DH pegged. This was a year ago and I can now get around his games. I don't know if they do it on purpose or what as I have no idea what goes on in my DH's mind and have trouble telling truth from fiction but he is good!! He will come home from ADP and tell me a big story about something that happened and describe every detail but they tell me it didn't happen. Who know? Hope you can get him there next time as it is so nice to have that time off.
The first day I took my dw to adult day care, I was a nervous wreck. She had them call me to come and get her, after about an hour there. She hated it and never wanted to go back. She said she would try it again the next day and stayed around 4 hours. To make a long story short, she would rather be there than home now. The staff is great and that is what made it all happen. I guess some adapt and some don't. She still has some bad days but the good outnumber the bad. Hope it gets better for you. I know ADC is a blessing for me now.
Well the story continues....after a bit down the stairs he comes and then he finds me there...Oh I thought you were going out....like I would leave him alone. Busted!!! But to give the him the benefit of the doubt his hands are really shaking today and he is woozy. Next week I definitely will try what you guys have posted...good advice!
Are they not just the cutest?? Busted is right!! Don't discuss it with him anymore, just send him off next week and tell him you have an appointment. If he says he can go with you , just say not to this one , My Darling. I would like to go alone. And do not say " if you don't mind" it's a learn something new each day life for us.
How I wish I could get my DH to go to day care again. He tried it (once a week) for 5 weeks before Christmas, and he hated it, so I haven't had the heart to send him back. On the other hand, if he doesn't accept the caregivers that come to the house when I need to go out, I can always threaten to send him back to daycare. :-)