As hubby's time to move is coming up.....don't have a date yet but he is the next on the list so I am told. The question I'm trying to sort out is what and how much do I pack. He will be going into a private room from what I understand. I know the basics....but how many sets of clothes? I can buy him a recliner, TV, pictures and books but what about things that are not the basics? What have the members that have placed your spouses found they needed that you didn't think of?
Amber, I haven't yet placed my spouse but when he was in the ALF for 1 month's respite they recommended that I send him with 2-3 weeks of clothes...tops, bottoms, underwear, socks, 2-3 pairs of shoes, toiletries. he was not incontinent but those whose spouse is, the caring spouse often recommends purchasing wipes and pull ups and incontinence products privately and bringing them into the facility for your spouse because it is cheaper.
Also, you will have to label the clothing if you are not doing the laundry...much of their clothes go missing for whatever reason. And I have been advised NEVER send them with designer clothing (Nautica, Polo, Hilfiger, etc) because those are the first to go missing.
Perhaps you should also post this in the thread "those with spouses in ALF's and NH's" to get a more complete response.
What I am looking for is what out of the ordinary did you find they needed. Vet facility is 500 km / 300 miles one way away from where I live. So I would like to have as many things that I can think of covered on the first trip down. I will probably only be able to visit once a month.
LFL - thanks for your input on how many sets of clothing he will need....I guess closet size will dictate.
Also whatever you do, if he has a wedding ring, take it and keep it at home. Get him something less costly. I told my Aunt to get my Uncle's ring and she said " Oh his hands are so big he won't be able to get it off". The very next time we saw him, which was the following week, the ring was off his finger....he tried to tell me he hid it...I didn't tell my Aunt for several weeks as she was going through some medical tests...finally she noticed it was missing. Meanwhile I had asked the staff to look for it..it was never found.
Amber, it was 4+ years ago, I didn't remember exactly so I went rummaging through my paperwork to find the list of the minimum requirements they asked for. This is what our facility asked for: 5 pants 5 long sleeved shirts 5 short sleeved shirts 5 underwear (if required) 5 pairs of socks 1 bathrobe 3 pajama sets or nightgowns 2 sweaters 1 outside jacket 1 pair of shoes 1 pair of slippers
It also noted that electric razors, aftershave and things of that nature are not provided. Though they do provide most hygiene items such as deodorant, tooth brush and paste etc. It also asks that where space is limited that you only bring in seasonal clothing. For example is spring bring in a lightweight jacket, if winter a heavier one. If your DH wears shorts they would ask that you bring them home in the winter when he wouldn't be wearing them.
It really does depend on how much space is available. They do laundry right there at the facility (free of charge) so there isn't a need for too many clothes. I do however like to see Lynn in different clothing so I do have easily triple the requirements for shirts.
I have also opted to no longer make Lynn suffer with all the rolling and tugging involved in putting on pajamas and then taking them off in the morning. I have opted for him to wear the hospital type gowns that they provide. This make his life so much more comfortable during the nightly changes.
Later stage it is also helpful to buy elastic waist pants and shirts 2 sizes too big. It helps greatly to have that extra room for joints that don't move as well as they once did.
Unlike others have experienced not one single item of clothing has ever gone missing. Not even a sock! Though they are extremely rough on items such as glasses and electric razors. In their hurry they sometimes get knocked around and once Lynn's glasses went through the wash. For this reason I would strongly suggest you have a back up pair at home if your DH needs glasses.
I personally felt it was important to make Lynn's room look like a bedroom, not a hospital room. Look around his room and think about how you can make his new room comfortable for him. For example, I brought in our own bedding. I put up shelves to put some of his trinkets on. I had large prints made of his favorite pictures. Things of that nature.
You can make it as personal as you like, some even bring in their own furniture. That is easier in assisted living than in a nursing home environment. Just try to think about what he would like, for example if he like music, bring in a radio/cd player. If he likes to read, bring him in some books. If he likes to watch movies, bring in a DVD player. The only other thing I can think of that I had to bring in was an electric fan.
We will be bring in furniture, the only thing we are buying is a bed. I've been told that don't expect to take anything home later since it might be soiled, getting a cover for a comfy chair is a good idea.
Since my wife can participate this will be easier for me. She will take all of her Springsteen and Asbury Park pictures. The bedroom TV and DVR. One advantage to me is that this will change the look of the house, especially the bedroom, emphasizing to me that our life has changed. Otherwise I might find it harder to make changes to the house on my own.
I figure a week's worth of clothing. No special clothing, if we have a wedding or funeral I will bring good clothing over for the event. We will exchange clothing with what is in the house as seasons change.
At her place toilet paper is supplied but she is picky about that so I expect to be bringing basic supplies.
The Sunrise will supply a small fridge and microwave. Some ALFs do not allow for fridges at all, in many states staff must inspect them every day for expired food.
paul, did sunrise say they would allow her to keep the microwave in her room? When dh was in for respite in the early stages (3 or 4) and very with it, they removed the microwave because they said it was a hazard to someone with dementia. I told them he was still able to use the microwave at home with no problems, but they insisted it was a safety hazard and removed it.
I think it will be based on the evaluation but I believe the exec director made that offer based on her obeservation of L. This particular Sunrise seems to provide very personal attention and will change rules as they notice increased decline. Some ALFs seem to have very strict rules.
This has been really helpful! I wouldn't of thought of the wedding ring. Phone...I can put phone service in his room but I don't think I will because I can see him calling every night and keep calling until he got hold of me and I maybe staying overnight at daughters and not able to answer so he would then get really upset about. I have to remember that it is a different climate down there and he won't need his heavy winter clothing, rain clothes instead. I also never thought about not being able to bring furniture back and cover for it. Good point. Radio is another....though I'm not sure about the TV because then he might just stay in his room all the time and I would like him to get out and socialize with the other residents. Vet care center hasn't just dementia but has a variety of conditions there. I'm told and when looking it up on the internet it's like a small community with a mall that has a pub, hair dresser, store, post office....I was talking to a nurse that used to work there and she said it is a wonderful place to live....that takes a lot of the worry away from me.
I'm sure they use very strong stuff in the NH laundry. My husband's pretty blue sweaters ended up grey. I never took any furniture for the room because he was always up in a wheel chair and I gave orders that I didn't want him left in the room. I felt like it was important that he was out in the day room with other people.
My wife has declined the ALF phone service and said she will use her cell phone. If I get a lot of phone calls I will notify the ALF. This is a sign of loneliness on her part, plus her need to tell me every little thing.
Off topic: I replaced my office's phone system this year. While touring the ALF I noticed that they had the same model phones that we got rid of. I said I wish I knew before we dumped our system, I had many similar phones that they could have used. The phones are no longer made and for something that should sell for $20 you have to pay $100 for rebuilt models.