Our children who have been VERY caring, are now of the opinion that I should sign over my power of attorney to them and have my POA removed completely. I am 80 and indeed I do misplace things often and agonize over organizing and paying the bills. The one son who is computer literate and in the business field wants me to have an allowance every month and has volunteered to totally take care of all my bills so that I won't have that worry. All the expenditures would come out of our retirements and savings. The other son would take care of the more personal side of our wants and needs. This POA and allowance thing goes against my grain and I'm torn between kicking up a fuss, accepting it all gracefully or hoping for the final solution. I don't want to split our family of 3 sons. The other son is in the military and far away. I am going into a unit with independent living apartments in a couple of weeks..
Of course you can't advise me very well as you don't know all the factors, but if any of you are in a similar situation, I surely would be happy to hear from you.
I gave one daughter POA and put her name on my checking acct. and safe deposit box. My financial advisor has my permission to put money into the checking account if asked by my daughter. I am totally able to manage my affairs and woe be to the child of mine who tries to usurp my independence. I have an open relationship with all three of my offspring.
If you are feeling overwhelmed by handling your finances, and you have loving, caring children whom you absolutely trust, I suppose that would be okay. But the fact that you say this “goes against your grain” tells me you are not fully comfortable doing that.
I would ask for a compromise. Much of what they want to help you with can be done without turning over POA to them. They can set up online banking and automatic bill payment for you. They can handle it all for you simply by having your logins and passwords. They don’t have to revoke/usurp your rights in order to do that.
As you say, no one can speak to you and your children’s situation. Sometimes children are thinking 100% about their parents' well-being and motivated by pure hearts, sometime they have selfish motives. I've seen both scenarios played out, and the latter isn't pretty.
I agree with mary22033. If you can afford it or can work out a deal with your accountant, he can be hired to "look over the books" every month or quarter. That just gives you a checks and balances and is an incentive for everyone to do what is in your best interest. It sounds like some legal advice might be helpful in that a limited POA might be the answer. This is a good question to throw out for debate, midwestmn.
How I pay my bills is by the internet...I have my account set up so that the beginning of each month X amount is paid to my main bills and once every 12 months I restart it and make any adjustments. I bet if you went to your bank with your bills they could help you set something like that up. I don't understand why they would need to take over your POA if you feel like you don't want to do it then don't.
You don't need to give POA to have them help to make sure bills get paid. Either auto pay them or have them sit down with you once or twice a month to pay them. My brother who lives with our oldest sister who has VaD writes the checks out and she signs them. Of course she doesn't understand why he does this, but you would.
As you said, it doesn't feel right. Ask them to start in little steps with you.
Personally, I would love to be the princess I once was, with all those details of life taken care of for me. But, I would have to be absolutely certain that the children who are volunteering to take on those responsibilities for me would always have my best interests at heart and not be more concerned about how much would be left for them when I am gone. I think I would be inclined to take Charlotte's advice.
When we had out wills, health care directives and POA's re-done after moving to a different state, we each named our daughter who lives with us as POA. That does not mean she handles any of our finances YET. She was able to sign papers instead of her father when I wanted to sell our motorhome. But if anything happens to me she is in a position to take over if needed.
I'll get back to you after we see the lawyer tomorrow afternoon . I'm praying the sons will be giving me the benefit of having most of my intelligence still working for me. One accused me of being unreasonable. All of you who have commented have provided me with good information. Thanks
You're only 80? That seems a bit young to hand over the reins. I'm thinking once you're settled into your new home you'll be able to set up a system for bill paying. And if you need a bit of moral support for a month or two, let one sit with you. But personally, drive that buggy as long as you can. PS The fact that you are logged into a computer and visiting with your Web Friends means you pretty okay cognitively. Actually, way ahead of many, in my opinion...