Two more days until the 4th. My children and grandchildren are coming over to fish and boat and build the first camp fire of the year. Nothing special - hot dogs and hamburgers. We are still estranged from Bob's children but that is ok. They chose to hold a family reunion in Florida during his birthday when he turned 80. This birthday is so important to him. He tells everyone he meets how old he is. He tells me he wants to be a 100 someday. They said they didn't think it was important, but it was important for the siblings and cousins to be together. They posted 149 pictures on facebook of they jumping in the air on the beach. Bob has six grandchildren they have never let him know, a daughter who has spoken to him in 28 years. Another daughter to calls and tells me she hates me and argues with her father. Like you can argue with someone with Alzheimer's. I call that bullying! Anyway, I did a bad thing and posted under their 149 pictures that I thought they really weren't nice stating the 6 grandchildren he doesn't know. Now they cut him off completely wanting him to make sure to know it was because of me. I did the right thing and apologized to the person I posted the comment. I didn't apologize for the facts as they stand. Bob and I have been married 20 years. I didn't know him when he got his divorce nor mine. His only son did come out and help my boys with the dock - he is very much like his father, very easy going. But then he hasn't bothered to call since then - a month ago. I am thinking rather than have any emotional fireworks, I am just going to turn off my phone on the 4th. I want to sit by the camp fire and roast marshmellows and look at the water, maybe try to get Bob to take a ride on the boat. Good plan?
How unfeeling and uncaring of his family to hold a family reunion, that you and your DH couldn't/wouldn't attend, at the very same time as Bob turned 80! Talk about cold and heartless! They could have had a reunion any time during the year. They should have had a reunion around Bob's birthday, and he should have been the center of attention! Turning 80 is such an important milestone!
Your plans for the 4th of July sound delightful, I hope that the weather cooperates. Have a good time!
You can pick your friends but you cant pick your family. However difficult, sometimes it is easier to just deny they even exist.
My brother and sister did not attend the little memorial event I had for our parents(!) Sister flew from San Francisco to LA but then walked 1.5 miles from the hotel to the location such that she was too late and arrived after it was all over. . . . . Brother was a no call, no show.
I wish I could deny them totally but since they get part of my parent's estate so I have a "fiduciary duty" to see see them again. Not something I am looking forward to, but it will be the last time for sure.
Enjoy your fourth and do what you can to shut them out of your head. (and your life) You don't need the aggravation.
It has been quite a while since I posted even though I haven't stopped reading most of the entries and Joan's blogs. When I saw the title of this discussion I felt it was a sign to jump back in. DH and I met as teenagers on July 4th fifty-five years ago and dated steadily until we married six years later. My earlier posts told about DH being diagnosed with MCI soon after five rounds of chemo. I had been retired two years at that point and he was just a few months into retirement. His decline since then has been very slow but steady. He still sees himself as perfectly fine (and he is, physically) with just a bit of trouble with forgetfulness. My life is way different from what I had looked forward to in retirement but none of the very difficult stuff like wandering, aggression, incontinence--YET. I feel such sadness for those here who tell about these trials. But I do feel like it is just around the corner for me and fear I may not bear up well under very many more years of the stress. I deeply admire all who have been sharing and supportive on this site through the last six or so years. Many names are new to me but I am trying to get a handle on what name/caregiver goes with what situation.
So good to hear from you, susanhere! This road is a very rocky one, as we all know and we all get great support on this site. I wish only the best for you and your DH and pray for strength for you to 'keep on keeping on'.
Susanhere - how wonderful to have met your husband as teenagers on the 4th of July. I can remember as a teenager planning and anticipating the fireworks at Soul Bowl -East Moline, Illinois - the field they played football games on for our high school. Now the old high school has been converted into an assisted living and my mother is there. I laugh every time I go into her apartment - thinking mom's apartment is part of the old Latin classroom. I drive by Soul Bowl on the way and think of the football games, marching bands and summer time fireworks.
I hope you celebrate the day you met you husband this 4th of July. I understand the concern you feel about what is around the corner, I feel it too when reading other's posts on what they are going through. I stopped reading because the emotions were too strong for me. Now I read once in awhile and have joined AZspouse on Face Book. There are so many brave, inspiring people caring for their spouses in worst imaginable times - I hope for continued strength as the times change. Enjoy the celebration of the 4th and fireworks while you can.
Thank you, Vickie, so very much. Today has been a good day, and I can hope for the same tomorrow. The counselor I see keeps en- couraging me to "stay in the day." I appreciate your encouragement and prayers. We will be moving from a multi-level house to a one-story in about three weeks and our home is filling up with packing boxes. My knees brought me to the decision to move, and I have been trying to follow Joan's motto of "sooner rather than later." The best part of this move is that it brings us to the same neighborhood as our youngest son and his wife and baby. A good night"s rest and a prayer for strength for you as well...
Thank you, Lakegirl, for the welcome. Memories are lifesavers, well, at least the ones that bring us smiles. When I first joined this site, I could not read a lot of the posts because they were just too scary to think about. Now I read most everything, but I cannot yet visualize myself in the same circumstances as those who are really having an overwhelming load. How wonderful for all of us that Joan had the talent and wisdom to build this website. It is the only place where we can be open and know others wi ll understand what we are going through. As for the 4th, we plan to eat barbeque and enjoy the community celebration of music and fireworks (unless it gets rained out!)
We will spend the 4th, just like all the other holidays for the last 4-5 years. In a different state than our kids, unable to go to any of the festivities, too hard on DW to handle the crowds. Aggravated at the other (normal) people, for making so much noise, late (10 pm) at night. We used to be those people.
The 4th is my daughters birthday so we will be having her birthday celebration. So even though I'm not an American I still celebrate the day. This year I have to do it from a distance because hubby isn't allowed around children because of his rages and he targets the weak.
Happy 4th to you all regardless of how you are spending it. It is 6 p.m. lots of activity on the lake - I sit watching it as my adults children and their kids are in the yard. Bob is on his third nap of the day. I am packing up food for my daughter-in-law to take home. It as a good couple of hours. I didn't need to worry about turning off the phone as his children didn't call. My one son has a new job and work tomorrow. The other is working tonight. So Bob and I and our deal dog Tiger- will be going to bed way before the fireworks start.
I did put out 4th of July vintage table cloths and cut flowers from my garden - but the party people on the lake with all their boats and kids are not us.
We will snuggle with our dog and hope to get to sleep early. I will be up at 5 a.m. to clean up the kitchen. It was so fun cooking today.. I truly enjoyed it. Bob thought the 4th of July was yesterday. Maybe it could be two days!
Happy 4th to all. Very quiet here with DH in rehab with still broken knee. We loved to celebrate holidays but that has dwindled and with DH in NH rehab, nothing today. Foreshadowing of things to come. I did sing several patriotic songs by myself and very off key. "You're a grand ole flag, you're a high flying flag.....". All together now!!!
♫ ♪ ♫ And forever in peace may you wave. You're the emblem of The land I love. The home of the free and the brave. ♫ ♪ ♫
It will never be what it once was, but it was still a nice day surrounded by family. But there were moments when I reflected back on the wonderful times we had together. How we use to cuddle on a blanket in the grass while watching the fireworks is what I miss the most. Some memories made me tear up, some had me bursting with gratitude for the love we shared and the wonderful life we lived.
Very wet 4th here. Pouring rain and canceled fireworks in most towns. Sister visiting from Kansas, my son, and I had "picnic" with sister at the ALF. Most residents had family members. The cook grilled hot dogs and hamburgers for us and it was quite a nice lunch. We enjoyed our time there and the food was good. Another "first" for me since dh passed. We hadn't done anything unusual on the 4th for several years but always did before alz invaded our lives. Watch celebration from the capitol on TV. So goes another holiday.
My 80th birthday was July 2. Family met for lunch grandgirls who were working and couldn't come called so nice day.