This is not just for Nikki, but as you all know she is the most bestest accepting person and the best caregiver with the biggest heart. But this is for all of you, I love you all I really do.
Nikki, you always talk about the JOY you have with Lynn, despite his disease you look deeper in to him, and see HIM.
Yesterday, I was able to bring Dado home for a 4 hour visit, I just had to he looked so sad when I went to visit. I was having a couple of friends over for pupus and wine, and was supposed to have him home before 8 pm, for his bedtime and his meds. It was such a struggle to wheel him in to the house, to try to shift him in his chair, and I tweeked my back. To stir the cooking pot and keep the eyes in the back of my head so he did not try to stand up. To change and freshen him up, and wash his Roho pillow cover! It all made me see how much it would totally be too much for me, my back is so sore today.
Anyway, about half an hour before it was time to take him home, he started fussing in his chair and I guess his meds were wearing off. ( I was saddened to see that he did not seem to know where he was) I was also disappointed that my guests just seemed to treat him like he was not there.
Then, he suddenly started YELLING AND SHAKING HIS LEFT FIST IN THE AIR< I mean just yelling. At first I thought he was yelling at me and I went over to him. The guests just looked stunned. So I grabbed his hand gently, and slowly uncurled his fingers. As I did that, a pretty moth escaped and flew out of his hand! It was so surreal, and he and I just GOT IT!! It was a moment we shared together, I will never forget it. He had been yelling to tell me he had that moth in his hand.
It makes me cry to write about it, like he is a little child and oh I love him so.
I get it Nikki, I get those moments you have with Lynn.
Yes, Niki is an awesome lady with her patience, love, and acceptance, but on YOUR behalf, Coco, please don't sell yourself short. Your loving caregiving for your dear Dado is not ever to be discredited. You are both amazing ladies and your contributions to this message board are an inspiration for all that read your posts and replies.
*tears* How very beautiful dear sweet Coco ♥ You went to join him in his world....... It is a beautiful thing when we are able to do this. I am so happy for you, for you both, that you had this moment together. I hope you have more treasured moments like this Coco, it helps so much to mend our shattered hearts.
You are holding onto the love you had, but your lovely heart is big enough and strong enough, to also love him as he is now. ♥
It's difficult to put words to my feelings, but I honestly love Lynn more deeply now than I ever did. Yes it is a completely different love, but I have our strong foundation of unconditional love to build on. I am still in love with the man I married, but I also love him just as he is now. I am rewarded by still being able to see glimmers of "My Lynn" to this day.
You made my day Coco, thank you for sharing your beautiful moment with us ((hugs))
Thank you for telling this story, Coco; I find that I spend most of my time just keeping up and tend to ignore interpersonal time with dh. I don't have enough patience with him and then I feel bad that I don't give him more personal time. I have a very hard time with this particular stage he is in (junior high boy - yech). I think I just don't have enough "kid" left in me; in fact, I almost don't remember ever being a kid. I am going to work on that as he is a real sweety.