He may have a lot of problems with my being his caregiver and other symptoms but he sure can handle himself if need be. The staff allowed the patients to go to the church service without them and two who are really advanced went on the elevator to go off the floor. DH saw them and brought hem back and proceeded to give one of the staff a tongue lashing re safety issues. She argued with him then the other staff joined in the agreement. DH said his piece then walked away. I got a call from the first staff member to tell me what he had done but she was not nice and informed me that since DH was coming home and tattling on them that she was doing the same to him. can you just imagine this from trained caregivers? I was picking him up at noon anyway and call his case worker to let her know what was going on. Management was not impressed and it ended up with a meeting this owning with the director and there will be some retracing done ASAP. And the two staff will be separated as they keep telling us that things DH is telling me are his problem with perception. Maybe sometime but not all problems are his perception. I am beginning to think they use this to cover their butts when he challenges them on what he thinks is unsafe. Well we will sure find out soon. They broke rule number one of care and that is " never argue, distract or redirect" and do not retaliate. Both NO! no's I know he is a handful but I was surprised that he is so concerned about his safety and would be able to take on the challenge. He usually comes home all upset and tells me about it.
This happened at his Day Care? Is this an Alzheimer specific Day Care? If it is, the caregiver training is appalling. Their behavior is unprofessional, ignorant, and inexcusable.
The two staff members shouldn't be separated. They should be sent back for retraining.
One more job for you - checking up on the staff. As if you don't have enough to do.
The director of the company has agreed that retraining is needed and that this incident is out of hand and should never have happened. It is not Alzheimer's specific as this is a small town with not many places for the needing care daily can go. This company is really trying and building a new facility that will open in mud August. The supervisor will be on site as will Dr. And all that good stuff it will be a secure site which is good. I'm not finished with them, as he is allowed to walk unattended from his day a way to the Alzheimer's support meeting and also his need to walk is not supervised and he can be gone for up to 15 minutes with out supervision. Last night we were talking about how he handled the situation and we talked about his lack of in site and sense of danger and he was looking out he patio door and he just had the strangest smile and it really concerned me because sometimes he knows exactly what he is doing but most times he just goes ahead and jumps in. This insistent was one of the things that is so strange because it is his deep concern for the safety of the people in his day a way that have no idea what is going on around them and he is forever in trouble with staff for standing up for his buddies. One time one of the ladies was sitting across from him and she looked so sad when the put a piece of pie in front of her, so DH asked her what was wrong and she said" I don't want this kind of pie, I want the other kind" he said "well ask for it" she said no, no I can't do that" he called the worker over and said " she doesn't want this pie, she wants the other kind" they gave her the other kind. With anyone else he is hard and unyielding and could care less, but with these people he is very caring and loving. With me not going to happen. His Dr.'s have no idea why the difference. They say" you can never understand how this disease will affect someone" I'm happy he cares about them enough to fight for them, I am also thinking he is concerned about his own safety as well. This is not over as I will be keeping a close eye on them. One problem is that he is a fraud of retaliation , so he is concerned about telling me his concerns for fee I will make it worse. I will remove him before allowing any retaliation.
Well, the director of the company can retrain the staff, but two things to remember:
1. You can't teach a pig to sing....all you will do is waste your time and annoy the pig
2. You can't fix stupid!
I recommend that you start documentation (if you haven't already) because you may have retaliation issues. This is NOT acceptable under any circumstances!
It's hard to get the facts, as pretty well all of the clients are not able to say what happened and it is his word against theirs. They will protect each other and if things come down on him on Tuesday, and I am lucky that he can make a decision as to whether to call me and tell me to come. I just don't and won't believe that it is all his perception and the Director said that as far as she is concerned the old saying" the customer is always right" is how it goes at this place. There will be retraining for the staff and not just these two. She wanted to go with him on Tuesday as did his caseworker but he said he would like to try it without them, but I have a feeling one or both will show up sometime that day. I may even go on a visit! You just never know where I will show or when!! When DH told the Director where his placement was to be, she told him she has a " special place" in her heart for that residence and she is happy he chose it as he will be well cared for? He just beamed as it was his choice." And mine as well. It just felt right.
Because of DH having bv fronto, his memory is still not bad but he is very much fronto and will argue and insist that things be done right. He need structure and has no problem telling anyone what for if he thinks something is not being done the way he would have it done. He is also ex military and so his training is coming to the fore front making it every difficult to handle him, This week alone he yelled and screamed at two Walmart employees because of their lack of good service and then we went his favourite restaurant for lunch and were told they couldn't seat us and the place was empty as they had three buses coming and they had reserved. Well he let them know how he felt about regular customers being turned away for one timers. I had to take him and physically turn him around and use my hand and strength to push him to and out the door. His mouth kept going as we left. I don't even get embarrassed anymore, just another day in the life and loved one of Jazzy!!
Oh I get it only too well. Mine spouse has bv FTD with Alzheimers.
The major dementia is FTD -- pretty good memory, but the judgement and behavior are HORRIBLE! They are impossible most of the time. It's always "walking on egg shells". Cussing, yelling at the top of his lungs...he doesn't give a flying flip who hears.
I am always trying to stay 2 steps ahead of him....and think...think...think before I speak. Once he gets focused on something (driving etc.) it's hell to distract him. Boy then the memory is very keen.
I am the enemy....and he shares it with everyone. Sad fact, his dense denying dna family believes all his lies! I don't embarrass easily anymore either however, his lack of grooming is over the top. It's always WW111 to get him to shower. Just exactly why don't they like to shower? Does it have to with nerve endings and sensitivity? I just deal with it...whatever. It's just another day in the life of Lullie!!
My guy showers twice a week as he likes to smell good for the ladies, not me, but any lady. He had a meeting with the director on Friday and he made sure he shaved and that he let her know he shaved for her. Where I am concerned , well he mostly does what he wants with no concern for me or my feelings. His DNA couldn't see him as he is now and just ignored my requests for help. Until one day one of them was here and heard for himself that DH refused to travel with the DGD as he said he didn't know her and was very frightened. Since then I have trouble getting phone calls or emails answered. They just seem to ignore me and they don't call or visit as much. Easier on me as he is more comfortable with less visitors. If they do come and want to take him out then I stay home. Bv 's need to,have structure and lots of activities as it lowers their stress highs. I have now begun to see when he is getting , as he calls it, antsy and I take him to our small mall and get him walk at fun speed until he comes down from that high then he is better, I think their energy level goes off the top of the scale and they need to walk to burn it off and bring it down to a comfortable level. He does like everything done right and put away and a place for everything and everything in it's place. Helps him find things as well. Rules are rules and no deterring from them, constancy is key as well, don't change a thing. The other thing is he is very conscious about his and others safety. Really strange how this is affecting him and it makes it really hard for me as with you I am the enemy. With mine he tells me he needs professionals to care for him and I am not one. Go figure!! He has no sense of danger but makes sure everything is safe foe him and the others in his group. So confusing. How can he have no sense of danger but recognize when he or others are in an unsafe situation and raise merry hell over it with those in charge?? This disease really screws with a caregivers head!!
jazzy as you can see the disease does make them difficult to understand. I would not put a lot of faith with the reasoning abilities you are apparently seeing in your DH at this point. their perception can be quite off at times and like lullie says once they become fixated on a certain topic,, (Obbessive compulsive) they are relentless. the irrational and anger is also commonplace esp with the FTD. his abilities to understand and comprehend are affected in many ways and can change on a dime. so packing a lot of rational thinking into his discussions may only be fueling the fire. redirecting and not dwelling on what is his fixation as you say is the best alternative. his abilities may look like hes more with it but his reasoning judgement and basic skills are severely compromised no matter how well he looks or acts. its very hard to hear how badly hes treating you and nicer to others. but yes this is also commonplace in this particular variant. almost like its givng them pleasure to make you suffer at their verbal abuse. so very sad. in your particular case, his resistance to you makes it a much easier decision to place him earlier than later. and you can step back and take a reprieve for your own wellbeing. let the professionals take over, is what he wants and best for you in this situation. my best divvi
Since he made his decision to move into placement he has been much easier to live with, but I know he is not able to make rational decisions at times and I am watching to make sure he is able to do what he sets out to do. He wants so much to be back the way it used to be and he try's so hard to maintain the normal life but he knows he needs structure and consistency and he can't get it here at home and he won't allow me to bring those things into his life here. The LTC has it all and he is a bit frightened at the change but he is getting impatient to go. He says there will be a legal separation for us if he doesn't. He has no idea that that option is no longer available for us as his decision making has been taken from him. I will be very happy when he goes but also very sad for what might have been.that life is all gone and can never be again so I will just have to take my time and rebuild
Today DH went to ADP and it was fine. He came across a lady in a wheel chair who has oxygen and her electric cord was stretched out across the floor and someone could trip on it. He went to the caregivers he has had a problem with and they told him to go to the supervisor who was on site. They fixed the problem and he asked the super if he caused a problem by telling her and she told him he had done the right thing as they need to know about any safety hazards. Later the Director of the company that we had talked to on Friday arrived and she came in and gave two of the ladies she knew a hug each and then proceeded to go over to Kevan and give him a big hug. This was done in front of the two problem workers and I think it was sending them a message. He said he had a great day and now we will see how Thursday works out. He was kind of funny as he said I was gracious!!
Two weeks ago he was #40 then last Friday,# 9 and this Friday #6 on the list.He is really excited to go and I am afraid for me. I've never lived alone and I have a house to sell, an apt to find and all alone. I'm really afraid and I don't know how to be totally alone in a home. Just me with no one to help with all the everyday decisions. I know I will do it but I just hate this disease that has taken so much from me. I'll be alright but I know it will take time. I'm glad your all here to listen to this wimp whine!!!
Jazzy, I know you are strong and you will get through it. You've been having to make everyday decisions for some time now, because your DH's reasoning was off. You only need to accomplish one task at a time. It probably seems overwhelming right now, and it is a huge change. But have faith in yourself, and know that your friends are here to support you along the way.