My wife of 57 years goes into a nursing home Monday. I am saddened, but I am also tired. Daughter who shares in the care giving is totally tired. We had a wonderful life together and I have precious few regrets.
All I can say it is time. At our age we don't have the stamina which is needed for this huge effort. My dh and I have been married almost 59 yrs so I know your situation. How fortunate you have had your daughter. I have no one in family to help me. I have just begun to take dh to daycare for 4 hrs. twice a week. If his condition deteriorates much more, I know I will have to place him. My own health is starting to be affected so I won't be of much use to him. My prayers are with you.
dwgriff: I placed my husband of 57 yrs. 7 weeks ago. I hope it goes as smoothly for you as it did for me. I was just plain worn out.Good luck and prayers
Dave, Since you had a wonderful life together, with few regrets, then you will have a lot of great memories to cling to. My prayers are with you as you enter this stage of caregiving.
I wish you peace with your decision and that you will finally get some rest so that when you visit your DW you will be able to enjoy your times together to the extent you can. You have done a mountain of a job taking care of her as best that you could.
Thank you each. My mind is OK with all of this, I am not so sure of my emotions. In the morning we'll get her ready to go to day care, which she has enjoyed for several months. I always tell her she is going to a party and I'll do the same tomorrow. We will wheel her in in her chair, someone will take over and we will send her clothes up (5 outfits). We will leave. I think she will adjust quickly. It was in the spring of '99 that she was diagnosed. It has been a long ride. BTW: Is there a time period before they want me to come visit her?
That depends on the facility and how she's adjusting. When I placed DH for a month's trial, the staff recommended that I set up his room with all his stuff and then not be there when he arrived (from a psych hospital). They also recommended I NOT visit for at least 1week so he could get settled into the routine. I did do what they suggested, but others here have gone with their LO's, settled hem in and visited every day after admission. I guess it depends on your spouse and their ability to understand and accept they are no longer living at home.
I have heard many different recommendations. The ALF I plan on placing my wife said just a few days, otherwise she might feel abandoned.But definitly stay away for those days. I know people who insisted on being there from day one and their LO's usually had troubles adjusting.
Dave, I will be thinking of you and your family ((Hugs))
Each person is different, just go with your gut. I didn't have a choice, I had to stay with Lynn. He did not take it well and they would not have kept him if I had not been there to settle him down. Many many do not react badly and in fact find comfort in their loved ones staying with them to visit from day one.
Lynn's facility does not recommend a separation period at all, though the VA I looked at did. They were honest enough to admit the reason they suggested this was to make it easier on the staff, because often when the family left the resident got upset and needed extra care from them.
The only people you need concern yourself with is your DW and yourself. Do what ever feels right to you. Hoping for a smooth transition for you both ♥
When I didn't have the 24 hour care, I actually looked forward to going to visit DH in the NH. At first he's asked to go with me when I was leaving. I finally would tell him that I was going to the bathroom.
It went smoothly so far. I was with her, along with daughter 1. When we left she was in the dining room ready for lunh. She has lost more weight, but I think because she is so quiet we forget to feed her. The nurses say we can go back any time we choose and we get to decide. I decided I would wait a couple of days and go in when daughters are here. All 4 of them will be here Wednesday. Daughter 1 will go in every day and sometimes more than once a day.
The room is pretty generic right now, the last person just moved out, but my creative daughters will have it all re-done in a few days. They have an ugly chest of drawers and we will substitute a tall lingerie chest I made. We'll hang a piece of Miriam's art and the last family picture that was taken in April.