My DH has aspiration pneumonia and I have told the nursing home not to treat, except to keep him comfortable. He is only 60 so he may be able to beat it, but it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do... say "no treatment." I feel so cold and unfeeling, but I know it is the best thing for him. I hate this disease.
Shannon, I'm so sorry to hear this. Yes, saying "no treatment" is hard. But you aren't cold or unfeeling. You are doing what's best for him by keeping him comfortable. And, I hate this disease also. (((((HUGS)))))
I am so sorry you have had to do this. A few months ago my husband put in place a DNR, do not resuscitate, I had to make copies for anyone who cares for him and I found it really hard, but it is what he wants. You are not cold and unfeeling, but it is one of the most difficult things we will ever have to do. I hate this disease and wish it was not part of our lives but it is and we can only do our best.
Oh Shannon, I agree with the others. You are not cold & unfeeling. I would do the same thing. My DH is also in a NH & he is declining quickly & if that were to happen to him I would do exactly what you are doing. I know that he would not want to live this way. You are doing the best you can. (((HUGS))) to you & prayers for both of you.
Shannon, I Know how you are feeling. My Dear Helen ended up with aspiration pneumonia. She could not swallow, and any food or liquid ended up in her lungs. They kept her on oxygen and sprayed water in her mouth to keep it moist, but hospice recommended to let her go. It was difficult for me but by then I was very familiar with difficult. She lasted ten days without food or water and as I visited her every day, I noticed her breathing kept getting shorter and shorter as she lie there unresponsive. She did not seem to be in any pain. The nursing staff alerted me when it was near the end, and as I held her hand and several staff stood by, one of them said "She's taking her last breath right now" Sure enough, she was right. ............It's not easy Shannon ........... I hope the best for you...........GeorgieBoy
Shannon, my heart goes out to you. {{{{{Hugs}}}}}. You are not cold and unfeeling. You are very caring and you are doing what is best for your DH. You are both in my prayers.
Thanks everyone! His youngest son (who has not seen him in a year) was questioning not giving him antibiotics. However he doesn't know he can eat, go to the bathroom, carry on a conversation, wash or dress himself. Since he has not seen him in a year. Neither has his other son. I know they are both going to regret it.
Shannon, I have struggled for close to two hours trying to figure out what I could possibly say to you. I believe that because we do know our loved ones best that we will each know when it is time. I have been in similar situations but I felt it was not yet time to let go.... when it is that time, I hope I can be as courageous as you are being. I am so sorry you are facing this ((hugs))
Shannon, I am so sorry that you are going though this. I don't have any words to comfort you, I don't have any advice I can offer you, and I don't have the answers as to what to do. But what I do have is my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself (((((hugs))))
Shannon, yes very difficult decisions. each of us will have to make some life and death decisions sooner than later too. peace to you and your dear husband. divvi
Shannon, this is the exact situation I faced over five years ago. My husband, who had been bedridden and uncommunicative for five years at that point, contracted aspiration pneumonia. I called the doctor and asked for a home health nurse to come out and evaluate him. I already knew he had pneumonia but wanted to have it documented. When the nurse came he confirmed the pneumonia and called the doctor. The doctor and I conferred and both decided that to prolong a life, a life with no quality, would have been a big injustice to this man to whom I had been married to for over 40 years.
My husband lived for about 10 days....refusing water and/or food, he gradually faded away very peacefully at home.
We were very blessed in the merciful passing that he had and I have never looked back nor second guessed my decision. I know he would not have wanted to exist as he was...he ate, slept, pooped and peed. That was it......
I send you peaceful thoughts and hopes that you and your dear husband are blessed with a peaceful passing.......
This is such a sad situation to be in and each situation is different. I am sure you made the best decision you could based on his circumstances. Nothing about this damn disease is easy, nothing. Blessings on you and your DH. Hugs to you.
Shannon, like Nikki, I am struggling on how to respond to you. I am sure only you know your husband's condition, where he is in the disease progression and should you treat him for the pneumonia, the likely prognosis and long term outlook. I can only offer you my support and prayers as you make this very difficult and heartbreaking decision. I truly know how difficult it is.
Like Sandi* says, once you make the decision, whatever it is, don't look back and second guess it - it will only cause you undue pain and frankly, for no reason. You did what you thought was best for him. No one can ask for more. You are doing what you think is the best for him and doing it out of love.
May you be at peace with this very difficult decision. ((((HUGS))))
Shannon, you are doing what you think is best for your Dh. You are not unfeeling and cold, that would have to be the hardest decision to ever have to make. . I would do the same, my Dh has had one lot of pneumonia, he pulled through that one, but if it was to happen again I would not treat it. There's no quality of life there anymore, I know my Dh would not want to go on suffering like that. Blessing to you, may you find peace in your very difficult decision...hugs
Shannon, my heart is with you. Please do not beat yourself up. What you are doing is the ultimate act of love. You are following his wishes, and doing what is best for him. Best to let the sons figure it out themselves. My DH has very selfish children and they do not have any say in his medical care. Prayers for you and your loved ones. May God grant you the peace that passes understanding.
My DH is still hanging in there. I will be surprised if he dies of respiratory failure at this point, it will probably be the no food/drink. His kids have been wonderful, surprising me, but they have been great. His sisters and mom are here as well, and all have been a big support which I am so thankful for. Tonight his Dad gets here - and he has never accepted the fact that Terry even has Alzheimers. So this will be interesting.
The staff at the nursing home have been absolutely amazing. Bringing us food, etc. Every morning they have coffee, juice, fruit and pastries. Tonight they brought us pizza. We have had so many staff members that didn't even directly care for him coming in to see him and all of them have cried. Very touching.... Hospice has been great too. So many caring/compassionate people.
We have set up a brain donation with Texas Tech. There is also one with Harvard we were considering. I didn't realize it is best to set this up way in advance. It is a collaboration between a pathologist, the University, and the funeral home. We just have to pay for the pathologist to remove the brain which is $650. Then we will have a definitive diagnosis (they think he has Lewy Body) and hopefully we will help in some small way towards the treatment/cure for this horrible disease.
If you have thought about donating - here is more info and I would encourage you to get registered in advance. http://www.ttuhsc.edu/centers/aging/documents/7572_proof5707.pdf http://www.brainbank.mclean.org