Our 2nd caregiver has given notice. Herb has been so difficult for her to work with and totally changes his personality when I walk out the door. With me he's sweet and easy. Anybody else, except for his oldest daughter, and he is extremely difficult, intimidating and runs them off because "he doesn't need a babysitter." The first one I let go because she was unreliable, but he liked her. The 2nd one he was very unkind to and she just quit and I don't blame her. I seriously don't know what to do now as he doesn't want anybody but me here. Maybe I should commit myself as he is driving me NUTS! He really did like the first gal, but she disappointed me so many times with not showing up.
My husband did that with 9 caregivers in 1 year (and you know the time you spend looking for, interviewing and training helpers). When he had the spontaneous compression fracture of his coccyx, refused to move to a room on the main floor so that I could attend to him, and having ruled out the possibility of having care for him in our home, I had no other choice than to place him in an intermediate care facility . In the end, he was his own worst enemy. You can only do so much.
mother, have you considered a male caregiver? They might be harder to find but perhaps he might "bond" with a man. Also a man might be better able to deal with him or on some level your dh would be intimidated by him and behave. I'm not sure if you've tried daycare for him, but that might be another resource. So sorry you're having difficulty keeping someone.
Mothert, Have you told your DH that it was a "caregiver"? Possibly present it in a different light ..." a housekeeper" or if you happen to find a male caregiver represent him as "a handyman".. I think having a male caretaker would be an excellent idea as possibly you husband can relate better. I hope that your do find someone who will provide for you the care your husband needs.
I talked to caregiver #1 tonight and she has agreed to come back. It was never a case of we didn't like her, quite the contrary, we both loved her and she loved Herb. She is simply a classic over-committer. I asked her for a commitment to give me at least 24 hours notice when she can't come; she will be coming here after her morning client - a established 5-day/week job with a 89 yo woman. She came over to see my husband after we talked and you never saw such a happy camper - big hug, big smile.
I have come to realize that I can never be comfortable with my situation - just as all seems like it's buzzing along just right - BOOM - it all blows up. So, I am going to try to take 1 day at a time and pray that our little gal works out for the duration. She really is a gifted caregiver, I've always known that, and she plays my dh like a Stradivarius; I'm just going to have to lower my expectations for everyone.
Btw, Coco (this is totally off topic), I've been using coconut oil for my eczema and it seems to be working far better than the steroid cream. Amazing stuff. Just wish it would bring back my beautiful arms that are now one big wrinkle :(
mother, glad to know the caregiver will return...hopefully that makes life somewhat easier. Yes, just when you get into a comfortable pattern and think you've anticipated everything, BOOM your world blows up and you find you were so unprepared. At least yurs hasn't tried to "fly" yet!
Hope this caregiver is more responsible this time.
Mine was a private pilot at one time, too; those are/were his fondest memories.
Yes, I, too, pray that Katie will work out once again. She is kind of like a comfortable old shoe because we had her for about 2 years before I finally got fed up with her antics and let her go. Even then, it was reluctantly because dh loves her so much - and, she is very likeable, I love her, too. Perhaps this is all God's grand design - He's always teaching me something new and showing me that "yes you can climb that mountain". Phew, I'm sure getting tired of it all, though.
I married a man 23 years my senior and we had so much fun together in the old days. He's healthy as a horse, always has been except for the AD. I always said that I would bite the dust before him and I think that still holds today. I wonder who will take care of him when I'm gone?? Not planning suicide or anything ugly like that, he's just plain healthier than I am, always has been.