Feeling sorry for myself - forgive the whining and tears. A friend just posted the above on Facebook. I understand about looking for the positive rather than focusing on the negative. I also know all the "rules" about taking care of myself and dealing with stress. That's why I'm taking a week of respite. DH is in an ALF in the same building where we live in an independent living apartment. He's called me a couple of time, because he couldn't find me, didn't know where I was, and was worried about me. The last two days I've tried calling him, but he forgot how to answer the phone. He did manage to call me again this afternoon to tell me he's still worried, because he doesn't know where I am. I am so sad about all he's lost, I don't think I can keep going much longer, and I am not going to end this journey with my husband stronger than I was when it started. There is simply no way. What do you think? Do you find statements like this helpful or how do you react? If you've already lost your spouse are you stronger than before? People tell me to plan for "after". Are you able (or were you able) to do that?
I have changed it to "What doesn't kill me, just pisses me off". Sorry if I offended anyone. I have started planning on the after. DH is in Hospice and we are getting closer to the end. And I have made plans in my mind to change the bedroom. I am worried that I will not be able to sleep in the same bed and just want a change. And the last time we painted the room and put down carpet was 16 years ago. So it is do anyways.
I hope Janet, you are able to rest and don't worry about the whining. I do it for time to time too. (((Hugs)))
Janet, I think you're tired because you've been at this a long time. It's very understandable that you feel the way you do. I can only suggest that you just take it day by day. One day at a time is all you need to handle. It's like writing a book, or a thesis. You don't sit down and write the whole thing at one go. You write 200 words a day and eventually it gets done. Things change; insights change. Enjoy each day where you can, and for the other part that can't be avoided, you just go through it. You will come out on the other side, I know. God bless.
Janet, I am sorry you are so sad, it is understandable. I think how one takes sayings like these (or anything really) depends on where they are in their own war with Alzheimer's. When you are overwhelmed, overly stressed, exhausted etc. it is of course harder to be optimistic. I believe people who share these sorts of things are trying to reach a hand down to those still in the abyss, to try to help them through their pain. I find it hopeful, it lends me strength to know others have survived.
I decided I have suffered enough and I am working very diligently to work my way back to me. To work towards happiness again despite the ever present grief. These things were not obtainable for me while I was caregiving 24/7. But now with Lynn in a NH for more than 4 years, I decided I was worth the effort and I came to understand that Lynn truly would want me to find happiness again.
As for making me stronger, I have always felt coping with this disease, (just as with any of life's obstacles) did make me emotionally stronger. Not only that but it has also caused a gentling of my heart, where I do hurt more easily, but I also love more deeply. It is a process I believe. And like most things worth having in life, it is something you have to strive and work for.
I know many plan for "after", but I am not one of them. We are late stage, instead of planning for when he is gone, I truly I am more concerned with being grateful for what we do still have, enjoying what precious time we have left.
Again, it's a process. We evolve with the constant changes. Where you are now is exactly where you should be, I believe I can safely say most of us have been where you are. I hope it brings you peace to know we made it through these difficult times. ((hugs of understanding))
I do not believe people necessarily come out stronger, but remember also that healing takes time. The one that bothers me even more is "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." To which I like the response: "God must have mistaken me for someone else!"
Pam, that's another one that irritates me. When we had a premature baby who died when he was 12 days old, someone told me, "God must have wanted him more than you did." That's not a god I would ever believe in! I know people mean to be helpful, but good grief!
Janet, anyone who tells a parent who has just lost a child that God wanted them more is an ignorant insensitive a**hole! I lost my husband in February and I have been lost ever since. Haven't slept through the night in 4 months. I feel useless now. When he was here, my life had purpose. All I wanted to do was be with him and take care of him. Yes, it was sometimes impossibly difficult and yes, I was exhausted. But I had made a marriage vow that was all-important to me and I wanted to fulfill that. I did and now I feel like I am done. I probably need someone professional to talk to, but these are MY feelings caused by MY life for very good reasons that are MINE! It's personal. I don't want to share my feelings with anyone who may want to scrutinize or analyze something that they know nothing about....which is why I come here.