LFL, sending you {{{{{hugs}}}}} as you go through this latest chapter. I hope that your DH does adjust to being back home, but I agree with divvi, you may want to get the wheels in motion to have him placed sooner rather than later.
At the risk of sounding unfeeling, sometimes Divine intervention says enough is enough, and the decision is taken out of our hands. My husband would plop into a chair, any chair, and after repeatedly dropping into a low, wooden garden chair, his coccyx fractured spontaneously and he was hospitalized, picked up an infection there, etc. etc. and finally had to be placed in an Intermediate Care Facility. His judgment had become shot because of Alzheimer’s, and although I had an aide with him, and I would constantly be on the watch, there comes a point when all that it is just not enough. I eventually came to see it as a blessing that he had to be placed: it was the beginning of the long, inevitable spiral down that I could not have prevented. I hope you won’t be hard on yourself or anyone else. S--- happens. As someone else on this site wrote recently, “I just clean up the mess and start praying again.” I know from your previous posts that you have RA; I have a related form called ankylosing spondylitis. Stress and fatigue are our enemies. I think that it would be better for others to be taking care of your DH with his increasing number of problems and that you focus more on taking care of yourself. It’s not our fault that we have RA. It’s not their fault they have some form of dementia. All we're really required to do is play the cards we’ve been dealt with as best we can. Sent with love and prayers.
Thanks Mary75*. Yes, I know what ankylosing spondylitis is and it's weird but I have always felt lucky that I don't have back problems. I know what daily pain you must manage.
DH has been home for a week now and seems to be readjusting to life at home. He is not incontinent...they just didn't get him to the bathroom frequently enough when he was in the NH for rehab. After the first 3 days of "reentry" to life at home, he is much more compliant and even happy. He is able to walk with the knee brace on, however he does need something/someone to hold on to for stability. He's actually using 1 crutch on the side with the damaged knee. He can go up/down stairs with supervision. Of course his life, the aides and mine have changed because he now requires physical assistance with ADL's, such as help getting into/out of the shower, bathroom, etc. But all in all we're settling into a new routine.
His visit to the orthopedic surgeon last week showed that the knee cap is still broken in 2 places and has no chance of repairing itself. So the dr and I agreed we should wait for a while and see how he does and re-evaluate the need for a second surgery. I did ask him to consult with a geriatrician and have a plan including appropriate medication as well as a cast that cannot be removed so the next surgery is successful. He said he absolutely would have the geriatrician on board for the next surgery.
This outcome is not ideal (what in life is?)but it isn't horrible. So we will soldier on and take this latest challenge as a learning experience. One good outcome is that he won't be climbing over any more fences.
Thank each of you for your support during this upsetting event - I really couldn't have made it without your advice, concern and hugs.
LFL - For all that you have been through on this misadventure, I am humbled by your clear-sightedness, advocacy, and adaptability. Here's hoping that things at home stay on an even keel. You deserve it.
I am encouraged to hear that DH is happier and more compliant as he re-entered the home! I know this was such a concern those first days and truly an answer to prayers. Over this course of his journey you have travel some very turbulent waters, but LFL have always remained a pillar of strength.
Laureen--let's hope that the improvement in mood continues! You sure deserve it. As I was reading your latest post, I was thinking "he won't be climbing any more fences" and then you said it. Sending you love and continuing strength.
All excellent news, whew! So glad to hear he is adjusting so well and that the incontinence was not permanent. A huge relief I know... keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers ((hugs))