My wife Miriam was diagnosed almost 15 years ago. It has been a long run, mostly good, some great and some not so good at all. We have been together since we were 15, married at 19, 57 years ago this week. Two years ago we moved 4 hours from the home where we raised our daughters to the home of our oldest daughter, who is a professional caregiver. Daughter has two teen children and a developmentally challenged son who is 9 though his body is 30 and a very patient husband. She was busy before AD. We are getting close to placement. Very close. I will only be one of several votes on the decision, but in a wicked way, I look forward to the change it will bring. Like the rest of you, I am tired. Timing has to do more with when when a bed is available than when we might wish it to happen. When this happens I must move back to our old house 4 hours away. Money is tight and I can only come up to visit a week or so each month. That worries me. But I have to go, my mental health is at stake. That is my life and I wish it wasn’t so.
15 years is a very long time to deal with this disease, dwgriff. You have been fortunate to have the help of your daughter during the last two years. I certainly understand about your mental health being at stake. I was just wondering this morning if anybody knows the symptoms or what it feels like to have a nervous breakdown.
I am sorry to hear your dear Miriam will need to be placed soon but yes if its for your mental peace it must happen sooner than later. lots of changes but having someone else care for her round the clock will bring another type of peace and comfort. a stressed out worn caregiver is not a good option either. good luck with your move. it will at least keep your mind occupied.
Yes, your mental health is very much at stake. It's been a long, hard journey for you - now you need some rest. So glad you have your daughter to help. Just tied another knot in the rope - so hang on! Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.
Yes, 15 years is a really long time..... I hope placement happens soon and you get the changes you desire. Is there by chance a nursing home closer to where you will move? We do what we must to survive, my thoughts are with you ♥
I should have said my name is Dave. Since the beginning of this disease we have known placement was not going to be an option. Miriam herself who was an LPN early in her life, said the same: "I know I'll be in a home some day and that is OK." The rough part for me is that I won't be there to see her every day. She won't know whether I was there or not, but I will. That is what my pre-guilt is about! This won't happen this week, but will happen soon.
Dave, We are all human and we too get to a breaking point either physically, mentally or maybe even both. I have had people tell me I should place my DH long ago but how do you do that when they know that they built the house, that we paid it off early, that he enjoys his things and is aware...and if he were placed I know he would go down hill. Yet I am beginning to get my head about this as his balance is not good, he has lost wt, most of it muscle wasting, and I cannot lift him. I have injuries from taking care of my folks...And I am on antidepressants for anxiety and stress...and like you and all the others, I feel like I should be able to do this job... I have some in home help 3 days a week, I worry about $$$$ all the time too...I don't know where this is going to go..
I think for most of us it is one step at a time, step by step...try to prepare but the jolts are still going to be there. Counseling helps us focus on what we need to do, why and that we can only do so much..WE have to learn to pick the hills.
Through this long struggle I have watched for signs that she would be "happy" in a home. I see them now. She goes to Adult Day Care 4 hours 4 days a week (an absolute blessing for all). They entertain her and she is happy (though she cannot remember being there by the time we are in the parking lot). Yesterday, as we sat here together, she kept saying that she was bored, something I have never heard her say before. Last night she went to bed at 9, got up at 11:30 and wandered around the house. I got her back in bed and she is still sleeping at 5. That gave me a decent night sleep. I am happy. All of this seems like an inglorious end to a long and wonderful romance. Today is our 57th anniversary. The number is good and I am glad for it, but this last part is not so good. Today i go back to our home in Idaho to do some work. I'll be gone a few days. She won't miss me, at least she hasn't lately when I have been gone. I guess that is how it will be when she is in a home. Thanks for the encouraging words.
Dave , 57 years is a long and devoted marriage. I thought our 54 years on June 2nd was good. I just put my DH in a skilled nursing facility for an 11 day respite. It was really hard to walk out of there with him looking so forlorn and not understanding it at all. I can understand how hard it is for you to place her and you having to be away so much of the time. We'll be thinking of you.
Dave, we've will be married 57 yrs. next week.I've been caregiver for 12 ys.Placed my husband in NH last month ,he spent 2 weeks in hospital due to a bleeding ulcer and became so weak I just couldn't take care of him. He is doing surprisingly well,seems to be adjusting. I do live only a few miles from the NH and go twice a day to see him.I think it will be harder on you not being able to see your wife every day than it will be on her.But you have to take care of yourself now that she will be well cared for.The NH my husband is in ,is a beautiful place,overlooks a large dairy farm,it's actually nicer than where we live.Prayers that things will work out for you.
Back from Idaho! Sometimes I just need to hear some words of encouragement. This struggle is not over and who knows when it will be. When i go away, which feeds my soul, it leaves my daughter with double duty and I feel bad about that. But I am back, my batteries are as charged as they are going to get and we will push on.
Dave, you have nothing to feel quilty about. you are a great husband and father. Miriam is very blessed to be loved and cared for by you. I feel that we have seasons in our lives. You and Miriam have lived thru the fairy tale marriage season and now it is time for you and her to progress to the next season. Get as much rest and respite as you can. You will need it for later seasons. You are not alone we are all in this journey together. Hugs and prayers to you and Miriam.