Nikki, So long as it's safe for you to postpone your surgery. I think that was a good thing to do. You would be so worried about not being there for your Mum, you would not have relaxed enough to put all your energy into your own recovery from your surgery .
Wolf, is the bunny a boy or girl...you may end up with a family of bunnies!
To answer the bunny questions...he lives a lot in my backyard now and I doubt he had any interest in coming into the house. My cats have been sitting in the back window watching him/her though.
I just came here after letting another board about technology know I wouldn't be writing there anymore. That's not terribly interesting to anyone here but it's a step for me. I've been clinging to things like flotsom in an ocean. Somehow; by some miracle (and a lot of work), it's not so much like that anymore and that's becoming clearer. I'm going to write about that on the widow's thread.
I know some of us are having a hard June. I wonder if Joan's doing a little better. Here's another knot in the rope for everyone.
Saturday my DH was at a retreat, so I had some time for myself. My sister and I went on an Artist's Studio tour, and had lunch together. Even though we did talk a bit about T and his problems, most of the questions my sister asked were directed as to how I was coping (worried about me, not my DH). And most of the time we talked about a lot of other stuff. It was sooo nice to laugh, and to spend some time where my brain could enter the real world and leave the world of AD for a couple of hours!
June has brought the realization that his long term memory is going. I was telling him about the pastor from the church we attended from about 1996 to 2004. Art was an usher so worked a lot with the pastor on Saturday and Sunday services and Wednesday nights. He did not remember him or the town the church was in. He does remember one of the assistant pastor but that is only because his son is on one of the boat on the series Deadliest Catch. I don't even mention much of what people from those years are posting on Facebook cause I really do not think he remembers who they are.
Earlier today something on TV was said about how long married and he said we have been married 3 decades - only off by 10 years!
Otherwise I am just going buggy not working - having to stay home with him. I find I resent him and hate being around him more each day. I do not think this caregiving is going to get any better - my attitude. Right now he has a sore big toe. I emailed his doctor in Vancouver about getting in next Friday when we are in town. His nurse called to say: put one of those OTC antibiotic creams on it and wrap it. If it doesn't get better take him to Spokane to the VA ER. I am soaking it vinegar water and wrapping it forcing myself to do it daily - morning and night.
I need to get a mindset change and stop kicking myself for not leaving him in 1984 after his affair. This sucks.
I also need to rethink staying here in this area. I talked to the VA here and they do not have neurology or geriatric doctors - dementia doctors are in Spokane 2 hours away.
Amber - at that time I had little self worth carried over from my childhood. Years later I figured out that I stayed because no one else would want me. I had been used and betrayed by men all my life. Also, I had told him I forgive him and felt I had no Biblical grounds for divorce. Even though I was working I had no idea how I would support me and two kids. He had lost his job when his employer found out what he had done. He has never told me he was sorry for breaking our marriage vows - only sorry he got caught. There are other minor reasons. Doesn't matter now - kind of moot. I just need to change my thinking -you know another one of those stages in our caregiving journey.
Yes I have to remember I choose to stay no matter my reasoning. I will come to terms with it - another layer. I am certain this will come up again later on. I think what showed me where I was - last night when someone asked when I would place him. I said now if I could.
Charlotte - I'm right with you in if I could place him I would do it a heart beat after going through another one of his BS mads. Him calling me names and yelling at the top of his lungs, just a little bit more and I would of hit 911 and let it be done. No you don't have to change your thinking if you don't want to. I chosed to stay and not leave in 2007 when I first fiqured out what was going on with him. Could of sent him back east to his family. He always was a controlling mean bastard just had better control on his emotions, now I get the full blast of his real personality. I care about the human being going through this disease but not as my hubby anymore.....I'm done.
Yesterday I was one of 4 speakers on a luncheon panel at an all-day Alzheimer's course. I had a list of things to talk about - Adult Day Care, Dealing with doctors, etc. However, I realized that the other speakers would cover a lot of this, so I tossed out my notes and talked about my experience as the caregiver for my wife. It seemed to go over well.
marsh, Even though it was extemporaneous, were there points that you made that would be worth recapping here, or were there topics that seemed to especially engage the audience?
First of all I need to complain about the service. Simply horrendous. Someone was moaning and groaning in the next room and the walls were shaking and the next thing without being asked I'm kicked out, spanked, covered in some goop and of course I screamed bloody murder.
It's pretty much been downhill from there. I find out I'm from poor but hardworking (yipee!) parents with a thug of an older sister. All the relatives appear to be inbred or are genuinely retarded. Nothing I order shows up. There's some kind of mix up and now that I'm just learning to break my tongue on this stupid language, I'm back to square one and none of the words I learned are any good where my genius parents put us now. I'm living Meet The Kranks learning that screaming at the next person you see when something doesn't work out is a family tradition where my hard working father takes time out from his busy day to scream things at us such as "get an education!" like it's in some foreign country (what again?).
I've been named after a dog. A proud name I'm assured. Yah, so is Waltrout but trust me. You know, like I trust you, the people who sent me to public school in Lederhosen for the first traumatic public humiliation in my life. "We don't need their kind here." my grade 2 teacher explained meaningfully and I heartily agreed - until I found out that the unwanted kind would be me. The children showed real spirit though and having been given permission went to town. Until they met my sister who could and did take eighth grade boys on. You go girl! I'll be over here holding your broom.
Nobody I know including me ever beat my sister in a fight. Which to be honest is a handy thing when you're the sensitive type in school. Like having a big dog. Anyway, I did a lot of reading at the library and I find out that I was stuck. There's no manual, no instructions, not even a phone number. It's all done in mysterious ways apparently and no wonder because there'd be a line up of complaints. I'm supposed to be famous and that sort of thing. I specifically ordered rich, deeply talented parents. At least I'm sure I would have. I'm quite sure I wouldn't have ordered the Hansel and Gretel from cuckoo clock forest.
I'm not the wagnerian type. And that shoe slapping accordian polka heritage in the clown outfits is appealing to me in the same way as ripping my intestines out and strangling myself with them would be. It was the same in sunday school. Why would we grovel before a loving god I asked the catholic priest and why are there no sunday undies, busting my chances at altar boy. I learned a bit of latin though and that I could say the our father in thirteen seconds. Unfortunately neither of those has proved that useful.
Thus I entered my greatness period also known as teenager and amazed myself completely. Look at me I was just in the kitchen and now I'm in the living room. I can't get over myself. Oh god and who suddenly turned the boys with high voices into these stunning creatures? You want me to what? You want me to study? This is a joke right? Shoot me full of hormones like a junkie with a fire hydrant and then make all the tests harder? Who comes up with this stuff?
I held myself together in a colliding netherworld of Lawrence Welk and Mitch Miller and Jimi Hendrix and Led Zeppelin reading Walden's Pond and Lord of the Rings thinking I might graduate from Harvard and solve the unified force theorem but I got 'C' grades with dumb luck and ran smack into Dianne Fellows. And suddenly everything made sense.
Arrived back home yesterday after 4 days of being gone. Left Thursday for Vancouver to get updated DPOA done, DIL's graduation with her AA degree from the community college (her parents did not want to drive the hour there but we drove 4+ hours to be there). During the graduation Art had to go to the bathroom and assured me he could find his way back - not! Grandson had to go and when we got back he still was not. I phoned him and he was on the other side looking for us. Thankfully the venue was actually not that big -seats about 4,000.
I phoned Thursday to verify the sleep clinic hours at the VA telling them I was bringing in his CPAP to be read. Get over to Portland to find out they no longer do it during the walk-in hours. Have to make an appointment. Needless to say I was upset I was not told that when I phoned. So they scheduled him on the same day as his neuro appt in Sept.
Went back to hotel and grandkids came over to swim. Granddaughter stayed night. I fell out of bed about 3:30 (not done that since I was a child) - there was no support around mattress meaning you got near the edge and it gave way. I can only imagine what the people under us thought when this 260 pound hit the floor! Did not wake up granddaughter but Art bolted up! I sleep on the edge of the bed - first it was cause husband and dog took up most of bed, after dog he has taken to laying in fetal position so I have little choice. Saturday night I slept in the other bed, right in the middle and it was so nice to just roll over vs having to twist around in the same place. I slept well and makes me want a king bed again or my own - but not going to happen any time soon.
Saturday was grandsons 5th birthday. We had the party at Taco Bell and Art wanted to leave before the ice cream which did not surprise me but I made him stay. He had had busy and long days out of his routine for 3 days now. We went back to their apartment where a squirt gun battle started. Art and grandson were having a blast. It was DIL's brother that was the party pooper putting a damper on the fun - he didn't like getting wet. Too bad -- we were having fun. Art later told me that he really enjoyed playing with grandson. He actually played a lot with him, teasing him and he gave it back. I told grandson later when I went back that Papa had a lot of fun playing with him while Art stayed at the hotel watching the Bruins loose ;-( Both of the kids are so sad that Papa has a sick brain but they are understanding of him. Ironic that their other grandfather who is about the same age has no patience with him cause grandson is all boy and often noisy.
Sunday we had breakfast with my youngest brother who is basically the caregiver for our oldest sister. Then went back to the house where my sister actually got up and came out into the livingroom where we visited for 2 hours. She probably would have stayed longer but we needed to get on the road for the 4+ hour drive home. I make a big deal of getting up cause when her oldest son was down recently to make amends with his mom, she refused to come out of her bedroom. He was shocked to see the condition she was in forgetting that she had had a stroke. When our youngest sister was there last week for a night on their way to Alaska she refused to come out. Thankfully she has no memory of the ugly things she said to me 1 1/2 years ago.
I concluded after 2 hours of talking to her that she is about the same place as hb is in memory and all. She had no idea what month it was (thought it November), year, etc., no concept of time; our brother has gotten her daughter to agree to work on getting the bills put in her name including property taxes so she can pay them. Brother is tired of fighting to get her to sign checks to pay them and/or even find them. She accuses him of trying to steal her money (sound familiar?).
I sent my niece an email telling her of things that need to get done if they are not - the attorney we use is the same one my sister has that did the trust. He is retiring so she needs to contact him to find out about the trust and appoint a new trustee since my sister is no longer able to make the decisions. I told her the ramifications of her mom driving with dementia. Evidently when they went to AAA to get the auto insurance since she had been driving for 9 months without it, our brother had to keep correcting her when the agent was filling out the application. This agent never questioned why she could not remember things. Niece is suppose to be coming up soon to get legal things taken care of and try again to talk her mom into moving down to California to live with her.
That was our last four days. After 2 hours of driving yesterday my 'child' kept commenting about every 15 minutes: I don't remember this drive being so long!!!
On July 14 France celebrates it's national holiday where women fought and died alongside the men in their revolution for democracy. On July 04 the American's celebrate their independence day where they fought and died beside each other against the British for their freedom.
On July 01 Canada celebrates it's national holiday where we asked the queen nicely for our independence. With flags flying we proudly celebrate the struggles we would have fought together if anybody else had wanted the place. Bound together by a mutual loathing of other provinces united only by the hatred (ok, dislike) of Ontario and an unnatural fixation on ice hockey where our French do everything differently just like in europe. Half british, half american, and half scandinavian, we seriously considered taking in a carribean island as a province, agreed on a beaver as our national symbol, we invented the zipper and the snowmobile, we churn out comedians, and show up high for the gold medal in the olympics, win it, have it taken back, and think that's just wrong because it had to be more difficult not less.
We send up a guitar playing astronaut when it's our turn to command the space station who sings David Bowie's Commander Tom on Utube while he's up there. We're part of the G7 even though our economy is microscopic in comparison and nobody knows why. We're the second largest country in the world with a population and economy smaller than California's, guarded by two diesel submarines we bought second hand from the brits. We're at war with Norway over Han Island. Like navy seals we glide over there and take down their flag and put ours up. They counter attack with their inflatable and put their flag back up. It's herring tales of bravery and never showing fear beaver the enemy. This struggle has gone on for years but it rarely makes the evening news except in Greenland.
We share the world's largest unguarded and undefended border (except for your drones but we agree with that) and have done for 199 years. Anyway, enough history, happy July 4th and happy Canada day.
Wolf, you forgot about St Jean Baptiste Day on June 24th in Quebec - Quebec's "fete nationale"! Yes, here in Quebec we do everything differently, just because Canada gives us the freedom to do so. (I am a transplanted Quebecer - came from the hated Ontario). Personally, I think that St. Jean Baptiste Day is just an excuse for another government holiday in the summer months. Canada apparently ranks third in the world in the LEAST number of holidays!
"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" This was driving my wife to her parent's house a few years ago. The house she grew up in. She knows the route better than any of us. Thankfully that hasn't happened again (that was a few years ago) but both sad and maddening.
I hope that you find some respite. Changing your own attitude is fine, but trying doing when sleep deprived and cranky and being driven made. I can handle 5 repetitions but not 6 and beyond.
Wolfe
"And that shoe slapping accordian polka heritage in the clown outfits is appealing to me in the same way as ripping my intestines out and strangling myself with them would be." Never loose that line. It will become a classic.