Asked to submit our stories to the Alzheimer's Reading Room, I thought of all the things I could submit but decided on the following. The journey we all have is hard but love, I believe will get us through it offering moments of happiness and joy. Some people in this world never even have those moments.
Our Story:
My husband is 81 years old.
Born in Brooklyn, now we live on a lake in Minnesota. I am 65.
This is the second marriage for both of us. We’ve been married 20 years.
When I was dating Bob, I asked him to tell me all his stories. He was an only child and his parents were deceased.
I loved all the stories he told me and treasure them today.
He remembers he once boxed in the golden gloves at Madison Square Garden and he was born in Coney Island Hospital – both which he loves to share will different people we meet on our travels.
I tell him some of the navy stories – remind him he was in the Korean conflict not Viet Nam – the fun story of when he was in Japan with his sailor buddies.
More important when we were dating he listened to my stories.
I told him a story of when I was 4 years old going to my great grandfather’s house who sold Hartford Insurance. He had a deer head on the wall and would take it down so I could play with it. I wanted that deer head after he passed but somehow it went from a small town in Iowa to a great aunt in California.
Bob heard my story and when we were dating he bought me the most wonderful courting gift – a deer head from a flea market.
I have that on our wall today.
We are on a trip to Florida today from Minnesota, several people we’ve met he’s told his Brooklyn boxing stories but couldn’t remember the town we have lived in for 12 years.
I tell him that’s ok – he turns to me and I fill in the blanks. I told him I would help be his memory.
I treasure his enjoyment of talking with people.
We are a team.
I love him dearly and it was the other way around, he would be there for me. Bob Ballard retired after a successful career in commercial real estate and lives with his wife, Jill Ballard on a lake in Minnesota. Jill retired from a career in sales management to spend more time and care for her husband. They enjoy watching the grandchildren fish from their dock and sharing in their lives. Every day is a gift and they try to live each day to its fullest.
The wave comes unrelenting and in a deafening roar crashes down sending bone crushing shivers through my hull; but, my little boat lifts and comes out the other side because even so the force of nature is very strong - so am I.
Countless generations my ancestors fought through their lives facing threats I can't imagine in an unbroken chain back to the dawn of life so that I could be here - and so will I.
I watch humanity, called by some unheard voice to where few are chosen, fall and break one after another pursuing it, believing in something more - and so do I.
I see others surmount hardship, overcome the odds, break through the barrier, stay strong under fire, keep their head, find their way, never give up - and so can I.
The wave comes unrelenting and in a deafening roar crashes down sending bone crushing shivers through my hull; but, my little boat lifts and comes out the other side because even so the force of nature is very strong - so am I.
Spent the afternoon volunteering with Hospice. Assigned a 4th grade young man. Mother lost to breast cancer, no maternal relatives, second marriage. step brothers teasing him and step father working long hours. I had him laughing and giggling playing with my iPad and proudly announcing for all to hear he was trouncing me in chess. To give a child like that 2 hours of smiles wipes out a ton of sorrows and grief
Marty* this says a lot about you - how wonderful that you could brighten this boy's world for a little while, and make him forget his problems. God bless.
Will be officially enrolled as a Support Group facilitator volunteer with local Alzheimer's Chapter next week . Between caring for MIL +DW + this forum I've found I've got a lot to contribute to ease the journey of those just starting our. I think from a therapeutic standpoint I get more benefit than the attendee's
From a Breast Cancer website: " Life is Available only in the Present Moment" I read this to mean take each day and find something positive in it, it may be the last.
A quote from Rose Kennedy: " It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone"
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." Ralph Waldo Emerson
I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning…to the end.
He noted that first came the date of birth and spoke the following date with tears, but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time that they spent alive on earth. And now only those who loved them know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own, the cars…the house…the cash. What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.
So, think about this long and hard. Are there things you’d like to change? For you never know how much time is left that can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough to consider what’s true and real and always try to understand the way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger and show appreciation more and love the people in our lives like we’ve never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile, remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.
So, when your eulogy is being read, with your life’s actions to rehash… would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent YOUR dash?
“Whenever anybody whom we love dies, we discover that although death is commonplace it is terribly original. We may have thought about it all our lives, but if it comes close to us, it is quite a new, strange thing to us, for which we are entirely unprepared. It may, perhaps, not be the bare loss so much as the strength of the bond which is broken that is the surprise, and we are debtors in a way to death for revealing something in us which ordinary life disguises.” ― William Hale White
Always remember a positive mind and optimistic view would definitely help you face the challenges more easily. At the same time we nned to educate the masses about simple measures to delay or prevent the onset of Alzheimers . Healty habits, eating right, exercising, mental and social activeness, stress in check are few measures.Brain healthy lifestyle would reverse the brain deterioration
Do you have a spouse with Alzheimers? If so, welcome. Please feel free to tell us about your story. But do wait until you know us a little better before you offer us advice.
In the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Kimmy explains in episode 2 that you can deal with almost everything for 10 seconds, be it waiting for a parent to arrive so you can open your birthday presents or turning the mystery crank. So when you LO is difficult to deal with just count to 10 and then start counting to 10 again. Live life 10 seconds at a time.