Hi Nikki, thank you for thinking of me. I thought it best to start a new thread ..the heading on the other one is out dated now. it's all been too much, I have been having counseling, but really it doesn't help much. I've been reading the posts, but find it hard to put into words what I want to say.
It's been a roller coaster few weeks. one good day, two not so good. The Nh has new management, and new rules...there was a sense of things not being the same there for a while. No one has been told why or what has happened. all new nursing staff from agency, new Dr that I don't get to see...no activities. They ring me for every little thing Dh does, if they find him on the floor they ring to say he fell. No one saw him fall they just assume, check him out and there's no marks or bruises....7 calls in three days. what am I supposed to do!
One morning that I went in to see him, he was asleep, the carer said when she went in at 7 that morning she found him undressed across the bed soaking wet and freezing, it's coming into winter here. She had to give him a hot shower and put him to bed to warm him up....where were the night staff, were they not checking on him...sorry, it's all been building up inside me, just couldn't find the words to post. Dh has declined so much, it's heartbreaking to see him like this. He's having trouble walking, can't seem to get the message from his brain to his feet to move, and he's now on pureed food as they say he has trouble swallowing. You know, a scoop of brown stuff / meat, a scoop of green, orange and white potatoe , the same every day...runny custard for dessert, yet others are having trifle or stewed apple and custard. Surely he could swallow that. I told them I would go in every day to feed him, if they would give him soft foods instead, but they say they won't take the responsibility. He has lost so much weight. I so angry now...for everything, not having control, and what the disease has taken away from me.
I will post on other threads.. Thank you Nikki....for your wisdom and strength, you are such an inspiration to me.
Oh Julia, I am so sorry to hear this. I feared things were not going well. Let me start with the positives, I am truly glad to hear you are in counseling. I know for some people it is a great help and with all you are and have continued to face it is good to know you have someone to talk to.
Advocacy is ridiculously difficult work. What makes it so ridiculous is that there just should be no reasonable reason for our loved ones to not receive the quality care we should be able to expect from these facilities. The cold fact is some people just do not care, they are in the job for the paycheck only. And it is our job to make sure these idiots no longer have the care of our loved ones. We have to be the voice for our loved ones and it is overwhelming all we must do to ensure their safety and proper care.
I get the anger Julia. The outrage boils inside me when I feel Lynn is not getting the care he needs and deserves. We haven't experienced anything as drastic as you have in the hospital and now the nursing home. As I told you in your other thread, you need to take that anger and put it to good use, burn it for the fuel you need to fight for your husband.
That he was found naked, wet and freezing, that just breaks my heart. It pisses me off too! The night aide in charge of his care needs to be fired. You need to file a complaint and let them know that individual is no longer allowed to have care over your husband. You have that right.
You need to be able to see his doctor. Period. There is no excuses, he should be available to answer your concerns and questions. If he isn't, demand a new doctor that will be.
If your DH is having swallowing issues it is understandable that they would not want him eating anything that could cause choking or aspiration. But it is not acceptable that he is getting the same foods for every meal! I fill out a menu for Lynn every week. Perhaps you could talk to the dietitian and request a better quality and variety of food options.
That they call you is actually a positive in my book. It tells me they are implementing their safety plan. I told them if Lynn has a paper cut I want to know! Some people do not want to know every little thing, and that is perfectly understandable. You just need to ask them not to call you unless it is urgent.
It is all so overwhelming Julia and my heart aches for you both. Have you been in touch with the DON (director of nursing) to talk about your concerns with the new management and his lack of care and activities? If not, that is where you should start. Call for a care plan meeting to discuss your concerns.
Please also remember that you do not have to do this alone. Remember the Ombudsman services we talked about? Another one of their services is to help you advocate for better care. Like any other service, it is only as good as the heart of the individual you are dealing with. If you don't care for the Ombudsman you see, or think they are not helping you as they should be, don't be afraid to ask to talk with someone else. It is their job to help you!! I have found them very helpful.
If need be, you can also file a claim for neglect and abuse. I am not sure which agency you would contact there, but the Ombudsman can get you in contact with them.
In case you can't find it, here is the site for Australian Ombudsman services. http://www.health.gov.au/internet/main/publishing.nsf/content/ageing-complaints-index.htm#Contacting%20an%20advocacy
Contact numbers are on the site. If you feel overwhelmed by the whole process, and that would be understandable dear lady, just give them a call and let them do the work for you.
If you want to talk or if I can be of any help, please feel free to email me. My email is in my profile. Just please do let me know you will be writing as my security is set to high and unknown emails go directly to my "junk file".
We are all here to help you through this Julia. (((((((((hugs)))))))))
Julie - that is so though to read. Nikki has great advice. Hope you get this resolved and I think the new manager should be fired. No activities....really! That is so wrong. It all is wrong.
Julia its good to hear from you. so sorry you have such difficulty with the staff for DH care. it takes so much to stay on top of coordinating and overseeing that the adequate care is maintained. nikki gave you excellent advice. hope things get easier for him and you. divvi
Amber, I'd still like to know why the last manger left or was sacked. They blame everything on Government funding, and they are waiting for new funding in July, which is the start of our financial year.
Thank you Divvi, there is 2 carers for 16 residents plus 1 lady comes in for 6 hours to clean and dish out lunch meals. I really think they need another 2 carers...some residents need more care than others.
Nikki...You are so right in that some are just there for the paycheck. Some complain they don't get enough pay, these are the ones that should not be there. Trying to get information is like trying to get blood from a stone...passing the buck onto the next person. There is a residents and families meeting on the 7th June, I will make sure I am heard and get some answers.
I have kept all the links you sent me Nikki. I will use them if things don't improve after the meeting, I want to meet and see what this new lady manager is going to implement and what improvements she has planned...if any!
They said it's their duty to ring me if Dh falls or what ever else happens...Ok, but no one sees him fall, one said he likes to check out the tables and chairs, looks underneath, she has seen him just sit on the floor....it's getting I dread the phone ringing.
Just had to edit to put this in...when I complained about the meals being the same everyday, the head nurse (triple CCC, they call her) she said she is looking at getting moulds for the pureed food...like a vegetable shape mould, meat shape mould,,etc..so the food looks like the real thing....now really, what diff is that going to make..argh!
I'm going to demand a Dr's written report fortnightly / monthly, they keep records on the office computer, but I don't get to see them. They were going to start charging for pads, but that hasn't happened yet, that was what the old manager said at a meeting...due to not enough funding.
Family are coming for lunch today...we will have a family meeting.
Thank you so much Nikki...everyone here is so supportive..♥
Julia, you are doing a fantastic job! Very glad to hear you have a meeting in place. Give em hell!!!!
If things don't improve, have your ducks in a row. And don't be afraid to let them know you will be calling in the troops. Having Ombudsman written in big enough words for them to see in your notebook wouldn't hurt either *wink*
It is sad but true, the squeaky wheel gets the oil. Or in this case, the nagging wife gets better care for her spouse. It shouldn't be that way, we should be able to rest easy that they are getting the best quality care no matter if we are there or not. But it isn't that way. Those who have spouses or relatives visit daily are the ones who get more attention. I have heard time and time again, oh we better get so and so up, her husband will be coming in for lunch. etc. etc.
But there are those who truly do care. Who lavish love on those who are abandoned. There are many of these angels now at Lynn's nursing home. But not enough. I have said time and time again, it doesn't matter how nice or fancy a facility is, it is only as good as the staff working there right this moment.
I am glad your DH had an angel that cared enough to get him warmed up with a shower and tucked into bed. (and clued you into the neglect he suffered.) I wish there were more like her!
The food molds made me giggle. The nursing home doesn't do this, but our local hospital does. They told me the reasoning was because it made the pureed food look more appealing and they hoped it would increase their desire to eat. It might? I am not sure. I feed Lynn so he doesn't even look at the food. But he can clearly tell me when he likes something and when he doesn't. He is quite vocal about what he doesn't like in fact LOL!
I would ask for a menu to for you to fill out weekly. I had to ask for one for Lynn. There is no excuse to be offering him the same foods. Slackers!
As for the phone calls. If the calls are coming too often and do nothing but cause you stress, just be truthful with them about it. If you tell them not to call unless it is urgent, I would think they would have to abide by your wishes. They may request you sign a waiver.
You sound stronger Julia. I am sure you must feel overwhelmed, but your strength is shinning through. ((hugs))
Julia I am so sad for the sadness for you and your guy. I too am astonished that your dh was cold oh that is so awful . Nikki has given you perfect advice and I cannot wait to hear how it all turns out, prayers going out for both of you for a resolution, real soon, and some relief.
Thank you so much Coco..I was beside myself with anger when I was told. Clearly so was the carer upset that found him that way. I will make sure it doesn't happen again!
Nikki, family came for lunch, we discussed changing NH's, but we could end up worse off. It just might unsettle and confuse Dh more, that is if one was available and the stress we would go through. So we'll wait and see if anything comes of the meeting next Friday. Today Dh was calm and settled in a recliner sleepy, listening to music, it's all about who happens to be on duty that day. When I see him happy, I'm happy.
We'll see how lunch time is tomorrow, and what is served up. I will be there! Thanks so much ♥
Julia - Being a care aide I have to say that one of the things I would look into is the staffing ratio at night. One place were I worked I hadto, by myself, look after 50 patients. 25 on one floor and 25 on the other. They seem to think that they need less staff at night. What about sundowning, most physical assault occur at night, also patients don't stop wetting and pooping at night. I had situations where a patient would have a BM and then play in it. I would be there awhile cleaning him/her up then on to the next room were they would be wet. Then get someone that is up and wandering back to bed and then go into another room and find a patient that was in your hubby situation. I would feel horrible and upset becasue I didn't have enough help to look after people properly. The aide that made the comment to you was wrong and she probably had a personality conflict with the night staff. But trying to make herself look good in your eyes by upsetting you is wrong. She should of talked about staffing shortage not pointing fingers. Little sh** head but every place where I've worked you always get one. Self esteem is in the dumpster so trys to made herself look good but slagging others.
If you want to get upset at someone or thing I have one word for you "MONEY" gov't cut backs, owners looking at their profit margines. The care aides are over worked, burnt out and under paid. We care about the people in our care.
Glad you family meeting went well Julia. "When I see him happy, I'm happy" How well I understand! Keep in touch and please do let us know how your meeting goes. ((hugs))
Amber, I am a bit shocked, no a lot shocked! 1 person in charge of 50 people?? How can that even be legal? It isn't here. Though there is no federal law on aide to patient ratio (though there is for nurses) However, the federal regulations do mandate that "each resident must receive and the facility must provide the necessary care and services to attain or maintain the highest practicable physical, mental, and psychosocial well-being, in accordance with the comprehensive assessment and plan of care." Some states do have there own laws that do require more specific aide to patient ratio.
Where Lynn is it suppose to be 1/7 but is often as high as 1/11. I am outraged by even that low of a standard and am working hard at trying to change the laws. But 1 to 50?!!!! That is just horrible and honestly, I can't see how this isn't considered neglect and abuse. Good Lord! There is no way I would even consider placing a loved one in such a place.
Cut backs are extremely difficult. This is another reason I opted for a non profit facility. Less money grubbing scoundrels to deal with.
Amber, I too am extremely shocked. I don't know how you did it! There's no way that would be legal here...Families would protest. That in my eyes is neglect to wards the residents, no way could you ever give them the care they need. What if there was an emergency, one fell broke a hip...and on 2 floors! Yes, there's always that one who is trying to big note herself and thinks she's in charge. There's one on at night from 11pm -7am, plus there's a RN on the premises on call. Thank you Amber ♥
Nikki, I can't wait for the meeting. I will ask DS to go with me, I will post on how it goes. They also have other sections, each section is set up like a little house...one section has 10 lady residents. Then there's low care, assisted living and people living in their own paid for little units. The place is run by Baptistcare, supposed to be a non-profit org...they have facilities all over the state. I still don't know who was on that night...everyone is too scared to say anything for fear of losing their job. Thanks Nikki ♥
There was recently a TV news show about the lack of care our seniors are receiving while they are in LTC. One extreme ratio is 1 to 99. The poor care aide had 4 floors to look after and this goes on in non pofit and profit facilities. After the show they recieved 10,000 letter telling about their loved ones being abused by other patients. I would suggest to go and visit the facility at night and see what the ratio is. Also in the provinces up here, they do have care aide to patient ratio of 1 to 8. But just because the regulations are there doesn't mean they are followed.
Julia - the reason no one is saying anything is to protect the poor staff that was probably over worked. The management can spin a pretty tale about the great care they give....but alot of the time it isn't so.
When I ran the facilities where I worked if I was short I would go in to cover. You can bet that that doesn't happen very often at other places. And I spend my whole budget on the care screw the profit.
That just blows my mind. Actually here in America a regulation being broken (especially to that degree) does matter. The facility would be closed, there would be law suits and I am betting jail time. You do make a good point in that we should go in during all shifts to make sure our loved ones are getting the proper care. We have discussed this before and it is important. I regularly go in during all shifts and have even spent the night many times.
I do also agree that these poor people are very overworked and tragically underpaid! We are not allowed to give the staff individual gifts, not even at Christmas, they told me because it could be construed the wrong way. (like a bribe for better care) But we can bring in baked goods or food as a thank you to the staff as a whole. This is something I do regularly because I think it so important to let them know they are appreciated. I also am as quick to praise as I am to criticize. They seem to appreciate these small acts.
Ah yes Amber, the brochure show a lovely caring environment, smiling faces all around, but behind it all is overworked staff and not the care one is expecting for a LO. One of these days I will go in on the evening shift, just to see how they cope then...here they get in an extra carer 4-7pm to help out with evening dinners and to get residents ready for bed, by 7 most residents are in bed, some need to be some don't.
Today Dh only wanted to sleep...when I arrived he was in bed asleep,so I will go back tomorrow. I always thank the staff and say I appreciate everything they do for Dh.
Well we had our Nh meeting for families and residents. My 2 boys came with me...i was so grateful for them being there for support. These two have gone their separate ways and it breaks my heart that they are not as close as I'd like them to be....but they were there together for me yesterday.
We were the most vocal...we made sure the new manager knew what we were not happy with. She did not know of a lot of things that had gone on and what should have been documented had not been. The episode of Dh naked left on bed freezing at night ..well that carer has now gone! DS#2 raised the issue of only one carer on for 16 residents, while the other 2 go off for lunch...that's not to happen again. The food, only runny custard for dessert she agreed that's not acceptable....a dietitian will look into my DH's food, there a lot he can have, they are either too busy or just too lazy to bother. So many issues were covered, menus pinned up, activities schedule pinned up on the notice board, with activities also on weekends I asked for a monthly Dr's report, which she said will happen. Also a monthly newsletter.
I know it's not going to happen overnight, but at least I came away hopeful that better care will be given....she is going to ask for feedback on staff and will set up an awards program for carers and staff that excel in their care....I will be watching!
Well done, Julia. You have battled long and hard to reach this point. You really can be hopeful now as it does all begin and end, with the manager and it seems that she knows what she is doing and is prepared to listen. (Pleased to hear that the evil carer has been removed!) And did you go dancing?
Thanks Cassie, not yet...dancing is on a Friday, Yesterday was the meeting, next Friday DS #2 is taking me to see Cirque Du Soleil I'll go te friday after that... feeling so mch happier now...
Excellent!! Such a huge weight lifted off your shoulders. You have done just awesome Julia! Now you only need to hold that manager accountable for all the promises she made. I am so glad your son's were able to pull together for you. And even happier to hear that you are feeling so much happier now. Whew! It's hard work isn't it!! You deserve to feel the happiness and take a break from the constant fear and worry. Enjoy the movie and your dance classes ♥
Thanks Nikki. We sure have to fight for our LO's all the way.. The whole problem was staff from agencies while the transition took place from the old management to the new. Now lets see if she carries through with and delivers all she has promised .
Thanks Coco. I'm so proud of you too, you sure have come a long way. It's been a long hard road to travel, but I think we are coping better, not so many tears and perhaps able to smile a bit now.♥
Julia - I'm happy that you are happy. The less stress on you and your family the better. The only thing I would suggest is get a copy of the meeting minutes or her promises in writting. It is really important to have a paper trail so if what she says isn't happening you have it in writting to show her. Makes everyone accountable.
Thanks divvi...I hope so too, the manager will be held accountable for her promises..
Amber, it was said at the meeting that a copy of the minutes will be sent out to all residents families. I will make sure it is.. My first impression of her was that she looked very young around in her 40's, but she seems to know what she's talking about and has had many years in aged care...only time will tell now how good she is going to be for the NH.