I brush my husband's teeth. Lately he's been doing all this weird stuff with his tonge, which makes it really hard to brush the inside of his teeth, especially the tops. Lat night, just couldn't get it done and he got so mad at me, he had this look on his face - I thought he might hit me. Then in the middle of the night I just happened to wake up while he was going out the bedroom door. He had no idea where he was going or why. I read somewhere once, "It's not if they start wandering, it's when." I guess my "when" is now.
I agree that's what you have to watch out for but my wife never wandered away. Mid stage where she couldn't cook or drive or use the phone and couldn't do her hair although she could still brush her teeth decently - I used to let her sit out in the backyard and told her repeatedly she had to stay in the yard or we couldn't let her enjoy it (no fences).
I don't know whether it was luck or what but she never once went for the door or ever seemed to be looking for a way out of the house. She was always such a content little child I was told.
She had her own car, worked a career, always just went out and did things, had her own money and her own cards all her life - so she was used to empowering herself.
I have no idea why they wander. I do believe the advice that you put the locks up high and not eye height or lower.
My policy was always that she had to prove it was necessary which was dangerous early where a neighbour came to the door agitated that she had watched my wife cross a red light right through traffic without looking. It was the first time and it cost her regular gym workout she walked to. I started driving her but within a month they talked to me about her not even being able to use the machines anymore despite lots of help.
Up in the middle of the night to go somewhere in the house - regular feature. I hope this isn't the start of a trend for you. It became an axiom that if I saw something once then somewhere down the road I would [see] it more. Not 100% but close.
It was the getting up and wandering around the house that made me leave her lamp on all night plus two more downstairs so she could see. That's the trigger to when I moved into the guest bedroom and unfortunately for us, was the start of a long wrestle with sleep until I learned to set up what I needed to at night (like making sure the bathroom light was on) and then sleeping through the noise when my wife rearranged her closet at 4am or decided to spread out the mattresses across her room (again).
Our spouses are all a little different. We can't be sure what we'll see I believe.
pam, the wandering can start at any time. more important is the 'look' you are mentioning. the anger and aggression when they are upset. please make sure you have a safe place and by all means if you can install dead bolts with keyed double entries, it has saved many of our spouses leaving when they took notion. mine was a 'runner' as we call them and disappeared in a heartbeat and usually when he knew I was in bathroom or not looking a few minutes. that's all it takes, and I never saw a person travel so fast when they have a purpose, (or not):) and mine loved to go at night after dark. without the deadbolts on bedroom door AND entries out of thehouse I would have surely lost him. many have stated once these guys get it into their heads to leave, you cant physically get them to comply. stay safe and make sure you alert your local police or better make sure hes got the alzheimers bracelet on with contact info .. think its safe alert or something to the effect you can sign them up for min fee. many monitors to attach to them if it gets really bad. divvi
pam, my hb wanders and would wonder day and night if allowed him to however it is much worse at night. As divvi says, they can disappear in a flash. I have not yet to find a solution to prevent his need for wandering but have deadbolts on all doors leading to the outside, the sliders secured with wood in the tracks so he can't open them. He's enrolled in the Alz Asso "Safe Return" program and wears "dog tags" with his info AND I have him enrolled in the Local Sheriff depts. Project Lifesaver program where they put a gps bracelet on him. Unfortunately he can take off the dog tags and has continuously cut the heavy plastic bracelet which holds the gps tracker. Unfortunately we are both prisoners in our home most days. Trust me if he wants to go he will find a way. A few days ago I found the windows opened in our bedroom on the 2nd floor-he was thinking about jumping out. It's a constant battle. My hb is one of the most difficult ones-he has FTD so is very often angry and aggressive in addition to his efforts to escape.
All excellent information. My husband was a runner too. It was so bad that I had to nail the bedroom windows so they could only open a little as he would go out them. Even in the dead of winter. He had no reason why. I hated doing it, but I had to keep him safe too. I didn't drive the nails all the way in so that in case of fire I could push them open. It was just enough to stop him from climbing out.
He also did the night wandering in the house. Then he wasn't exit seeking, he was just wandering around and rummaging through anything and everything. I believe this was due to his severe sundowning. I feel so badly when I think about what must have been going on in his poor head at that time to make him so agitated and need to move about relentlessly. It was like he was uncomfortable in his own skin. Poor buggers......
LFL, is there anyway that the GPS tracker could be attached to a metal chain link bracelet and put on his non-dominant hand/wrist? Because of heart problems (valve replacement, stents, filters to catch clots) among other health issues, Claude wore "Medic Alert+Safe Return" dog tag for several years. The tag worked well for years until he started to take it off and hide it. I purchased a chain link bracelet from the organization with his health information on it and put it on his right wrist as he was right handed. He tried every way possible to get off and I told him it was stuck and even I couldn't get it off.
Thankfully he wasn't a wanderer, but if he had of, there was a means to identify him.
Pam: I've posted this tip in the past. DW is a wanderer. Shopping, she can disappear in a flash. Most recently, while trying on a new pair of sneakers, she was seated along side of me and in the slit seconds when i got up to take a few trial steps, she was gone! I make it a habit of taking a camera phone pic every time we walk out the door. In a panic with a lost loved one the answers to "What is she wearing?" and your ability describe your missing LO is slowed at best! Never has the saying " a picture is better than a 1000 words been more apropos. The most recent event ended quickly, store security was posted at the door, and a salesman spotted her wandering in the camping section of the store. The photo was invaluable! She wears a Safe Return bracelet and I've looked into GPS devices. They appear too bulky for her to wear comfortably
Thank you all so much for sharing your stories and for the good suggestions. I'm not so worried about the wandering; I'm pretty sure what to do about that. But the anger, that look on his face... Very frightening.
redbud, thanks for the chain link suggestion, I'll have to look into that. Actually we attach it to his dominate leg (right) so it is harder for him to cut off but he manages. DH has never worn jewelry except for a watch so I doubt he would keep it on his wrist. I figured out of sight out of mind on his ankle under socks but he still manages to cut it off.
pam, try contacting the dr and see if something can be prescribed to help with the anger. Yes, it's frightening.
LFL, I think it would be better to put the bracelet on his dominant wrist. If it's on his ankles, he has both hands he can use to do the cutting. If it's on his wrist, he can't get much help from that hand to manipulate whatever he is cutting with.
Janet, thanks. I meant to say dominant not non-dominant. He was right handed so we put it on his right wrist. It had a loop type closure which locked, so he couldn't manage with his left hand. I even had a hard time trying to open it with both hands! It was the same type of closure like those ID bracelets our kids wore when they were in elementary school back in the 60s.
Thanks ol don* (BTW good to hear from you!). Tried that for the last 2 days and he found it while feeling for his belt (which was already on) and tried to remove it (I have it on Velcro). I'm running out of ideas and places to hide it. He actually really needs it on him at night because that's when he's most likely to try and get out. So far haven't found a place to put it on him at night that he won't tear it off.
In an aside, I recently read that when people with dementia wander they will usually go in the direction of their dominate side. Makes sense but I hadn't seen that before so I thought I would share it.
We've fallen off a cliff here in so many ways and I am exhausted trying to stay ahead of everything. Neighbor brought DH home yesterday and I didn't think he stepped foot off the driveway. I was taking a cat nap. Not sure how others might respond to this idea, but has microchipping ever been suggested? It works so well for pets. Wouldn't it be great if someone invented a chip to place in a shoe or a special pocket in clothing?
You are right, paulc. I totally short-circuited on the fact that the discussion was about a tracking device and not an information device. I am curious now as to how big these GPS things are.
They have them in cell phones. IF you can get your DH to always have a cell on him. LFL, I understand your frustration as I never was able to come up with a way to keep Lynn's on. He often hurt himself coming up with ways to rip it off. In the end I figured it was doing more harm than good and stopped putting it on him. He did carry the card in his wallet without a problem.
Thanks all. Unfortunately my hb hides anything he thinks has value-I cannot keep a wallet or id on him-he hides them god knows where. Same with the cell phone..."lost" it with 2 hours, a few days later I fund it hidden in a bucket in the bathroom. I could try the underwear but that would mean sewing it on a new pair every day. And that's if he doesn't find it and tear it off. $350 to replace and at this point I'm maxed out on spending money on replacing things.
Yes, I have thought of having my vet chip him (I think she might even though I'm sure it's no legal) but who would think of looking for a chip in him? No one so that idea doesn't work. I can buy shoes with a gps in the (very costly) but I would have to be the one to track him on my computer and you know what....I don't want one more assignment.
LFL, I don't know if this will help or not, but when my DH was still home he had a project lifesaver device monitored by our local Sheriff's office. After the Officer put the bracelet on DH I knew that sooner of later he'd somehow get it off & sure enough I found the bracelet. Luckily I found the electronic device on the floor in our bedroom. I didn’t know what to do & then someone suggested that I thread it through his shoelaces on his shoes (he always wore the same sneakers). Sure enough, it worked! He didn't even realize it was there. My DH wore his shoes 24/7. The only time he took them off is when I could trick him into taking a shower, so I didn't have to worry about him leaving the house without his shoes on.
Lloyd was a runner. Divvi's right...he could really move when he thought he was escaping. I used to tell people that he was like a horse out of the gate at the Kentucky Derby when he made a break for it. We got a double keyed deadbolt on the front door and the running off ended except for once when someone forgot to lock it. Smartest thing we ever did.
ElaineH, it's the gps from the local sheriff's dept project lifesaver and he keeps cutting/breaking the plastic bracelet off. Last time I tried putting an id on his shoelaces in his sneakers he undid the whole lace to take the id off (it was barely noticeable) so I don't think that would work, but it's been a while so maybe he will accept it now.
Linda Mc*, perfect description of my husband....off like a racehorse! Now all the doors are double checked that they are deadbolted.
paulc, been there done that and it's even a female sheriff who he likes. They are now going to put a heavy leather band on him which is not waterproof and will definitely cause skin irritation and rashes. I am truy out of ideas and he MUST have the gps on. He's back into his sundowning and wanting to "get outta here".
Brought this page back up because of what I have been dealing with for awhile now. My DH gets up every night. Sometimes he will get back in bed. Some nights he starts to get dressed. I will say his name and tell him it is night time and say get back in bed. His response is to yell "what" at me. This is not the first night he has gotten dressed. I know he can not think logical. I am just venting and tired. I say he is stage 6 b or more. He is having trouble with his words and cannot keep up with a conversation. He has not driven in 4 years. He got in his truck and tried to get it out of the garage. He has not mentioned driving in a long time. This was in the daytime. Luckily it got wedged between the mower and garage door. No one was hurt. I hid the keys. Going to sell the truck. What makes them start things up again. I am tired. I have not had a good night sleep in years. I have a daughter with an eating disorder and have lost sleep over her. She is married and an adult. I cannot get her to get help. Her husband and I are really trying to get her help. She lives out if state. Dealing with both if these things are going to kill me. I just want to place him and that would be some relief. But I have to get guardianship first. I have someone come in during the day a couple of times. He gets angry about that. He says there is nothing wrong with him. As I said I know all the things of them not realizing and that you cannot reason with them. I am just wanting to get this out and have someone hear me who knows what I am going through. Thanks for listening. Hope this made some sense.
Jackiem29, everything you say makes perfect sense. It sounds like you are to the point of exhaustion. Before something happens to you I encourage you to take the steps necessary to obtain guardianship. You must keep moving forward and that seems the next step for you. As far as your daughter you are dealing with an addiction and until or unless she admits to having a problem you cannot do much except pray. Perhaps see if there are AA type meetings for family members who have a loved one with an eating disorder. You must get more support for yourself and put yourself first. We as caregivers do ourselves a disservice when we negate our own needs while trying to care for others. You are trying to drive on an empty tank and we all know what happens when the tank runs out of gas.
Jackie some of us resorted to dead bolts on doors and AD proofed the house or bedroom as best we could. then we just let them get up dressed and whatever else they get into in the day. its so very stressful to have them up in the wee hrs getting into trouble. or worse out the door into the night. dead bolts saved my sanity. he was not happy with them and tried every way to escape to no avail. sometimes we have to do the impossible to keep them safe. good luck
Hi jackiem, I sympathize with what you are going through and am worried that the sleep deprivation you are experiencing is making it harder to focus on what is most important. I can tell you that in my case, I was walking around in circles at one point, not sure of what to do first and as a result, getting almost nothing done. And you are dealing with more challenges that the average care giver.
I second CO2's advice. The first thing you have to do is to remove the roadblocks standing in the way of placing your husband. If your state requires a guardianship to place him, then make that your priority. I urge you to see an elder law attorney and get this first step resolved. Every thing else is secondary.
My grandson has started running 5k. he brought home an order form for an ID band that hooks onto his shoes. It is a "who am I" there is room for a name, address, several phone numbers and medical information. I am planning on ordering one for my DH who is non ambulatory but can transfer to his scooter and be gone in a milla-second. he refuses to wear the life-alert button but hopefully he cannot see or reach the shoe tag.
Jackiem29 - I hear you loud and clear...unfortunately your husband is demonstrating fairly common dementia behaviors. My husband is in early stage 7 and frequently gets up at night, rummages through the master closet, pulls everything out, dresses, undresses, dresses again, sigh......I moved out of the bedroom 2 years ago for my own peace of mind and sleep. I've even put locks on the outside of the bedroom door so he can't accidentally fall down the stairs which are right outside the bedroom door. So much to deal with and worry about.
I agree with CO2, I'd start guardianship procedures as soon as possible (yes, I know, one more thing to do) so you can take whatever action you feel is in your husband's and your best interest. I can only imagine the stress you feel about your daughter's illness; perhaps there is a way for you to get some support.
You are not alone, we are here to support you the best we can and yes, we know what you're going through.
Jackiem29, you are certainly not alone experiencing the night time escapades. My DH has been experiencing the night time wake-ups for about a good 20 months now. Fortunately it isn't every night, happens maybe every five-six weeks. I had double-keyed deadbolts installed on all our exterior access doors (5). When he gets up, he starts the whole process of showering, shaving, dressing, etc. as if he's starting his day. And pointing out that it's 1:00 a.m. and it's dark outside makes no difference. Have you tried any medication for sleeping? My DH is on 25 mg of Seroquel before bed and it's really helped.
I'm really sorry for all the stress you're enduring right now. Hang in there, we're all in this crazy boat together!
Thanks for listening. I have been to an elder care attorney. Have the paperwork. Just have put it off. I keep thinking how he will react when they serve him with papers. That is ridiculous to me. He cannot sign his name or read. Then there are step children involved. They wil be notified. Which I don't care about that. I just know how his mom will react. She is the one who took him 3 years ago to revoke POA. I had that fixed. She is not allowed in hearing unless I say ok. Which I will not. So much stress besides the AD. This truly destroys so many lives. Getting alarms for doors. I am getting them today. He has never cooked so I do not have to worry about that at night while he wanders. So that's a plus. Well, have to get busy on this list. Thanks again everyone for listening. Truck wil disappear during daughters move.