I have searched all the message boards haven't found this posted so I'm sharing it. This was given to me last week at my first visit to a caregiver's group meeting.
"Welcome To Planet Alzheimer's" - by Candace Stewart
www.planetalzheimers.com
You are now a visitor on Planet Alzheimer's. You have chosen to follow your loved one there, as they are an unwilling inhabitant, having been taken there by force. You do not want them to be alone in this absurd place. But you are still used to the influences of Planet Earth. You will find that Earth rules no longer apply on Planet Alzheimer's and you will have to learn to adjust to these new rules if you want to survive this journey. They are as follows:
1) Never Argue 2) Logic and reason do not exist 3) Lying is acceptable 4) You are not who you think you are, you are who they think you are 5) Never take anything personally 6) Old memories are best 7) Learning to do something new is not important 8) Being loved and accepted at all times is important 9) Have no expectations 10) Take advantage of the shuttle back to Earth as often as possible
Ten Commandments for Communicating with an Alzheimer’s Patient.
1. Make eye contact. Always approach them face-to-face and make eye contact. Use their name if you need to. It is vital that they actually see you and that their attention is focused on you. Read their eyes. Always approach from the front as approaching and speaking from the side or from behind can startle them.
2. Be at their level. Move your head to be at the same level as their head. Bend your knees or sit down to reach their level. Do not stand or hover over them – it is intimidating and scary. They can’t focus on you and what you are saying if they are focused on their fear.
3. Tell them what you are going to do before you do it. Particularly if you are going to touch them. They need to know what is coming first so that they don’t think that you are grabbing them.
4. Speak calmly. Always speak in a calm manner with an upbeat tone of voice, even if you don’t feel that way. If you sound angry or agitated, they will often mirror that feeling back to you and then some.
5. Speak slowly. Speak at one half of your normal speed when talking to them. Take a breath between each sentence. They can not process words as fast as non-diseased people can. Give them a chance to catch up to your words.
6. Speak in short sentences. Speak in short direct sentences with only one idea to a sentence. Usually they can only focus on only one idea at a time.
7. Only ask one question at a time. Let them answer it before you ask another question. You can ask who, what, where and when, but NOT why. Why is too complicated. They will try to answer, fail and get frustrated.
8. Don’t say “remember”. Many times they will not be able to do so, and you are just pointing out to them their shortcomings. That is insulting, and can cause anger and/or embarrassment.
9. Turn negatives into positives. For example say “Let’s go here” instead of “Don’t go there”. Be inclusive and don’t talking down to them as if they were a child. Respect the fact that they are an adult, and treat them as such.
10. Do not argue with them. It gets you nowhere. Instead, validate their feelings, by saying” I see that you are angry (sad, upset, etc…). It lets them know that they are not alone and then redirect them into another thought. For example “It sounds like you miss your mother (husband, father, etc…). You love them very much, don’t you? Tell me about the time…” Then ask for one of their favorite stories about that person).
These carried in the Alzheimer’s Reading Room today written by Carol Larkin.
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A comment by Judy followed the article that is also worth repeating.
Thoughts from a person with Dementia!!
Can You See ME? I am sitting here with my eyes open, though you speak as if I am not here. I am here! Can't you see me? I AM still in here!
Touch me with your hand, Please, my skin still feels. Rub my arm and pat my hand. I CAN feel you. I long for human contact. I AM in here.
Talk to me. I am alone and isolated in this chair. I am lonely but I cannot tell you. I feel helpless, I can't move by myself. I sit here all day with no stimulation, only the sound of alarms and intercoms. I am bored! PLEASE TALK TO ME!
Admin: please feel free to put on the page. If you log in to www.planetalzheimers.com the writer has actually developed a book which I have ordered - haven't read it yet but will let you know what it's like when it comes.