My husband has recently became the "Moral Police" Just to name a few, He just can't understand why people smoke (even though he smoked for 25 years before he quit) drink alcohol, have any type of junk in their yard, drive a older car that may be loud, men with long hair or beards and tattoo's all the worst to him. I try to explain, that it really doesn't affect him, he tells me that I am always against him. Anyone else have occurring?
Kadee - My DH became the "FAT POLICE" one day...we were riding along & out of no where he says "There are so many FAT PEOPLE" around here! LOL!! What could I say, he was right...thankfully we were in the car (windows up) so noone got their feelings hurt.
This is REALLY interesting to me. I thought it was just my husband. He has always been a "rules" type of person. This is the rule; you follow it. And he has always been the type who had trouble seeing things from a perspective different than his. But when he didn't have AD, and we had in depth discussions, he was able to see the other side of things. It was tough for him to understand our son and me, who are kind of "free thinkers."
But since AD, it has been RIGID, RIGID, RIGID. Anything that is out of his realm of what he considers "the rules" or the "right" way to dress, act, drive, park the car, or a host of other activities is WRONG WRONG WRONG. And the person perpretrating such acts is an IDIOT and other unmentionable labels.
Must have something to do with that "reasoning button" everyone tells me is broken.
Wow, I never thought of this as being Alz. I just thought my DH was getting cranky in his old age! He has been commenting on people who are heavy, how they park in front of our condo, don't mow the grass/rake leaves and anything else he thinks is a no,no. Could these be signs of Alz? He's been like this for a couple of years and I never thought about it being Alz. Still didn't even after he was Dxd because he had been doing it for a while.
My husband wanted to give every child visiting our community pool swimming lessons because they weren' doing it right. Sure got some strange looks from the parents.
My DH would say things about people while in grocery line where everyone could here. i would just die. and then he'd 'wink' like it was soo funny...those were bad times. he didnt have a prejudice bone in his body and during that time everyone had something wrong with them -divvi
my dh would comment on whether he thought someone was ugly or pretty. i was afraid he would hurt someones feelings. he really turned against his sister in law for a long time. he didn't have one good word to say about her and told me he did not want her at our house. now,she is some character,i have to admit,but she has been good to me in alot of ways,and been there for me in times of need. he seems to have calmed down alot and just doesn't say much of anything anymore. jav
I don't think this is just AD - my deceased spouse referred to my MIL from my first marriage as 'your little fat friend'. She was someone I dearly loved, so that was hard to take.
My husband is always saying "Boy, she's not a looker" He never said, that phase in his life until recently. Sounds like something his dad would say. He also thinks everyone is smoking marijuana, when he sees someone smoking.
My husband hates everyone at any given moment including his kids. This is all talk when we are alone. Then when he sees these people he hates he is as nice as pie. I fear the day he says the things to someones face that he tells me. This includes all his medical people too. Last week he walked out of one drs office he was so angry...who knows why...not me?
I wondered about these sorts of things. My husband is MCI and a former pastor who was well-loved by our community. Now he comments out loud about people being "fat" and he refuses to be around one of my coworkers who is my best friend at work, because she is lesbian. Prior to this we socialized and ate out together. I feel tense every time we go out in public.
From what I have been told by doctors and what I have read, the outbursts in public are due to the "impulse control" button being broken. Remember when we took our toddlers to the grocery store, and they pointed to someone loudly proclaiming - "Why is she so FAT, Mommy??" At age two, our children's impulse control had not yet developed. With AD, the person's brain regresses, so they are back to the two year old stage.
As for the "moral police" and strict adherence to rules, our neurologist told me that thinking flexibility goes, and they become more and more rigid in their thinking. Black and white. No gray areas. They can't think like that anymore.
I've heard of this behavior well before my DH had AD. My Dad was always kind of a "loose-lipped" guy, but particularly after his retirement. We kind of saw him as just a crotchety, cranky, mean ol' man. With his AD diagnosis we realized Dad's lack of social judgement was only "in part" due to dementia. Cuz like I said, Dad was always somewhat judgemental.
DH would scare me with his voice level. He'd say things I was sure people could hear. When I'd shoosh him he'd get mad and say "they can't hear me." I feared DH would be attacked by someone he offended (or by the overweight or busty woman's man - yikes!). I have learned that they don't perceive that they are not talking in their own little soundproof bubble. I now fear more for the sensitive person out there whose feelings may be hurt by something DH says.
this has been a bad day, but kadee, i had to laugh when you said your dh says "boy,she's not a looker" that just struck me as funny. i am still laughing when i think about it. joan, your comment about what children can say at the grocery store reminded me of something my oldest daughter said when she was little. we were at the grocery store and were coming out,when we bumped into a lady? i used to work with,now this lady? was something else,always thought she was gorgous and just beyond beauty. she wore lots of black eye makeup, eyeliner and mascara,lots of foundation,teased her hair until it was the biggest hair i had ever seen,and she just had to stop and talk to me. my little daughter just kept starring at her,i'm sure she though she was starring because my little one thought she was so beautiful,but i knew what my daughter was thinking. when we started to walk away,my daughter said "mama,was that woman a witch"? i almost peed in my pants and tried not to laugh,but it was just so funny! the lesson behind this story is less is more. if this lady had not worn all this outlandish make up and hair,she really would have been a pretty woman. a wondered if she heard her,but apparentally not,because she still wears all that stuff,to this day and that was about 25 years ago. jav
Why do people, even those without AD, feel it is necessary to comment on those who are fat????? There are people with outrageous hairdos, lousy loose baggy clothes, tattoos everywhere, but they seem to comment on size first and foremost? I have been size 8 through size 22 and everything in between (I keep three sizes of clothes because I am a roller coaster on diets and putting it back on), and would never comment on a person's size.
This is one time, based upon what you are all saying, that I'm relieved that my husband can only say 5 words and "fat" isn't one of them! LOL
LOL Mary! No my husband hasn't ever commented on anyone’s weight either, but then again his first wife was on the heavy side, so maybe he doesn't see that as unattractive. BUT, I was wondering if the AD brings things out that have ALWAYS troubled them, but now they voice it. For Lynn one of the first signs looking back now, was the comments on men with long hair, and women who were "hags" ... Oh Lord look what the cat just dragged in, was a warning sign .. it was time to leave! lol
My wife has the opposite problem. She is always stopping to compliment people, usually other women, on their clothes. This usually leads to a conversation about how and where they got the particular item. When I am trying to get through the supermarket, this can slow us down, but she and the one she is talking to both seem to enjoy it. She also stops to look at and compliment any babies we see. This always makes the mothers very happy.
lol sunshyne. Marsh that is so sweet! Lynn isn't much into babies, but if someone has a pup I know he HAS to go pet it. It is really obvious within mins that he has dementia but I haven't run into one single person who hasn't just smiled and answered the questions again and again. Renews my faith in some aspects of our society.
My husband loves babies. Usually I'm around but yesterday at the Chinese Buffet I turned to see where he was when I was almost out the door. There was a young Down's syndrom child near where we had sat and he was doing the usual baby cooing thing. She loved it, and frankly I think mother and grandfather were a bit shocked since I doubt if most people stop to play with her, but I think they were happy to see her get some good attention.
His instincts are still very good around little kids and he can frequently stop a child's temper tantrum in a store on a dime. So right now, I just stay close but there is no reason to stop him.
My husb also LOVES babies and little ones...And I'm kinda starting to "tune in" as he does. Every "little voice" he hears he just looks in that direction & just awwww's about them. He giggles and laughs at their sweet little voices. It is THE most precious thing. We have no grandchildren, so this is our "fix" I guess. :) When we were @ UT Southwestern in Dallas for some trials, the person interviewing us said that in AD patients, they usually enjoy "little ones" more than other adults along the way. I guess I have really begun to as well :) Even TV Programs or movies where children are present are esp good for my husb. Have you seen the commerical where the little girl & her mom are going through the store trying to find something she likes..."I don't think I like broccoli"..."I don't think I like chicken"...."I don't think I like waffles"...I quote that commercial ALOT around here & it always brings a smile :)
My husband also loves children...always has but seems to pay more attention to them now. Since our own grandchildren are older, we both kinda miss the little ones.
I know the commercial you're talking about, natsmom, it's so cute! The little girl is perfect.
My husband is also taking more and more interest in children, especially little girls, although he never did in the past. I chip right in with the oohing and aahing, and so far, the parents have just beamed with pride.
our grand babies are,grandson 3yrs. and granddaughter 4yrs. my husband just can't wait till they come to visit. he asks several times a day,"when are they coming,i am missing them"? they always cheer him up,but they cheer me up too. there is just something about a childs precious innocence that is so captivating. their little voices,their looks,the things they say and watching them play, when they don't know you are really watching, is just heaven on earth. we both love little ones and our grandchildren are like our own children. jav
My DH just returned from two days in the hospital. What bothered him? All those overweight women! He doesn't want fat people to look after him! Even now that he is home that comes up! Lucky for us, the doctor we use is nice and trim and I'm going to be careful about what I consume!
It does seem that hospitals are populated with XL+ people these days (sez I, who am at least XL) . It's like all the doctors who (used to) smoke! They KNOW better, but they don't follow the guidelines they hand out...
briegull, I suspect every occupation has people of all sizes and we just "notice" it more in fields that tell us we should lose weight. (Just like we would notice the finanacial advisor without money, the car mecanic with the car that makes funny sounds, etc.)
With AD, as we know, any reason is reason enough to be upset or notice something!
My DH is always smiling/asking/ and looking for the 'little girl' that feeds him :) its my grandaughter 6yr old that wants to be a dr who helps' old people'...awww when she comes she likes to 'feed' DH his food and she is so good at it. he looks so content with her attentions. its very special since he never liked kids and could takem or leavem...divvi-must be something about the sixth sense and innocence of a child.
divvi, that is so sweet. how precious for your little granddaughter to help and love him like that. you know how a baby will watch another baby? and children are naturally drawn to one another? i think is is kind of like that with ad patients and children. they just love that wide eyed innocence. my little 4 yr old granddaughter gets so concerned over her papa,when he is having a bad day. one day she went to her room and picked out a little doll and told me to take it home so papa could sleep with it. that was so sweet,it caused a lump in my throat and brought tears to my eyes. i don't know what we would do without our babies. they have been a lifesaver for me. jav