I have had to restrict overnight visitors as my DH just finds it to stressful and ends up with bad dreams and some behaviour problems. He feels he has to entertain them and is unable to do so. His Neuro-Phycologist has told us that the stress and frustration causes some type of brain deterioration and then this causes the disease to progress faster. I have tried to make visiting as open as possible but not anymore. I expect a backlash from this decision but his well being is top priority for me and three of our five kids. The other two will just have to comply. This is just so heartbreaking, I had hoped for family togetherness on this but I guess I was dreaming. To me his care is the most important thing and if the family has to adjust their lives a bit, then to bad. What harm is there in taking a motel room for a night to just give him a little happiness. Why cause us the stress we don't need. It's not as if they can't afford it as they sure can. I'm told that I have to be more firm and learn to say NO!! I wish! I wish! Oh well, not point in trying to wish this away, is there?
Two or three years ago a friend stayed at our home for a few days. My friend was very considerate, bought us a dinner and adapted to our hours. He even had his own bathroom. But just having someone else at home overnight was too much stress for L and we have never had an overnight guest since.
Just say no, it is too much for your husband. Don't explain beyond that. Say we are happy to see them but staying overnight is too much. And don't expect them to understand. Is the problems mostly with two of the kids or other family members?
Jazzy: There are some situations where you, and only you, have to make a decision. This might well be one of those times. I always consulted with my children and often my DW's wifes drs, but the final word was mine. We don't have any other choice in the matter unless we turn our lives (and that of our loved one) over to others.
Jazzy- You are doing the right thing. There can be family togetherness without someone being in your house 24/7. The primary goal is your husband's comfort and your comfort as well.
Would you be comfortable saying a little more about the family members? You have already mentioned that the cost of accommodations is not an issue. When they want to visit is it for a long period of time? Do they bring children with them? Perhaps an extended hotel like Homewood Suites would be an alternative?
I never enjoyed being a guest or having guests, well, only once, because they had a guest cottage. I never could get how anyone would even be comfortable staying somewhere where they were not welcome for whatever reason, and you have the best of reasons!
I caught your post on the JudyTBT thread (and I wonder what she ended up doing?)
So, I then saw your post here.
I can't think of any reason, as you said, that he should not stay in a motel. Yes, he should be the one to accommodate. And take you and your DH out to a nice brunch too.
You are doing the right thing..my brother in law has come up often to help me with some chores and with errands with DH like taking him to the doctor etc. But I too am noticing that his over night stays now, especially as he now has a girlfriend here now ( he has been a widower for many years losing his wife at age 38 to cancer and he is now a grandpa so he is not a kid) anyway his new dating practice along with trying to visit us and staying with us is starting to be wearing on both of us. DH gets confused and I get tired from it all. His girl friend is of the prim and proper sort so.....but we shall see how this works out. I may have to tell him to stay with her and just drop in for a visit or if he is coming to see us then see us and forgo her...
I had put off making this decision for sometime but the stress of another week end visit was just to much. I was concerned that DH would be upset by my actions , but he is quite happy that no one will be staying overnight now. To much he says and he feels he has to entertain them while they are here so his schedule goes all out the window. I feel so much better now and I know it is the best for both of us. I just wish other could understand all the small little things that cause so much upset and stress for both DH and for me. This is such a lonesome job and it would be nice to just have a short visit more often. Thanks for all your support. It is so nice to have others tell me I have done the right thing. I am so happy I found you.