Several months ago I was invited on a 17 day trip. My husband encouraged me to accept the invitation. MEanwhile he has been diagnosed with MCI. Suddenly today he told me I could not go and that his memory has deteriorated. I don't know what to do
Tough spot to be in. When do you leave? Is there someone that can stay with him or he stay with? Or someone that can check in on him like bring meals,etc.?
When their memories starts to go we become their security. He is probably insecure/confused about the future which being left alone can be scary.
I’d do everything possible to make the trip, since it could be your last for some time. (My husband gets touchy if I go to the store without him, there’s no way I could go away for days.) That’s assuming he is not at the stage where he could be a danger to himself or others. As Charlotte said, find help to check on him, or arrange for him to stay with someone, etc. Make lists for him and build up his confidence that he can do this. Maybe he’s also concerned about what you’ll be doing without him; perhaps you could give him an itinerary so he’ll know where you are and what you are doing each day.
It all depends on your attitude and the relationship you have with your husband. If you are going to worry about him constantly, the trip might not be worth it. If you can put safeguards in place that will ensure he's safe and you can relax, then it's probably a good idea. When my husband was dx with MCI and then progressed into early stage AD, we still took lots of trips together, including two Mediterranean cruises. While they weren't real vacations for me, in retrospect, I'm so glad it was possible for him to do these wonderful trips before the window of opportunity closed. For several years now, I've hired a geriatric care manager to be on call when I travel. Although he now lives in an ALF, there's always the possibility of an ER visit, etc. happening. So hiring the care manager gives me peace of mind.
Bless your heart. This is one of those (many) times when you (and only you) have a terribly difficult decision to make. There is no divine guidance and lightning won't flash so you will know what to do. So, consult with your dr's, trusted friends and family and then do what you think is best. Your decision won't come with any guarantees that something won't go wrong, but, it is the best decision you can make at the time and under the circumstances. And don't look back. No regrets. The best you can do at the time is the best you can do.
Where does one find a geriatric care mgr? How do you pay them; how often do they interact with you and Dh? Did you spend some time for him/her to get to know Dh, do they need to bond like caregivers? I really like the idea of having someone responsible in charge in my absence, that would make traveling far more relaxing and enjoyable.
mothert--contact your local Alzheimer's Association chapter--they should be able to give you a list. The one I use charges on an hourly basis--many LTC policies cover their cost, up to a specific limit. Otherwise, it's out of pocket.
The one I use goes to the ALF and does a review of Steve's medical records and observes him (if she hasn't already done this in the last 6 mos.). After that, she calls them to check in while I'm gone. The main thing is, if there's an emergency and he has to be sent to the ER, she or one of her associates would accompany him (otherwise, he'd be sent BY HIMSELF). So far, no emergencies have arisen while I've been gone, so the cost has been minimal.
In my experience, asking the local Alzheimer's Association list is the same as looking it up in the phone book. That's all they do, and then they mail me a xerox of the page.
mother: I used a national (Visiting Angels) organization for this and was very disappointed. And they are very expensive also. If I were you, I would do a temporary placement in a licensed facility where they have trained employees and know how to handle everything from ER visits to daily routines. There are several in my area that will help from a day to a week or more. Of course, they are going to charge you, but, they are insured and inspected, etc. In my opinion, they are worth it.
Janet, my experience with our local Alzheimer's Association was like yours. I received absolutely no help from them and was left to flounder on my own until I found Joan's site about 13 months before Claude passed on. Another gal from this area who used to post here said the same thing.
I have started making arrangements with a geriatric care manager for when I go away in August. She is a social worker by training and a licensed therapist and she bills Medicare, so I should only have to pay her travel time and mileage plus a $10 fee for home visits (and for phone calls--she can only bill when she sees the person or caregiver in person). I don't know what I will use her for besides to go to the hospital if my husband or his aunt have to be hospitalized; she and I will meet in July to figure more out. She did an assessment of how his aunt was doing at her nursing home and made some useful suggestions.
Anyone interested in or facing this situation: Please provide your temporary caregiver, whoever it is, with a temporary medical power of attorney and if necessary, a do not resuscitate document. Hopefully, they will not need them, but, if they do????