I invite you to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read today's blog. I'm wondering if any of you can relate to it, and what suggestions you have to help the situation.
I definitely relate to what you had to say. It seems as if I think about nothing but Alzheimer's . I do keep up with the news, and I read a lot. But it's alway with only half my mind. The rest of my concentration is focused on Alzheimer's. So because I don't really thoroughly concentrate on anything other than alzheimer's, in spite of my best intentions, I can't bring the interesting things I read about the the forefront of my mine enough to carry on a conversation.
Jeff has been in an ALF for 14 months now. It took a while, but as my social world has expanded, slowly, I am finding that I am learning to have things to say again. I warned my guy friend, with whom I hang out quite a bit, that I had forgotten how to talk. That it might take a while, after years as the caregiver of someone who could not converse, for me to begin spontaneously making observations and saying things again. And by golly, I have improved. I'm heading back toward normal.
Joan I tried the bingo thing and no one talks during the games and at break they are up to either go the bathroom, out for a smoke or to get snacks then it is back to the games then out the door and off home. No talking!!! I have been unable to find a group in my area, small town, that are willing to put up with my maybe having to cancel at the last minute or not go because of a set caregiver schedule that does not co-inside with their activities. This is a lonely life without my non DH pal. I'm hoping to be able to find something in the fall when everything starts up again.
Ditto on the non=conversation. Work gave me that bit of normalcy I needed but now that I am not working, it is sitting in silence with the TV going and me at the computer. We have tried talking to some in the park since this RV park is full of long term people. Unfortunately the majority we have met so far us profanity and I can not stand that.
Joan, I experienced the same thing when my husband was living at home. Bottom line is, if you have no life of your own, you don't have much to talk about. None of my friends were dealing with AD in their lives, so I tried to keep the "AD talk" to a minimum with them. Like Emily, since I moved Steve to the ALF almost 2 years ago, my life has taken a sharp turn towards normalcy. When I meet new people and they find out I'm retired, they inevitably ask what I do with myself. I answer by telling them what's going on in my life, including Steve, but now I also have other things to add.
Joan, I so know your feelings. You do just become the anonymous caregiver of Mr. So in So. Obsessed with Alz. It's so hard to find yourself. My husband is gone 1 year this month, I still haven't found normal.
Joan- I so know what you mean as well. I went to a womens social event one evening recently at my church, while my daughter came over and stayed with DH. I realized quickly that I had nothing of relevance to add to any conversation, and to be honest nothing they were talking about had any relevance in my life either. :( But I did do something for my self recently, I signed up for a photography boot camp in September. I have never done anything like that before. But photography has become my outlet to lose myself in so I figured it was time to do something just for me. It is a Friday night, Sat and part of Sunday at a local hotel, not overnight though but still it should be fun. :)
Over the years my house became more and more silent. I am convinced that everywhere on the planet NCIS or CSI is on some station or another and it seemed that my husband found all of them, over and over again, increasingly on mute. I had to disconnect the doorbell and put the phones on flash because he hated to hear them. He complained about me talking too much.
I love to sing. I'm not belting out show tunes but I like to sing for my own comfort. So to beat being sentenced to silence I started taking singing lessons. The combination of the controlled breathing and literally finding my voice for that time was wonderful.
Oh Joan, I can relate so well to what you're saying in this blog. I don't get out much anymore, as a matter of fact just doctor appts, hair salon, shopping ( when I'm able); you know what I mean. I find when I'm in a group lately, even with family, I get sort of tongue-tied and can't even seem to get my idea across. I am so out of practice in speaking, much of the time it's simply answering my husband's daily questions about his past life; it isn't even about OUR life because he doesn't seem too remember any of that.
I want so much to do what you say you want to do: go to museums, art shows, lit clubs, places I can go to discuss what interests ME once in a while. I useD to have so much to say. I feel so out of practice. I love my husband dearly, but what I get every day is: are we going anywhere today? And when I say "no," he says "good!"
So, now, I'll go and do some laundry. Maybe I'll find some time to do a little reading before the questions begin....