Regarding driving. A couple years before my DH was Dxed, a longtime friend was dxed. His wife was in and out of denial. She let him drive as he "seemed" "OK" from time to time. In Detroit, he was driving home from church, ran a red light and she died at the scene. He has minor injuries. He died of heart problems 2 years later when my DH was dxed. So I quietly just got headed for the drivers side of the vehicle He never questioned my doing all the driving. I too miss him even tho he is right in front of me. Its been lonely without him to laugh with or at and vice versa. PS: I drive the lawn mower now and hate it. My SIL does it when he is here. We live in rural spot in Northern Michigan. Every morning now in summer, I go out with the dog and sit on the deck for a few quiet minutes. He loved hunting and fishing. He does recognize deer and points to them, when they are on the property. There is a doe with 2 fawns that has been around the last couple weeks. A racoon walked across our driveway last week, but he didn't know what it was. That hurt..
Last night we went to dinner at long time friend's home. Three couples that have known each other nearly literally forever. G didn't really enter into any conversation, but sat nicely and listened. When in the kitchen chatting with his old friend (they even went to grade school together) I suddenly teared up after commenting on how nice it was to have a real conversation (I NEVER cry)..he just hugged me and said not to worry, that he was here for the duration. He takes G golfing every week as much to relieve me as for G, I think. Just a small thing like that makes my week. We were always the "movers and shakers" and party central..now I'm happy to get any invitation, but am fortunate for old friends that stick with you.
Tomorrow is our 23rd wedding anniversary. No one mentions to me anymore since hubby's diagnosis. Its going to be a hard day. He is so lost and is able to recognize me some of the time as his wife but mostly as a very nice lady who takes care of him. He knows my name but not our relationship these days. He knows of a relationship, but not the one I ache for him to. So many people have faded from our lives (the fair weather friends) and his family turned away a long time ago. Pray for me tomorrow as it will be a day I miss my friend, my husband and deal with this lost little boy. I know I will make it through but I wish I didn't have to. We had a very rough beginning, a better middle and we are coming to a painful end. We survived an affair, hurricanes ,but I don't think we are going to beat this.
magnoliarose-I felt the same way in March when "we" had our 49th anniversary. I am already dreading next year which will make 50. My heart aches for all of us.
It was my dream to make it to 25 years and have that big party that we have given for so many couples. I don't even know if we have tomorrow to say 23, but I miss that landmark, especially with our age difference.
Our anniversary was July 29. 19 yrs. I too dreamed of having that landmark 25th. We have 24 years between us so I knew a 50th wasn't possible. As our anniversary was approaching I had some blue moments about it....the fact he wouldn't know, and therefore it just didn't have any of the meaning it once had. I have for the past 3 years just let it go without saying anything at all. It's just easier that way.
I broke a bone in my left foot (an avulsion fracture), as well as badly twisted and sprained the ankle on August 5th. I'm healing, and I'm able to bear weight on it. I guess to DH, as long as I'm up and about, or not crying out in pain, he doesn't think anything is wrong. He can't feel for me anymore. Asked me just hours after my ER trip if I went to the hospital (he was with us). Asks me how did I hurt myself (he was there). Then he wants to know if I'll get him something to eat. I've been out doing the weed whacking the last 3 days. Not all day, and keeping an ice pack wrapped inside the ace wrap. He stops outside from time to time to remark that I do good work, and to tell me he can't do that stuff because one wrong move on his knee and he'll be in trouble. He'll be hurting. Meanwhile, I'm limping around. I come in, clean up, make dinner, and limp, limp, limp. And he'll say "how is your leg doing?" Well....... at least I get a question. <sigh>
This is a man who would not let me lift a finger in the days when I was sick, injured, had just given birth, or was sad or stressed. Where did that man go? I say that all the time. This once caring man has lost so much of himself, and I have lost what he had. Our relationship leaves a really big void in my life.
We also have the fair weather type friends. I truly believe they just want to avoid the issue..or "it could be me next". We have always had hard core people for friends, so when we see the avoidance happening, it hurts so much. The nasty side of me whispers.."your turn next!"
This has been such a roller coaster week..from totally awful to not too bad, but I get a bite in the rear every time I think that. Doc appt. in the morning...thinking about changing our neuro as he seems to have dropped the ball on us...the regular Doc will refer us, I'm fairly sure.
Quiet time for now..hate to think when that will change, but from all the comments here, I'm sure it will in the future. Bailee, our chewing machine pup, is even settled for the night. Enjoy the peace, I guess.
A personal loss? Where do I begin? I found an interesting little article in the Sunday paper. DH was sitting there and I asked him if he'd read it. He said "no, what does it say?" So, I started to read it to him. I glanced up and he was looking into the kitchen where it was dark. I asked if he wanted to hear it. He said he did so I started over and encountered the same thing. He was gawking all over the place. So, I asked him what he thought about that. He said "about what?" About the article I just read you" His response? "Oh, were you reading to me?" I could scream. Who else would I be reading to. There's no one else here. It is so lonely sometimes and I just groan to have an adult conversation. I suppose that 's one reason I'm so chatty on this stie. Thanks for listening!
Mawzy, that is exactly why I'm so chatty on this site and on every other site I've been on for the last 15 years. First I got sick and partially disabled and with the kind of job I had adult conversation was not part of my lifestyle. Too tired and sick to go anywhere at night. Etc., etc. So I discovered the pre-Internet online world because that was where I could go to "talk" to people.
Still doing it.
For me one of the hard parts of this disease at its current stage is remembering not to tell him anything too soon. Preparing him for what is going to happen next used to be the right way to go about things. It is now absolutely the wrong way. And if something goes wrong, like it did today with his blood test, he can't handle it even if it is easy to fix. And EVERYTHING has to be done right now, even when right now is not the right time to do it.
Dear Starling--Thanks for the note. It just feel so good to talk to an adult. I can't seem to get to sleep. Once I am asleep, I do well but by then, it's almost time to get up. I feel like I'm half asleep most of the time. DH is still very ambulatory but I'm noticing that he just sort of wanders around the house. He keeps his hands folded just about waist high and he just hovers over me. I don't even worry about him reading what I'm typing because I'm not sure he even comprehends what he reads any more. He buys the Sunday paper but he's finished it in less than 30 minutes. Me? Takes me half a day. I've been accused of reading the sots off the paper. I'm whining. I'll quit. Thanks for listening.
My husband buys 5 papers every day in addition to the local one that gets delivered. Does he actually real any of it other than looking at the pictures and turning the pages? I don't have a clue. I type here on this forum all the time. He never pays attention to any of it.
He watches TV and "reads" newspapers all day long. And pulls weeds. He is killing those plants with kindness, overwatering the house plants and trying to overfeed the birds. The birds are not cooperating, and for some reason the house plants look sick but aren't dying.
He is still taking that long walk every morning unless it is raining, so he isn't pacing all that much. He really shouldn't be taking that walk because the rest of his "stats" say that he shouldn't be able to do that, but there really is no way to stop him and it doesn't count as wandering. He comes home from that walk every day on his own. It seems to be the one thing he really can do.
Mawzy, you are not whining. Or if you are both of us are. <grin> Venting is good. It is actually helpful. And all of us need to be allowed to do at least some of it some of the time.
Starling, Can I tell you the latest thing? We have a nest of yellow jackets move into a storage shed. I went to get a can of paint yesterday and got stung 3x before I got away from there. I told my grandsons not to go out there and also DH. The kids have not gone near there. They are keeping their little dog away from there. Would you believe that DH can't stay away? He's been stung at least 5x. The last one he took the garden hose and was going to scare the yellow jackets away. He got stung on the bridge of his nose. That's going to swell and it's going to be painful and itchy. He cant understand why they moved in there. I keep telling him that the insects have their own ways and they don't mean it to be personal. Fortunately, the grandsons have been told what's wrong with Grandpa and to just answer his questions and not bother him. Great kids.
Right now, our son has taken him to the DMV so he can turn in his driver's license. They've been gone about 45 minutes. Sure do hope there's no trouble.
Mawzy, I have begun to think you must have a black cat, walk under ladders, step on cracks, and break mirrors! You have had so much hit you lately! Maybe after this, everything will go smoothly (as smoothly as it can with someone whose spouse has AD) for a while so you can recover from all the smaller problems! I have been reading without commenting of your comments to various discussions, and just had to let you know that I'm listening! You have my sympathy!
I wrote on the driving issue site. He just walked in with his letter and handed it to the clerk along with his license. She took his picture and $20 and gave him a temporary ID card. The permanent one will come within a month. Let's just hope he doesn't decide to go someplace anyway before I get the cars sold.
I just read your post there, and my jaw hit the computer keyboard. That's great ... keeping fingers and toes crossed for you, so the other shoe won't drop!
I just found this web site and Wow, was it needed. My husband of 60 was just diagnosed 6 months ago and my children refuse to see it. It is so comforting to know someone out there understands...I love flowers and my husband no longer does any yard work. I finally bought a bag of wildflower seeds and spread them everywhere. I have been doing this for 4 years and they are magnificent. The flowers change through out the summer and are always beautiful...and they do not require much of any work. I too miss my husband who has always been my best friend. It is so hard to see the changes. He did have a moment not long ago where he told me he was worried about me and all that I will go through with his disease. He told me he loved me...I hang on to that moment everyday. He told me his biggest fear of AD was that people would not remember who he was but would only remember what the disease does to him..He does not remember that conversation now but I will never forget it...You are all awesome, better than any therapist.....Sandy
Welcome to my website. Please take some time to become acquainted with all of the informative resources on the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com. Scroll through the "previous blog" section for topics that you can relate to. I am sure there will be many.
We are all traveling the same path at different rates, and we are all on different stops along the way. We help each other with hugs, support, validation of our feelings, and lots of information and experience.
Welcome, Sandy D. I've learned more from this site than any book or information materials I've ever read. I'm still taking deep breaths after reading about slinging buggers but we have to have a laugh once in a while. If this happens to us, we'll know it's just another symptom. Yuck!
Me too! Did you just "toss 'em" literally? And if so, in an area with the soil kind of prepped first? I threw some and nothing happened here. Someone told me our ground is to hard, so they woulda just sat on the surface and got picked up by a bird. At Petco I bought a certain brand of dog food and as a gift they gave these biodegradable cards with seeds imbedded in the paper. Haven't planted 'em yet.
Welcome Sandy D-If you have been reading you know what a valuable site this is for AD spouses. lots of info here and none so shy as to say it like it is:) its refreshing to get honest practical answers and see how others cope with the same issues -glad you found the rest of us, divvi
Hi Sandy D and welcome from me to. I have tried the wild flower thing for years, and haven't gotten one bloom! Me thinks the birds are faster than germination. I, too, would like to know if you have any special tricks that make yours bloom.
I just stumbled upon this site, and it has been my lifeline ever since.
On another note, i just received info from OHSU (our school on pill hill here) about joining a dementia caregiver's meditation study. There are three different groups..one meditation, one educational, and the third respite. They provide home care if needed for the time there. I can't join it as we will be gone for a major part of it, but apparently it will be an ongoing study. How interesting is that? Some one is actually caring about what happens to CG and doing this! I hope I can join a later one.
Welcome Sandy! This is a great place, lot's of support & if you have read many post no one judges. I know it has been a godsend to me. You will notice many different age groups here. My husband is 57 years old.
Thank you, each and every one for the warm welcome. Today is one of the first days I have had where I feel there is hope in getting through this journey. The wildflowers do not need any particular preparation but they do need to be tossed out there in late winter, ideally if there is still snow, just before it is gone, and yes, you simply toss them out much like you were tossing bird seed. Then add water and wait. I live in Oregon and toss them late february or early march and by July have beautiful flowers and they change as the different ones come out. It is great because they are there until the first frost. I do not weed them but only the rare tall weed but the flowers are so thick they do not allow the weeds to take hold. What a great site this is....I can sense the compassion and understanding (and the group Hugs) that are coming and they are genuine. What a breath of fresh air.
Dear Sandy D--I'm going to definitely try those wild flowers next March. I live in the Puget Sound area and our weather is a bit cooler than yours. I've got just the spot. I'm glad you are here. You may find yourself reading and writing on this site in the middle of the night. It really helps when you can't sleep. And on the left side there's that spot where you can start your own discussion. Just ask whatever you want. Someone will probably have a reply and if not, can tell you where to get the answer. This really is a comforting place to be.
Who would know story time...I missed a "maintenance" appointment yesterday..very embarrasing for me a I'm a nitpicker type..G loved it! He commented that this was the second one I have missed in the last couple of months...this from the guy that can't recall what we discussed an hour ago! Go figure! One never knows what exactly is going to happen..except that if you get too comfy S#@*t will surely happen.
My DH has had to be hospitalized twice in the last month and my stress has been through the roof. I have forgotten so many things that he made the comment that he thinks we had the evaluation on the wrong person. I told him, the difference was at least I remembered that I forgot...He just laughed and told me at least he had an excuse.
Have a good weekend, all. I'll be going to a saxaphone concert on 'Sunday--our grandson will be performing. He's a wonderful kid and, naturally, very talented. (smile--no shame)
Mawzy Did you get rid of the yellowjackete? If so, how, for future reference? We had a nest in the ground beside the outside water faucet and my son poured diesel fuel on them at night, but you can't do that in a building.
Welcome Sandy, glad you found us. I was so stressed when I found this place I can't even remember how I found it. But, I haven't missed a day getting my "fix" since then if I am home.
Yes, indeed. The yellow jackets are GONE!! and not a minute too soon. Went to the hardward store and bought an aerosole can (it's red and yellow) that says kills yellow jackets. I waited until after dusk but not quite dark. They go inside at dark you know. Then I put on long sleeves and pants, gloves, a scarf around my head and face. Shook up that can--stood back about 3-4 feet and sprayed that thick foam all over the place! I was just incensed. I used the whole can. And, there's not one of those nasty critters left.
The trick is waiting until it's almost dark--if you go out there when it's still daylight, they will attack. I didn't get bit one time. And, that's the end of my story and I thank you all for listening (reading). (big happy smile)
Bluedaze--you wouldn't have wanted your children to have seen me. They would have probably been terrorized! My neighbor threatened to take a photo of my and I pointed the can at him. (after it was empty, of course.) He really backpedaled and he's a young guy, too. I laughed and told him he was a chicken.
This afternoon I have been cleaning house etc and have been just busy as a bee when i realized all afternoon i have been humming the 'Yesterday' song by the Beatles. I know the humming part but didnt really know all the words, or so i thought. so i thought that rather odd so i googled the words, i was in awe of how the mind works..spontaneous and without forethought, think about it' "yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away, now it looks as though they're here to stay oh i believe in yesterday, suddenly i'm not half the man i used to be, theres a shadow hanging over me...."
it hit me like a brick, subconscous words, reflecting my own life..yesterday today, tomorrow. soo sad.. its like this for me, i go for weeks/ months then lose it and boohoo for hrs.. divvi
A friend of mine sent me the CD Beatles LOVE. It is great. I see the connection in Yesterday. I hope you can cheer up. Try a different song. I wish I could boohoo. Just feel like if I start, I might not stop. Sometimes I ask why? But according to my belief system, there is a lesson in everything. I have to hang on to to that.
awww divvi, its ok to let go .. we all need to from time to time.Got me all teary eyed just reading your post. Yesterday........ I would give anything to have him back. Who wouldn't mourn this loss. *sigh.