I just found an article on male caregivers and their special needs. One strong suggestion is a men-only support group. I have joined one and find it very helpful. The link to the article is: //articles.sun-sentinal.com/2013-o5-02/health/fl-male-caregivers-increase-20130501_1_caregiver-support-delray-beach-support-group/2. This is as far as I can get my computer to go with the address, but I know there is more. Maybe someone else can find the rest of it.
I think that is a great idea! The men in our group are offered cooking lessons at the college in our city and they think that is great as most of them have never cooked a meal in their lives. It is really something to hear them sharing recipes and adds a lightness to our get togethers and we sure need some fun.
NP Marsh, just Google: "Sun Sentinel male caregivers" and the article will appear
Jazzy your post got a smile. After 53 years of marriage I've cooked 99.9 percent of our meals, I love to cook and its always been my R&R.. My high school experience has served me well as a caregiver, I went to military school where i learned all too young the fine arts of doing laundry, folding clothing precisely, ironing, bed making etc. Dw was Dx'd in 07: cognition, communications skills, receptive and expressive, about nil. One the positive side she's always smiling, never aggressive. DW normally ambulates very slowly except when her Lorazepam doesn't slow her sun downing non stop rummaging and when she wanders and then she moves like a road runner. A tip caring for a wanderer:, Take a photo with your cell phone each time you go out. If you've ever experienced the terror of having your LO wander off in a store the photo is invaluable when your panicked mind is trying to answer what was she wearing what does she look like. In light of all the recent sadness on this forum. All is not glum, We enjoyed a wonderful afternoon dangling off our noodles in the warm Florida ocean . Take a good day and say? thank you!!!!
Your so refreshing. I too got a giggle out of your posting. You sound like you are handling this disease progress admirably. So many men have no idea how to take care of a home and it must be just terrible to have to take over all these jobs as well as care for their LO. It is heartbreaking to have to live this life and watch our LO's go through so much.
Years ago as a volunteer activity, my DH taught cooking to men whose wives were suffering from dementia - it was part of a day program at a community center. My husband loved to cook, (he prepared most of our meals when I was still working outside the home) and he was pleased to be able to share his knowledge with men who did not know their way around a kitchen. Sadly, now he suffers from AD, and has difficulty following a recipe, or working with the timer and temperature settings on the stove. His reluctance to cook a meal was one of the first signs, to me, of his dementia. Now I do all the cooking.
I know many couples where the husband cooks and he wife "cleans up" but I am sure that if you've never cooked and been responsible for meals and meal planning it can definitely be a daunting task at first. My motto to all (both men and women) is "If you can read, you can cook". Served me well over all these years.
Friends are just bringing DW in from her tri weekly attempt at water aerobics in the pool A group of residents conduct the class and care for DW during the 45 mins like she's one of their own children. She can't do the exercises but laughs a lot trying to imitate the other ladies and it's a wonderful change of "scenery" for her..
LFL I agree that "if you can read, you can cook". When I had to take over the cooking I barely knew my way around the kitchen. A new magazine came out about then called "Cooking for Two". I started reading it and found several recipes in each issue that I wanted to try. I figured that, as a chemistry major in college, I could follow the instructions. The biggest problem is that now everything I cook, as my mother would say, "has been done to". I can't do the simple, everyday meals. When we moved to the retirement Inn and I didn't need to cook anymore, the magazine stopped publication.
Claude was a cook in the Army for 15 years and then cooked in a hospital for 40 years and was an excellent cook. He loved to bake so the last three or so years he worked, he did all the baking for the hospital. On his days off or when he worked the early shift, he would have supper waiting when I got home.
Marty, some of my best couple friends have the same social contract and it works well for them. I always worry about the non-cooking spouse (no matter the gender) because cooking is a skill (even the basics) that is necessary. One of my female friends whose husband cooks says take out will become her best friend should she lose her beloved husband and cook. Yes, paper plates and non-breakables are necessary in our lives now. Can't wait to try the Bang Bang shrimp-sounds delicious!
Marsh, of course a chemistry major would have no problem cooking- I am so glad you mastered the challenge and that everything you cook "has been done to". You might not need to cook anymore but I know how special a meal you created would be!
BTW, DH learned to cook with me because we did a lot of entertaining when we were first married. He would be mortified that I would try a brand new recipe when we were having a dinner party for 12. He'd say "How do you know it will turn out right?". My answer was always "I've never made it before so I don't know how it will taste but everytime I cook it again will be measured by how it tasted the first time." That seemed to put him at ease. He always has been and still is my "sous" chef...whenever anyone is cooking he wants to be involved, prepare veggies, etc. I find that even though he's given up his beloved golf, he still wants to participate in making a meal. My loving gift to him.
That's what I do! I can turn bread into ROCKS!!!!! No really. They're so hard even the squirrels throw them back.
I've done all the cooking since 2004 when my wife still worked two more years. I never follow a recipe except with rice. I'll put up a picture I took of my shrimp salmon alfredo which takes 15 minutes from turning the stove on to putting it on the plate. I've also bought all the groceries since then. The hard part was learning how to do laundry and the hardest part is learning to clean things. It's embarrasing when the dust bunnies race to get out if I open the door. Even my christmas tree (yup it's still up) is complaining "Hey buddy can you spare a bulb?" Sure, just look under the furniture. Darn cats.
When visitors remark about the deteriorated state of affairs I just answer "you should see it from in here". Cooking for two was fun. Cooking for one is a different animal most of the time.
I know I'm not one of the guys, but just had to comment. My kitchen has always had enough food to feed an army for a week, if one should drop by during a blizzard (and yes, that includes wine and other liquor). I've never prepared meals for just me. I just grazed or ate junk food in front of the TV. Once my DH is in placement, I'm going to try to eat everything in the pantry and freezer before I buy more food. I may even try some of the recipes I've been collecting since the 70's. Of course, I'll have to keep an eye on expiration dates. I just threw out a few canned goods that had expired in 2008!!
Lori, just this past week my DH has gotten really picky about what he thinks he wants to eat - but peanut butter sandwiches have always been a hit. Good grief, tonight I caught him putting a stick of frozen butter in a bowl to eat (i guess he thought it was ice cream).