Jim, I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours. Try to remember to take care of yourself as well as you have taken care of Kathryn all these years.
I am so sorry for your loss, and for all that you and Kathryn have been through. You have been a wonderful husband and caregiver, and did the very best for her. I am sure she knew that. Take comfort in the good memories before AD.
Jim, you were her "Anchor" and her rock. You had wonderful times together that you can bring out and remember with joy. Right now, you are starting the emotional roller coaster ride. May you find continued strength for the days ahead. My heart goes out to you.
Dear Jim, - I can echo the words before me. I know the feeling of a brick in the stomach., a dazed awareness of all that is going on around you and going through the necessary steps that must be done so quickly. You'll make it through... and somehow, you'll come out on the other side. Our love and support is with you... shadowing you.. like imaginary friends of our childhood. Always there, but this time, .. we are real! God be with you.
I have been following your journey via this blog. You have my heartfelt condolences - as others have said, you have been a warrior. A kind, loving warrior....
Jim my thoughts & prayers are with you at this sad time. As everyone else has said, now she is free. She is an Angel watching over you as you watched over her & took care of her. Peace be with you.
I went to the store today and as I walked by the banana's I could see Kathryn reaching out and grabbing a bunch as I wheeled her past. It seems like every where I went today and everything I saw I could feel Kathryn there. I don't know what to do with myself. It should not be like this. I knew what would happen in the end but I just never really believed that day would get here. Every time I do something all I can think about is that Kathryn will never enjoy that again. Everything I do I will have to do without her beside me. I hear people talk about starting over but I don't want to start over. I want Kathryn back. She enjoyed life so much.
All of us who have lost a parent or sibling and certainly those, like you, who have earned their * understand that feeling of seeing things that our LO would love, or seeing something they would like, or find they have the impulse to pick up the phone and call....and then that lonely reality sets in again.
I am so sorry you have lost your lovely Kathryn. I can only imagine how hard this is for you now. I hope you have family with you for support and good friends too. WE are here for you too. I wish there was something we could do to lift your pain...
Jim--someone else here recently wrote "Grief is a reminder that you have lived, loved and have been loved in return." I liked it so much I copied it onto a little sign for my home office desk. Hoping that you can grieve and ultimately understand what a gift the love you and Kathryn shared was--and that you can focus on that more than the loss.
My sympathy goes out to you and your family. She will definitely be missed but knowing she is free of this disease will at some point in the future make it easier to bear the loss. Take whatever time you need to mourn and to deal with the loss. But remember YOU still are here and it is not you fault that she was stricken. My prayers go out for you and your family. May God bless you.
Jim, you will always think of Kathryn... I recall several months after my DH passed away, I was in a Dillard store. They had a table with beautiful golf shirts folded .. and they all had "pockets". My husband would only wear shirts with pockets (for his pen). I found myself sorting through them, and suddenly remembered.... he doesn't need anymore of these. I am sure all of us have done that. Time is the healer., not that that makes any sense to you now. Just mark your calendar at the six month spot, and you'll see that you are beginning to see a little light at the end of your tunnel of grief. Can't help but wonder why those of us who loved so deeply have to be separated from one another. Only HE knows.
just signed in her Jim to read her journey has ended. From all your post full of so much love and devotion I thought you had been married a long time. Sounds like you two did not waste one minute you had together. That kind of love is so special =- happy you got to experience it.
Jim, Just a short note to let you know that I will continue to pray for you. You and your lovely Kathryn shared wonderful memories and you are blessed to have had her as your wife....as she with you. Please take care and stay in touch! ((hugs and prayers))
I am so sorry for your loss. I have read your comments on this site. I can only hope to be as good a caregiver as you. You have been an inspiration to all of us.
Jim, I don't know if that feeling will ever go. I live in the same apartment that Gord and I came to on our wedding night 48 years ago. Everywhere I walk, everywhere I shop, I see Gord at various stages of our life. Maybe at some point, it becomes comforting.
Jim, I hope there will come a time that when you walk past those bananas, you will smile at the memory of Kathryn. After the shock and the pain, I pray there will come a time that when you go where you went with her, it will feel good. You did well. You were good and faithful. You taught a lesson of real love to those around you and us. And she is in a better place. {{{Hugs}}}
Hi Mary, some good memories are starting to pop up now. The memories that are the most overpowering are the ones from the last 6 months of his life. I can see him standing in that place I took him for respite. We thought it best if I said I was just going downstairs to sign some papers and would be back. I didn't even hug him goodbye. That memory haunts me. If only I hadn't wanted time for myself.
Jang: Please don't do that to yourself. I know it is hard not to, but, the more I think about those times, the more of them that come up for me to think about. Remember that we did the best we could with the information we had at the time and that is all that is expected of us. No regrets.
Jang: The time you wanted for yourself was probably NEEDED for you to continue on caring for your spouse. I too took two weeks several months before my dh passed. If I look back I too think I maybe shouldn't have done that....then I think...Noooo...I needed that time to face the ending months and I was so glad I did when I also remember how stressful the last month was. Never feel like you didn't do your best...we all know you did and deep down you probably know you did too. All caregiving is so hard physically and mentally.
I'm sorry it has been so long. I just am really having a lot of trouble with this. I don't feel like Kathryn is gone. I have not grieved or really cry other than just a few tears. I keep waiting for it to hit and it hasn't. Is that normal?
JimB
PS, if you would like to read Kathryn's obit here is the web address: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/timesunion/obituary.aspx?page=lifestory&pid=164650534#fbLoggedOut
Thank you for sharing that with us Jim. PLEASE anyone looking for this, delete the part at the end that says LoggedOut or you will not get to it.
Lovely writing and history of Kathryn, and most of it was about all the good times that you and her had.
Jim, remember, it is ok to be numb, of course it is normal. Maybe, after the service you will be able to grieve some. It takes time, just put one day in front of you at a time.
It was that way for me, Jim. It seemed I was in shock, which gradually disappeared, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. It runs its own course at its own pace.
Jim, so good to have word from you. A lovely tribute to your wife, thank you for sharing it with us. Jim right now there is only what is "normal" for you. What you are feeling, how you are reacting, is exactly what you need to be doing right now. There is no right way to grieve. I think as Coco suggested, it may hit you harder after the service. Numb is good right now. I hope you will continue to come here and let us support you. ((hugs))
Jim- I went through many of the things you went through....and I think it is normal. It takes time to sort out your life, and to realize where you are now. Be patient, and never give up. It does get easier. I would like to say it gets better, but I am not sure that is true. You just learn to cope with it, and you become a different person. It becomes a time for some changes, and another phase of your life. Live for the present and visit the past occasionally, but do not stay there. The lack of grief right now is not a grave concern. Believe me, grief will find you eventually. Let it visit you, but do not let it be a room mate.Treat it like a guest, and do not let it overstay its welcome.
Jim, what a loving tribute to your dear Kathryn. You are both remarkable...I am glad you found each other. Grief moves on its own timeline and as Phranque* says grief will find you eventually.
Jim, What a wonderful tribute to your loving wife, Kathryn. Although your years with sweet Kathryn were short you lived your lives together to the fullest sharing wonderful memories. These memories will always live in your heart forever and what a wonderful blessing she came into your life!
Jim, be easy on yourself. It takes time and I really don't think there is a "normal". Don't box yourself in with a time frame....it's a devastation to lose the love of your life. Perhaps joining a grief sharing group with your local church would help?
We had the memorial service tonight and I even talked. I had a prepared speech but the pastor read the obit and it had about 75% of my talk in it. The other 25% was about Alzheimer’s and I decided it had no place there tonight so I threw it out leaving me with no speech when I went up so I just talked about the good times we had together during our marriage. I only had to stop to get control twice and other wise did ok.
I had several people come up after and tell me it was the best memorial they had ever been to, that it was upbeat and they were leaving feeling like they were a part of our life together.
I am holding up ok. This week is better then last week and I guess next week will be better then this week. I still find it hard to believe she is gone. I guess that is how it will be for a while.I am going to try to relax and try to figure out what the future holds. I am not going to rush into anything or make any big changes in my life but I think I need to get my thoughts gathered up and get myself back together and figure out what's next.
How you do that I have no clue, but I guess I'll just have to figure it out as I go along.
Jim, I think your decision to take it slowly to determine what path you will follow in the future is a good one. Don't be surprised if you feel better and then worse again. It sounds as if Kathryn's memorial service was very "real" and about more pleasant times. I think it is good to focus on those happier memories. Take good care of yourself.
Jim, I am still blindsided by the realization that Gord is gone. It never fails to surprise me. I suddenly can't breath as the truth hits me that I will never see him again.
The last service for Kathryn will be at the national cemetery on Wednesday at 2:30pm. I still do not feel like Kathryn is gone. I feel like she could walk in the door any minute still. I feel lost and every where I go feels empty. Maybe it will change after the service at the National cemetery. I don't know. I don't know what to do now. One minute I feel like doing something and a few minutes later I don't feel like doing anything. It just goes back and forth like that most of the day.
My son died in a car accident 19 years ago, and I still feel like he is just "away". Sometimes I think I am crazy, but other times I realize that it is just because I still "feel his love" and I still love him so much. Maybe the love we carry for the ones who have left us causes the heart to still be so connected that it brings us a peace that is hard to explain. I never understood the sympathy cards that said "He is just away", until I lost him. I'm like you, I feel he could walk through my door and no questions would be asked. I feel his closeness everyday, he is still a big part of my life. He is still with me, forever. The grief will hit you, and then you will get back to feeling the closeness that the love you shared will give you. Make sure to think of the "love" and smile everyday.