Before the AD started we lived in a over remodeled piece of junk structure (cant even call it a home) that was on a great lot. We were in the old house for 18 years before my wife & I together began planing for the new home. (started project about 7 years ago) By the time construction began she no longer was able to contribute to any of the many decisions associated with this type of project.
I questioned myself many times whether I should continue and spend the money but in the end I figured that perhaps doing the AD care would be easier in a accessible home (it is!) AND why not just move it all from the bank accounts (where medicade could get it) and put it into a structure that the surviving spouse would not be kicked out of.
So I finished it and here it is. And I made sure AD was part of the story. ;-) Please dont take this the wrong way, I am NOT trying to brag, I just feel proud for completing it despite Dr. A's presence in our life.
That is a beautiful home. It is so interesting how everything works and how efficient to heat/cool it is. It sounds like you tried to think of everything to make your life as good as it can be at this point in your care giving. Thanks for sharing the article.
Oh,wow, Jim! How beautiful! Yet, practical and economical, too! I love it. You should be so proud of such a place that makes it a little easier to take care of your DW. Kudos to you!
Jim, what an accomplishment. The house is fantastic. I'm sorry your wife couldn't participate in the planning more, but at least she has the benefit of its convenience and beauty. Good job!
M-MMan, I loved the property our old home was on and I had a new home built on it, very easy to care for,economical to maintain.Cleaned out the savings to do it, but as you say,medicaid would get the money anyway.And I am able to keep DH home ,he is happy going to look around his barn filled with things he bought at sales for years,the kids call it junk.People thought I was crazy building a house at my age,but we are happy here,
Thank you :-) I'll figure out where to post some more pictures
Interestingly I now find myself hitting an AD wall that the widows & widowers talk about. Doing all the things necessary to get the house done sucked up a lot of time. (One day I spent 5 hours on the internet researching low flow toilets to figure out which one was the best) Then moving in and furnishing it sucked up hours. (searching for and buying all the furniture and appliances on Craigslist)
Now we are 'settled' and the distractions are all gone. There is nothing left to do. Once I was a 'builder' and now I just do all the routine tasks of homemaking. My relationship with home building is over and I have nothing to do but look AD in the face everyday . . . . now I need to reinvent myself. . . . Hopefully what I learn now, will help me 'after the funeral' . . .
Ummm, Medicaid doesn't "take your money." Medicaid starts providing you money only when your assets and income drop below a certain level. Without Medicaid many people in our situation wouldn't be able to keep their house, their car or have any money in the bank.
But I agree that building the house is a wise move, both financially and to provide a better home to you and your wife. It looks wonderful.
M-mman, you are right; the day to day care and watching our loved ones is tedious, depressing, frustrating and painful. My plan was to learn to play the guitar but I cannot find the focus or motivation to even buy the instrument. I hope you find something that brings you some purpose and joy.
I just wanted to add that your comment about researching low flow toilets brought back some humorous memories. 2 years ago I did the same thing. I learned all kinds of "toilet stories" that were simultaneously gross, educational and sometimes quite funny. Thank goodness I replaced our 40yr old toilets when I did. My DH is obsessed with flushing the toilets. 4-5 times per trip to the bathroom. I'm not complaining, however, since the alternative is worse!