Yesterday was dh's 63rd birthday (in addition to being Easter) and almost 5 years since his dx. We celebrated both holidays with an emphasis on his birthday. Balloons, cake, presents, etc, he always enjoyed the attention and special celebration for him. I looked very hard to find presents that he could enjoy and understand-CD's of music he enjoys, DVD's of some old movies he still remembers and would bring him happiness and a children's US map puzzle. He was happy opening presents and seeing the balloons and even was able to tell me most of the states on the map. But after the initial excitment, it was just another day for him. He didn't know it was his birthday or a holiday, was only interested in the music and was back to his "normal" routine.
It's one more thing we've lost and such a difference from last year when he was excited all day about it being his birthday. I know he has been declining but I was actually surprised that such a special day for him didn't mean anything. Another adjustment and one more thing this terrible disease has robbed from us. The journey continues.....
So very sorry for all of us who went through those 'Just another Day' events. It has been so difficult for me to read and especially add to this blog just yet. But I just really need to share this experience, as it was anything but 'another day'. Yesterday I went to my Son's home and my Daughter brought her family to share our meal and let our grandson hunt eggs, all the traditional things. My heart ached for my guy to be there, but on this special day, I just felt he was. A slight drizzle was going on, and I remembered when my guy always told our children, "Look there, Daddy made a rainbow". Well.....as I drove down the street to go, remembering the comfort the day had brought, I looked up and saw the biggest double rainbow arching over our home like a big hug. Finally,... a big hug!! The day was so very special. The kids were calling, along with other family. They knew! By the way, it's our anniversary too.
janny* your story brought tears to my eyes. So glad you could find comfort in the rainbow. Yes, a doulble rainbow would definitely be a BIG hug! (((HUGS)))
I'll tell you my birthday story in case it helps. It was 3 years ago and two of her friends came over to wish her a happy birthday. I explained to them at the door that she may not understand. They came in and gave her a big hug and started talking like nothing had ever been wrong. I told the wife that she can't relate again and she got upset that I was spoiling everything. "I just came to wish my friend a happy birthday!" she screamed and stormed out of the house apologizing that she just couldn't deal with this. edit - (both her parents had died within a week of each other some months before)
Her husband asked me if that was true that my wife couldn't understand that it was her birthday and my wife turned to him and said "I think it's in the kitchen cupboard" and you could see it on his face that the penny truly dropped. He had to hurry out though to drive off and find out where his own wife had gone.
Last year this same man remembered that visit as them being quite supportive of me. And two weeks ago that same man died of cancer after struggling for almost a year. Nobody knew that that day. It doesn't change the fact that some things should be faced, memory shouldn't be adjusted to suit, and that we have little choice but to endure all these moments of loss.
On the other hand there are also double rainbows. All I know is I was lucky to have her.
I can surely relate to the a double rainbow and the memory will go with me to my grave. Within an hour of my husband's death when they came to the house to remove his body and I went into our back yard and there in the sky was the most beautiful double rainbow. Janny...the memory of that special double rainbow will be with you forever..what a beautiful memory that is for you and your family.
I read your post earlier. It was very moving. For me, it brought back many memories. For a significant birthday of my husband's, now so many years ago, I gave him what I hope was his best birthday ever.
For a party of ten I (with the restaurants chef's help) created a menu that I had printed up where the names of the dishes were titled with names and/or locations that meant something to him. The indulgent feature was diver scallops and they were worth it. The cake was a four tier chocolate mousse. That was to signify decades. Five never happened.
Forward to his last birthday at home which took place at a time when he would not leave the house. The cake was from Target and the present was an etch-a-sketch. Each had an impact of just a few minutes. He ate a lot of the cake, and played with the "toy" for a few minutes and that was it.
I would like to remember that his face and eyes lit up for a bit but don't know if that was real or just my hope.
You are a kind hearted woman and I hope the day brought you some joy.
LFL--I guess everyone that loses someone they love finds special days like birthdays and holidays bittersweet. The difference is, with dementia, we go through that while our person is still alive. So sorry his b-day was such a contrast this year. I like abby*'s idea of recalling significant birthdays from the past--the happy times. I gave Steve big surprise parties for his 40th and 50th--by 60, he was already dx. Next year on his b-day I should dig out the pictures from those parties to help jog my memory.
Thanks to all of you for your support, I should have been prepared for what happened (I live with him) but somehow I wasn't. I am truly grateful to have you as friends and your support.
My dh's 80th birthday would have been this past Wednesday. Our son wanted to take me out for lunch that day but somehow it didn't seem like a day I was very hungry. I suggested a new fast food place in town and he went along but not too happy about that. I have been very sad. Sunday I was eating at another fast food and saw folks I know. The man is a retired engineer and had a very responsible job in his working days. I was shocked to hear from across the room his wife say , "Well, you have dementia". He had surgery for a brain tumor and he does have dementia but how cruel, I thought to announce this. I don't know the circumstances that brought this outburst on. But I felt sorry for him although he may not have been aware of what she had said. Then all came back to me about how dh's last days were and that I must not wish him back to that life again. It jerked me back to reality. Yes, birthdays and our coming anniversary are tough but then so are lots of days. LFL - I hope you see a double rainbow someday real soon. Hugs to you.
Easter was my husbands birthday also. It was the day I called 911 because I could not wake him up in the car after we drove home from church. We were to go out to a family brunch for 14 with our kids and grandkids. We did not make it. It did not much bother me because I do not think Easter or birthday means anything to him.