Have any of you caregivers thought or joined a web service to meet some one of the opposite sex? I am so very lonely for the companionship of a male...no strings attached...no romance...just a friendship. Someone to spend the afternoon or evening sharing a meal, a glass of wine, and a few laughs. So weiry of this thankless position...no laughs...no nothing..
lulliebird--Go to "search" at the top of the page, and put in "dating."
It will bring up a couple of other discussion threads where this topic has been discussed. Warning--Yes, we all think we'd like to "just" share a meal and conversation. That might work. Unless you find you really like the person... So, beware the complications if you're sure, going in, that you don't want any.
For me personally, the limiting factor which determined whether or not I'd be willing to consider male companionship was whether my husband still had (to the best of my judgment) any capacity to comprehend or be hurt by my choices. This was not something I could have even looked at until a year ago, which was waaaaay after he stopped being able to be a companion capable of conversation and reciprocity.
I think if you wished to use a dating site, you'd have to be VERY explicit about how you were only interested in dinner and conversation (or whatever.) I don't think that's what most men have in mind, if they're on the sites.
it is so tough lulliebird, we miss our male companionship so much. My guy has been in a facility for going on two months now, I miss him so so much. The strange denial each time I go to visit, thinking he will actually understand and talk to me. I told him honey I wish you would know it is my St. Patricks day birthday coming up, and in his quiet comprehension, two tears rolled down.
Anyway, digressing. I really agree with emily to be careful, and that most are looking for more than a friend. Please no offense to the men here. Sex is a wonderful gift and it is a sad loss I feel too.
And to veer off just a bit again, the husband of my one time best friend, who are visiting next door thank God for not much longer, has made not too subtle advances, just unreal. touching my leg when he walks by, it feels like a creepy spider to me. These were the ones that offered little to no support during major crisis time.
Absolutely understand your feelings, and no judging at all. I wish you could have a lovely friend.
For me, not only could I just not have Dado hurt despite his not knowing, I also know, I need a ton more healing before any one else slips their self in.
I do understand how you feel,Lulliebird.I am fortunate to ahve some real good male friends whom call me every few weeks and we discuss news, weather, finances,nature, whatever.And I am thankful for them since Sonny no longer is able to converse much.It helps to keep me balanced to have intelligent discussions. Since they are all married ,I am always sure to tell their wives how much I appreciate their loaning their husband's ear to me.I think we all need to have friends of both sexes.We cannot just sit in our own little world and rot away.
lulliebird, I am no longer a caregiver. This is also somewhat OT....Thursday I came home from doing errands and turned on the television. A male voice said something like "since nobody is going to find a date in a grocery store we are introducing our new website guaranteed to find your soulmate," etc.
So, I danced around the kitchen a bit because that had just happened to me. This is not organic market guy who gave me the rose Valentines Day 2012. Different guy, different store. But it was nice. He approached and said that he had seen me there (always alone) and asked if I would like to go out for a drink or coffee this weekend.
I stammered out something about being recently widowed. He said (he had nicely NOT asked how long it had been), that when it stopped feeling recent, and if I was interested he would enjoy taking me out and gave me his card.
It felt good. It felt a little bit like someone was shaking my shoulder and saying "wake up". On the other hand it feels like a step into another world; and I don't know if I want to take it.
lulliebird, I highly doubt I would go to a service. I have no experience with them. I would probably start with workshops or seminars or bookreadings where the men would be what I consider my "type".
This is such a touchy subject, I am 49 years old, my husband has been pretty bad for all most two years, I still have a child at home, I work 45 to 50 hours a week and I am so tired of taking care of everyone, I feel guilty , resentful and mad, and lonely. It would be nice to have coffee with someone, that told you, your nice, your pretty, you matter...and know its no ones fault, its like living with someone that cant talk, that no longer has any say., it really is lonely.. I just wanted to say I know how you feel
Emily, Thanks for your input. My husband does have the capacity to comprend if I was on a "dating" website. He has expressed many times over the last couple years he doesn't care what I do. Actually, at one point a little over a year ago, he was encouraging me to find another guy! I guess this way it would have relieved him of any guilt that he had with his infidities???? Just a thought. Yes, I think I am being a naive thinking that a guy would only want companionship and not to move forward from the dining room into the bedroom. (no offense guys). Anyway, I'll give it more thought before I do sign on.
Coco, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! I have read many of your posts and your love and caring for Dado is incredible. It really touches my heart to hear your devotion to our DH. I am envious of this Coco because Stephen and I have never had this love. Shortly (very shortly) after we were married he changed. He changed almost overnight. Looking back over the years now I know that he was only holding his FTD at bay. He became so aloft and indifferent to any thing I did or said. So there has been over many years a coldness on his part. I always hoped that one day he would be the kind of man who would love and cherish me the way your Dado has you. You and your Dado have been so very blessed to have shared wonderful years on companionship. Coco, I am so very sorry that you have now had to place him outside of your home. The pain during this new transition your life will be in my prayers.
yhouniery, Could you share of your male friends (?) lol....
Abby, what grocery store are you shopping at? Guess I better spruce up a bit when I run my errands! I tend to agree that joining a club or taking a class at the community college in a special interest would be a good way to meet. Working outside of the home isn't an option ----husband needs supervision---not that he's that not it's that I am afaid he would get himself into trouble. Also, I am pretty drained from all of the emotional strain and stress he has put me though. I just though that joining a site would be the fastest and easiest way, but I am a little concern about safety issues. One of my good buddies met a wonderful man on the website. She's been very lucky because they have been seeing each other for over 1 year and she's so very happy. So this was just a thought I had as I was spending a very lonely Friday evening locked in my bedroom. So many pity parties....so much time alone.
lulliebird - My DH also changed as soon as we married, yes, overnight, but things were OK. He wasn't aloof or cold. But I have come to realize that those changes, and they were major, and he also changed when he came home from Korea, but he never saw actual battle, were personality changes from AD. It never occurred to me at the time that they were symptoms of a brain disease. I thought he was distracted, concerned about business, whatever. People argue with me, but I think it was always there, just hidden, lurking--for decades.
I've looked at dating sites and, yes, most men are looking for sex one assumes, but they also want someone to cook and entertain their friends, and to wake up happy every morning--either be like their wife or not to be like her. It's a hard role to fill. Maybe learn Chess or Bridge, there are clubs around. I know what you mean, tho, I do like a man's company.
lulliebird, when I was in Home Depot yesterday I noticed some nice looking, strong guys, seems like a good place to meet them lol. Perhaps you could hang out in the lumber area and take notes, looking for just that right wood grain. Then you could trip over one of those guys measuring tape oh so sorry , could I take you for coffee?
All kidding aside, I thank you for reminding us of your situation. Wish it could be better for you that's for sure.
Chelly, How difficult it must be to have a child still living at home and working 40 + hours juggling a schedule. I agree it would be nice to have a little attention and a compliment passed once in awhile. I miss hearing, "You look so nice today" It would be nice to be told "gee, you look so beautiful in that outfit" but nothing. I could be wearing a frog on my head for a week and he wouldn't notice! Yes, I would be very nice to have that attention and caring. Oh please don't feel guilty about your feelings....I truly believe that that's is very normal Chelly. I believe that God wired us to want human companionship with the opposite sex. Thanks for your honesy. Take care
Bettyhere, Oh you traveled FTD path though your marriage as well ....I wasn't aware. Although it's a rare form of demenia there are a few of us on this site. I wasn't aware why in the beginning he would lash out at me for no apparent reason. He began drinking more and more and it would make his rages worse. Then....shortly after he would calm down as though NOTHING happened and all was rosey. About the dating sites....you are probably right they only want sex and someone to cook for them. I have given enough as a caretaker and that that is the LAST the very last thing I want to do is cook and clean up after another man....no dirty laundry either! The sharing of a dinner would have to be dining (as oppose to eating) out. Not home cooked meal with box wine. No thank you very much! lol... It would be nice to cuddle up to someone and watch t-v with though. My husband sits in the den watching t-v alone with the door closed. If I try and sit on the couch next to him and watch t-v he gets mad, yells and stomps out of the room. This sure isn't what I bargained for when we exchanged wedding vows..."for better or worse" "in sickness and in health"----never in a million years thought a marriage could be so difficult and lonely. Never...Thanks Betty
Coco, lol...I am thinking on the same lines! A few weeks ago I was with my son at The Home Depot and we had to pick up a piece of lumber. Of course, with my son there I had to behave myself...but after we left son said, "mom your a real couger" Cracked me up.
Abby, I am so sorry to hear the lost your beloved husband. Just when I am feeling sorry for myself I am reminded that others are struggling here with far more than I....not exactly all the same issues and not at all the same stages, but we are all dealing with some very difficult and painful times. Your comment, "demenia destroys everything in its path and cuts a wide and unforgiving path" is so very true. The rollercoaster ride of emotions we suffer as caretakers of FTD and alzheimers is so very difficult I can't wrap my head around it. I am glad that you are still on the site after to loss of your dear one as your comments and contributions are appreciated and valued. Thanks Abby and I wish you peace and comfort after your tremendous loss. ((hugs))
All the years Lloyd was sick, I always talked to Lloyd's cousin's husband. He is my best friend. That is all. I would have never disrespected their marriage or ours. He was up here to see Lloyd at least twice a week every week and called often. Now that Lloyd is gone, he still calls to see how I am doing and I still go down to see him and Carol. I am not remotely interested in a relationship even now. How do you top the best relationship you ever had. I'm not bothering to try.
made me smile ladies, thinking of you cougars all dressed up hanging in the lumber dept of home depots. grin. but yes there are an over abundance of men there and very few ladies shopping in those stores! good luck, let us know. :) divvi
I went on a Senior dating website a few months ago. There are many men on it who are caregivers for AD spouses. It doesn't seem unusual. I met a lovely man who happens to live in my community. He is widowed as well. I'm 76 years old, what am I waiting for? If not now, when. The companionship is back. A hand to hold, a hug here and there. I feel good again. So nice to share a meal. Oh yes and he is 6 years youger than me. To laugh with someone. The closeness is so important. Knowing DH, he would be married already, if the tables were turned. I imagine him saying "go for it"
So funny about the Home Depot advice...I had the reverse idea. I'd be in Home Depot's paint department and a nice-looking guy would walk up to me with some paint chips and say "Excuse me, I'm wondering if you could help me pick a paint color, etc". The thing is, I never hung out there to see if it would happen! Seriously, there's nothing wrong with wanting companionship and someone special in your life. I've always preferred to be introduced by friends, but the dating sites are a big success today. I agree with Emily that most men have more than companionship in mind. Abby*, this is proof that you've still got it, girl! Wait a bit and then call the guy--take the plunge!!!
Divvi, The Home Depot is across the street from Lowe's...gosh, how lucky can a cougar get? haha
Ocallie36, I will check out the "Senior dating website" ...sounds like a safer means of cyber. I am sure that there are many caretaker males who would like the companionship also with the sex. I won't settle for less...I want someone who respects their relationship with there ill spouse and still has devotion for them. They just want a platonic friendship as I am looking for.
MayilninMD, I believe that being introduced via a friendship is the best way however, many people lack the understand of our unique situation in our marriage. They don't get it. It's not the same as caring for terminal cancer patient...it's not the same as caring for a parent with alzheimers/FTD. Until to walk in a alzheimers spouse's mocassins they will never understand no matter what.
I was actually surprised by how many friends and family members have actually either encouraged a relationship or at least been supportive. I know these things vary enormously.
At my age, I'm really not interested. I've lost two husbands. I did have to laugh about Home Depot and Lowe's. I wonder how many women do go there for that reason. LOL
Abby - forget what is socially acceptable. Do what your heart says. There are testimonies here from ones that said never and they are now in happy friendships or marriages. There are others that are not ready, may never want another relationship with the opposite sex.
Forget etiquette - follow your heart. Don't be afraid either of what others will say - they don't live in your shoes.
I had a friend told me to check out a site called Senior people meet. I checked it out and found out there were a few ladies on there that was only looking to have a pen pal. I signed up on it and found a lady that lives in Michigan and sent her an email and asked her if she would like a pen pal. Here is a copy of the email I sent her below:
I saw what you wrote about your sister and I am kind of the same situation with my wife.
I want to be totally up front about myself. I signed on this site because it said Senior People Meet and did not appear to be a dating service until after I joined it. Legally Separated is not right. I am married. My wife has severe Alzheimer's disease and is under Hospice care. I keep her at home and plan to take care of her for as long as she needs me and I can medically take care of her. When she reaches the point where I can no longer take care of her medically I plan to be with her as much as possible at the Hospice.
She no longer knows who I am or that we are married and I know that the woman I fell in love with and married is gone (for about 2 ½ years now) and will not be back but it doesn't matter to me. She is my responsibility and I still love her. Only now I love her like a daughter.
I don't mean to be depressing but do not want to mislead anyone. I am not at this time looking for a relationship or sex or anything like that (maybe in the future, I don’t know). I would really enjoy having a friend to talk to just about everyday life (not a shoulder to cry on). You sound like a nice person in your profile and we like some of the same things. I believe I would enjoy having you as a friend if you would be interested. So if you would like a friend that would be great. If not, I do understand.
I hope to hear back from you either way and have a great day.
Thanks for taking the time to read my email, Jim
We have been pen pals now for about 2 months and there is no worry of anything developing beyond that because she lives in Michigan and I live in Florida. I never sent an email to anyone that lived within 500 miles of me just for that reason.
Jim, with all that you're going through now, I am glad you have found a "friend" and pen pal that you can share every day things with. I hope the "normalcy" of having someone to talk to helps with the pain you're experiencing in your caregiving.
Jim, I thought that was a very nice letter you wrote. My husband was in a nursing home for 2 1/2 years before he passed away. For myself, I could never have dated while he was alive. I was still married even if he didn't know me.
Jim, I am glad that you have someone nice to correspond with. This friendship sounds like a win..win for both of you. I may look into it in the future....to be quite honest I am too badly scared to get into another serious relationship. I am truly happy that you do have someone nice and I hope it continues for many years.
Lulliebird, the good thing about it is you can see what kind of relationship on their profile before you make a decision about sending them an email. You do what I did. I made sure they were over 500 miles away and that they were not looking for anymore than I was. That way I figured there were be no preasure to meet. It is the same as just getting a letter only you can exchange letters as fast as the internet can deliver them instead of having to go weeks without talking. So far it has worked out well for me. I am learning about michigan and she is learning things about Florida. Growing up in Key West I have never really seen snow that I can recall and she has told me all about shoveling snow and other stuff about it. I find it interesting to talk about how different my life has been from someone else's that just lives in another part of the US.
A bit OT here - but I grew up in a much different Los Angeles than it is today. Then in 1946 I went to Roosevelt High in DC. Of course, I took all my clothes with me, including my saddle shoes and other white shoes that I wore all year long here. I walked thru the slush with them, friends said you could always find Betty in a crowd, just look down for the white shoes. I insisted and polished them every night. And I NEVER, NEVER would wear the warm panties the other girls wore, I had my light weight ones and froze my little patootie every day. But the mores were so different, I always seemed out of step. Even more so when I lived in Augusta GA in 1951--I really was from another planet, always said and did the wrong thing. Ah, but the sunsets in Key West, Jim, ah! Again, another world, altho our sunsets over the Pacific won't take a back seat to anyplace. I think much of our regional charms have disappeared. And with social technology we are all more blended, and at the same time, separated more than ever, some good, some maybe not so good. But you're right, it is interesting how different we all live. I read about some of your shoveling snow, while I'm doing errands in the sunshine. Interesting, indeed.
I have connected with people on Facebook. I first met people in pogo.com playing games there - kind of got into a group. When I started Facebook games some had gone there also. I have made very good friends with a woman in England (from pogo days) and one in Texas. There are also ones in Hawaii, and Georgia I chat with. Yes, they are all women - do not feel comfortable with men except guys I went to high school with that I keep on via Facebook. With the women we chat about their day and my day. It is my outside world besides here at the park.
Thank you, marilyninmd, Charlotte, LFL and lulliebird for your cute and encouraging words. I don't even know why I blurted out that I was recently widowed. What time limit would you put on "recent"?
lulliebird, I appreciate your kind words. My husband was also FTD. While his course was quick- six years-like many posters I noticed things long before then.
I found this site when his raging was really escalating, and my friends here were with me through and after his death. I don't know what I could have or would have done without them.
Jim, I will take your wise words of wisdom about 500 mile difference. I have always found it interesting to see how people live in differ regions. I have shoveled snow when I lived in Illinois and Missouri...now I shovel sunshine in Arizona and I love it. Was there a fee to join "Senior People Meet" and is that the name I would google in? Thank you for you help. I am sending you prayers as well as Kathryn during these horrible times.
Bettyhere, I love learning how the other half live also! I have lived from the east coast to the west coast and somewhere in between. Each region of the country has its advantages, but I prefer the warmer climates than the cold. I have done the bundling up in the boots, gloves, scarves and give me my sandals, shades, and capris and I am one happy girl.
Abby, I would consider you a "recent" widow as it's under 1 year however, missing your DH probably like an eternity. I discovered this website the same way as you...the raging never stops with FTDand it only gets worse. I hate how those with FTD can and do appear so very normal to the outside world. Husband can really frost my tonsils because he can be such an ass before the doctor's appointment and immediately on entry to the doctor's office he becomes quite the charmer. As he walks out of the doctor's office and into the car he's back to being the ass that he is.
My experience is a little different from the general motif that it's only men who want that and women just want companionship. In my whole life I asked one girl if she would go to bed with me and she turned me down but I can remember almost two score whom I did not. Being married made no difference to them whatsoever in fact some admitted it was part of being 'safe'. Some were married some were not, some were half my age and some were considerably older.
I'm not a liar or a cheat. My wife had her own stories we exchanged years later after we mutually agreed to stop being open. I've kept my word since that day and the invitations started dropping off sharply once I turned 50 but they continue infrequently to this day where I am still a married man and have always made it clear that I am (I don't wear rings). I also don't drink so I'm never in bars. I don't go to strip clubs or any social clubs for that matter. And I never once initiated anything except the single time I did in the 1970's and was turned down flat.
So I agree that one sex seems to have only one thing on their minds. I just don't agree which sex that is.
Below I'm telling one of those stories because I want to paint just one picture. You might not be interested in such a story so by telling you this I can spare wasting your time.
It was the early 80's, I was 33 or so and my sister occasionally stayed over because she lived out of town, came to visit our parents, and sometimes stayed with us overnight. This time my wife was travelling on business and my sister brought her girlfriend Kathy. We had dinner, and then I put on a fire and we talked and watched some TV. Later they went to bed and I stayed up for a while watching a movie and enjoying the fire. An hour or so later I heard something and looking up saw Kathy walking into the living room in a sheer black nightie.
I told this story to my sister just a year ago because I always assumed she was in on it. She didn't believe me that Kathy who could be described as quiet and shy would ever do such a thing. But she knows her brother. I don't lie. If I had rejected her I would have hurt her and that's another truth here. She told me several years later it was the only time she had done such a thing and had fond memories of it. Judge away.
I told my wife that story years later. We rented a cottage and were sitting on the dock drinking wine and for some reason got there and started exchanging stories. I don't regret any of it and I'm glad my wife has adventures and memories of her own. It's the moments we experience that enrich our lives either way. But you have to watch out for those women. They only seem to have one thing on their mind.
I gave my word almost 15 years ago to my soulmate and no matter how long she can continue in that nursing home I'm keeping it. And I found her stash of letters and things she kept as memories. I threw them out unread and unlooked at. It would be disgusting to me to transgress on her privacy because if Dianne had wanted me to see them she would have shown them to me.
I have no time for the many different rules so many different groups fight each other over and even kill over each sure their ideas are the only right ones. And I agree that men generally have that on their minds. And no matter what anyone says, I know that women do too. They're just a lot more elegant about it.
I am just heading out for the day and saw your post Wolf. Dado was also such a decent guy, and probably could count how many girlfriends he had on less than one hand.
And, though I regret so much of my past....I will admit, my wild sexual days were actually not so elegant. That almost always came with alot of drinking too so no wonder. Yes, I know some women, though less than men, that were and are overtly sexual and I really believe an abundance of hormones doled out unequally to each person has something to do with it.
There is just something so special about guys that want more than sex!! Love them! Don't know many...lol....but one of the most beautiful things I glean from this site, is that we are all so much the same, and I have always respected the guys but oh so much more now.
Our brother Wolf, you are a guy to not be forgotten, in the best of ways.
Wolf, I did not mean to imply that old thing that "men have only one thing on their minds," so much as to point out that when two people who meet each other find themselves to be mutually compatible...that often grows, and even if you go in thinking "I just want a friend," things can progress quickly if the attraction is there.
Speaking from the woman side of the fence, I will agree that women want sex too. Not all, and not all the time, but yes--we can have libidos too.
As for different ideas about what we would do, what's "right," what's "wrong," I feel like around here we generally agree to peacefully coexist with our differing philosophies and feelings about dating, sex, and all that junk. So, when I hear someone say how they could "never," and they just wouldn't, I think, "fine, that's good. You obviously have plumbed your own depths, you know how you feel, you know how you stand, and you will do what's right for you."
Wolf...I say good for you. Your wife and you had an understanding and that is what matters the most. But, after reading your post I thought we might want to give this thread a new title..."True Confessions". I would venture to say there are probably a number of people on here who could give us all some good stories, including me. I always tell my kids that I am going to write a book and the title will be ..."I LOVED THEM ALL". For years they thought I was talking about men and they would comment that they can hardly wait to read the book (I have two daughters)...but, much to their surprise I was speaking about my girls, grandchildren and now great grandchildren. However, I may throw a few chapters in there that they can have a few laughs about regarding men. When it comes to sex I don't think there is that much difference between most men and most women.
The biggest surprise I ever had regarding "sex" was that one of my best girl friends in high school mother was a hooker. She was married at the time to my friend's father and was married to him when she died. I only found this out about 10 years ago. I always wondered why she was always dressed up and hanging out at the local tobacco shop in this little mid-western town were I lived.
Do you think your friend ever knew about her mother? Mid-western town? When I lived and worked in Champagne-Urbana in the 50's, I thought the U.S. mid-west was the most straight-laced place I'd ever lived. I remember using the word "crap" at work, which in Canada means "nonsense", only to raise several eyebrows. Bad word.
Mary: I have no idea if my friend knew about her mother or not. But, I do know that when I had several people that I went to school with tell me this they were shocked that I didn't know. I also was in Champagne-Urbana a number of times in the 50's. I had a boy friend that was going to U of I and belonged to the Sigma Nu Fraternity and he invited me to a number of the major dance parties they had. My girl friend also had a boy friend who was a Sigma Nu and the two of us would go up there for the weekend. Great fun...I still have the pics. taken at the dances. My brother was a 1955 graduate of U of I. I was from Hillsboro, Illinois. it is about half way between Springfield and St. Louis.
And yes...the mid-west was very straight laced or at least that is what they tried to make everyone think. Lots of things went on that weren't so straight laced. Great place to grow up doing the 50's. I plan on going back late in the summer.
Wolf - don't exactly know what you mean by you agreed 'to stop being open.' I think I was always more of a prude than promiscuous, altho I was familiar with the back seat of a Chevy. But never, never, never, never would I ever have told my husband about even the most innocent kiss with someone else. There was a time when all the magazines were discussing being honest with each other, telling all, and I was appalled. I did not want to put those images in his head that would stay forever and pop up when least expected. And I think a less decent man might have used them as a 'weapon' against me. And I had no interest in hearing of anything he did. But since we were always in school together, and because at lunch the girls often talked about the boys, we probably had a good idea of the kind of people we were. But after school, I went back to DC to work for a couple years and went thru many a young man, had other opportunities to marry, but when he called and said, 'come home,' that's exactly what I did and never mentioned anyone I dated.
50+ years later, I have a gentleman friend, one of his buddies from school, and we tell each other everything, we have a comfortable common background from our childhood neighborhood. But neither of us plan to ever marry again or live together. We talk openly about my DH and his ex-wife. I've met her, a lovely woman and he, of course, knew my DH. I guarantee he has no interest in what I may have done in the past, he was always a player, I was the faithful wife. Today we are both wrinkled, shrinking, chubby and he's balding. But we are both people who live in the present, really the best place to be. If a young couple were to ask my advice (and who would take it?), I'd say your sexual past is yours. Too many people 'confess' to clear their feelings of guilt, it doesn't do one good thing for the other person, and run as fast as possible from anyone who questions you about yours.
Wolf, I am sorry to say I generalized with the male sex. After reading your post I regret that my impression was that the all males are only interested in the sex game. Yes, there are women that are only interested in the sex game too however, per percentage, I would guess the numbers are in for the men. Personally, I am probably one of the more rarer birds (hence the name lullie"bird"" lo that l) is just looking for companionship. That's all I want...and I am sure many of my "sisters" here feel the same way. We are caregivers and our marital vows are important, but we are ONLY looking for a "brotherly" "friendship" male relationships. After time and trust...yes, perhaps this could develop into some thing more, but for the time being I would safety say we only want an exchange in friendship and nothing more.
Wolf, I do apprecaite your input...I respect your opinion...and see your point of view. Thanks for your input!
Anyone who knows me knows that I am very tolerant and unprejudiced. I say this only so you understand that what I am going to suggest is meant with honesty. It is in no means meant to be making fun of anyone. To the women who want a male friend for companionship, conversation, dinner, movies, and NO sex, no one fits the bill better than a gay man. I am absolutely serious. You get everything you could possibly want in a friendship free from worries about him wanting sex from you.
I´ve had such friends over the years, and they were great.
Oh, yes. In college my best friend was a gay man who in fact introduced me to the one who broke my heart over and over. Not once or twice but so many times I could not take it anymore, but of course I did.
Wolf, thanks for an interesting post. A male friend has told me about all the advances women made in his past, and I'm always surprised. I guess because I can't imagine me or any of my friends doing anything similar, being brought up in the era when men were expected to make the first move. Maybe I missed out on some good times :)
I have a friend who I call my"adopted granddaughter". She has a gay guy living with her and they get along great. They go out together all the time with friends.
We musn't think of this as writing or worry about how we sound too much. It's so very important to have at least the connection here through words. And we all need that.
Please Ann, just talk. Express yourself here. It's important to all of us far beyond whether somebody knows a fancy way of saying something.