We've been living this Alzheimer's journey for four years, much more intently the last 14 months. I know I do not have to rationalize but I have to say that I have had back issues this time around since last May, back surgery last September, and then in October, I fell and broke my ankle in 3 places. After my younger sister left, I paid for 2 caregivers for my husband and I, instead of just one. (How fast the Bank CD goes!) My older sister died 2 weeks ago tomorrow. I am healing physically but my doctor diagnosed me with severe depression (some embarrassment for a retired counselor) and said that it was time for my husband to go into an Alzheimer's unit. I always thought that would only happen when he became physically aggressive, not when I could not take it.
It is happening this Friday. He does hallucinate some and is very fearful. He is quite aware that he has Alzheimer's which makes him even more anxious. So, I plan to stay the first night with him. We can only let our caregivers go as "friends." It is a brand new wing on an established assisted living facility. I am now walking so I am not moving in also. I plan to be there for lunch each day and while he is still "behaving", take him to church on Sunday.
ANY SUGGESTIONS FROM THOSE WHO HAVE DONE THIS ON MAKING THE TRANSITION EASIER ON HIM AND ON ME?
You've asked for suggestions and I don't really have any. It seems to me that you are thinking so clearly that you will quickly assess the situation and the staff and make the right decisions for each situation as it happens. It's just a gut reaction on my part, but I think that you are going to do just fine.
I think your instincts about taking him out and being there to try to maintain some continuity for him are good. NOT that that always works in every case! But you play it by ear.
The Director at my DH's facility was very helpful in making the transition easier, they have lots of experience. I did not discuss it before hand. Our children had his room prepared with all his things and photos. We all had lunch there a week before, like going to a restaurant. Having said that, I think he knew what might happen. I had lunch with him, said goodbye and then left. His face crumbled and I cried so hard I was unable to drive, but he did not resist, as I said, I think he knew and understood. Do not drive while on a crying jag, I knew I'd drive up a lamp post the way I was, so I sat in the car until it was all over. But ask the Director and work from there. We're all different.