Is there such a thing as too much empathy for a husband who has alzheimers? My heart bleeds for him and I guess I don't give myself enough permission to give him some healthy (for me ) neglect. It's hard to know when to back off and when to be there. On Friday I saw him (after 4 days of not going because they said that I shouldn't go so often as he is better when I don't). He looked like he was dieing when I got there and absolutely weak.. He had had stomach flu for 4 days and I didn't know he was so sick. At my insistence we took him to emergency where they gave him IV's. This was around 9:30 in the morning. I also went out and got Gator Ade and stayed there all day and gave him that whenever I could. Yesterday he was getting better and today even better. But I don't want him to die all alone and no loved one around. He is at a nursing home and the nurse did apologize. However an apology just doesn't cut it. And I think I will have to let the head nurse know. Do you have any ideas for a bleeding heart?
I would definitely tell the head nurse. That's terrible that they didn't call and let you know that he was so ill. I know when my DH was in the nursing home, they'd call me if there were any major changes.
midwestmn,do not listen to the NH telling you to stay away. Your sad story about the state of your DH's health on Friday says very loudly, that you must be there as often as you are able, to monitor his care. And please do complain about their neglect and their failure to notify you that he was so ill. You can still have a life away from the NH but do go as often as you want and need to because knowing that he is well (and cared for,) will enable you to do things to bring a bit of joy into your own life. All the very best to you.
Midwestermn, follow your heart. Do what YOU feel is right!!!! Don't worry a rat's a.. what the nursing staff thinks perhaps you also may want to contact an osbudsman because of their failure to notify you of his grave condition. This is neglect anyway you look at it. Do what you feel is the best for your DH and for yourself.