Dear friends, My DH died Thursday Feb 21st. I thank all of you for being there and answering my pleas for help earlier this year. Here is a fast description since his placement: November 2011, placement in the nearest ALF memory care facility, 100 miles away. January 2012 -- ER visit for violence (handcuffed in sheriff's car for transport) Feb-Mar doctor visits and lots of med changes May -- 16 days in geri-psych for violence (300 miles away) June and July -- relatively quiet. I hired a young man to keep my DH company, so I could visit my dad in the midwest and pregnant daughter on west coast August 27th 2012 -- DH was "required" by ALF to return to geri-psych. 28th DH was given 30 day notice to move from ALF 29th my father died 30th - drove my DH 300 miles to geri-psych (stay of 28 days) September 2012 - I spent 3 weeks on the phone, faxing, copying and filling out forms trying to locate a different placement which would accept my husband. 3 of the closest ones (100 mile and 2 at 150 miles away turned him down -- only after looking at application, asking for more paperwork). Panic. I finally decided to move my DH 1000 miles away to the west coast and near good friends. Applied to 3 ALFS and got 1 turn down before an acceptance. September 29 -- DH and I flew commercial and checked him in a new ALF October - adjustment for both of us. New staff, new routines, continual downhill. November - DH totally unable to feed himself December 12 -- DH was moved to the less functioning half of the ALF because of toileting issues. More adjustment for both of us learning all new staff members. December 24 -- DH stopped walking (after walking hours every day for months). January 2013 -- hospice and many falls as DH forgot he couldn't walk and stood up. January 25-30 -- our son from east coast visited. DH called him by name several times but couldn't finish a sentence. Continual decline and weight loss. Feb 16th -- DH told me he couldn't move his arms, he couldn't move his legs, he couldn't do anything. Yikes, he knew for moments that his body had failed. He still recognized me and called me by name, but these were just moments while he went "in" and "out" of reality. Feb 18th -- last day my DH recognized me. Feb 21st -- DH died in early morning after going to sleep about 20 hours earlier.
Currently, I am planning memorial services, writing emails, phone calls etc. as I continue my nomadic existence. I have been living out of a suitcase for 5 months, either staying with friends or housesitting, and driving a series of borrowed cars.
Yes, my husband's roller coaster ride (begun in 2007) ended, and although I will miss him terribly, I am thankful that his Alzheimer's roller coaster stopped.
Thanks to all of you for your insightful comments.
Dear Hikergirl, it was indeed a roller-coaster ride all the way, and what a long ride it was. I pray that you will get some well-deserved rest soon. The death and funeral have their own stresses, too. None of it is easy. It's amazing what you have survived. Please start looking out for yourself now. Love and prayers and hugs and wishes for recovery as soon as possible.
What a terrible time you've had hikergirl. {{{{HUGS}}}}} I'm sure you're just numb now. So sorry you have lost him but glad Alzheimer's has lost its grip on him. Take care of yourself now and feel the caring of all of us here.
Existance as it was, was not really "living" for either you or your husband. He is at peace. Now you can also be at peace. You say you are thankful that the roller coaster has stopped. Do NOT ever let anyone make you feel guilty for being thankful that its over.
hikergirl, my heart goes out to you for what you have been through this past year. You are a strong woman & from what you have written an extraordinary caregiver. After the memorial services it will be time to take care of YOU! He is at peace now & I hope that you will find peace in your new life. ((Hugs)) to you.
I am so sorry for your loss. You have fought this thing long and courageously and I really admire how strong you have been. I hope you have an opportunity to take care of yourself now.
My prayers and sympathy are sent your way. You have accomplished so much these past years, and need to comfort yourself with knowing you did it well. Pace yourself now, and begin the new days ahead with fonder memories. Hugs
hikergirl. indeed that was a stressful few months. please accept my condolences for you and family on losing your wonderful husband. he is now free of the misery and will give you more pleasant memories to cherish. divvi
My deepest sympathy. You really did your very best to see he was taken care of and that's all anyone can do. Please take care of you now and know he is out of Alz. prison and at peace.
I'm sure it must have been hard to go back and do a breakdown of events for us. But I appreciate it, Hikergirl. As I peer into a murky future, it helps to see what others have experienced. Your resilience and fortitude in unbelievably difficult circumstances is inspiring. I'm so sorry for how hard and sad and long the journey has been. I send my condolences and sympathy and best wishes for you and your family as you heal together.
You have been through so much in these recent years and months. I hope you can find some stability and peace now and heal.You did a yeoman's job taking such good care of your DH even in the most difficult of circumstances. Your star is well earned. My sympathy attends you.
hikergirl, I am so sad you've lost your husband but I am glad the roller coaster has ended for both of you. He is at peace, may your upcoming days be kind to you.
Hikergirl, I'm so sorry for your loss. However, I am very happy for your dh that he is free of this awful curse. I pray that you will soon regain our bearings and slowly stick your little pinkys out and test the waters. You are a brave heart, though, and I know that you will soon find your way and be stronger and happier in the coming months and years. I know that there is an adventure just waiting for you to join. My prayers are with you and your family.
My Lloyd passed away on Feb 18 so we are sharing alot of the same feelings. So glad it is over for you both. God bless you as you venture into a new segment of your life.
Thanks to all of you for your lovely comments and support. I feel clear in my mind and heart that my DH hated what slowly happened to his mind and body and had no enjoyment out of any of his last weeks or months. He now has his peace, which brings peace to me.