Wow...I am a basket case now after our trip to the Dr. My DH was very angry and when the Dr. questioned his anger...he wouldn't say why he was angry and mu DH got up and left the office. Just before that they were talking about his depression, but he won't take any medication for it so it just keeps getting worse. After he left the Dr. told me the following: Don't talk about his condition to him or in front of others. Don't say or do anything to make him angry, Don't force him to take medication he doesn't want to take, Agree with him on most everything. Don't let him know you are reading or looking AD things up on the net. Don't do anything that you think might make him angry....be very very careful.. Don't let him think you think he has AD. Gezzzz...what am I suppose to do be a robot "caregiver" don't I get a chance at life too??? Where are my "happy pills??" I am now scared to death...what did he mean "Be very very careful?"
Thanks blue....I have...I came home and have a call into my family dr. who is so sweet and understanding. They are calling me later this afternoon to work me in. Like I said I am now scared to death...after telling me to" Be very very careful" Then my DH asked me at least 10 times what the Dr. said to me after he left the room...and the dr. had just told me not to talk about his condition. wow.
judith, once the cat is out of the bag, all hell can break loose.dr is saying be careful if DH rages or thinks you are trying to be coniving and maybe think you would commit himor something. their minds work very strange and who knows what he will be thinking. when first diagnosed the are in denial and become beligerent and accusing. so just make sure how you address the situation for your protection too. divi
JudithKB - What a mess! I'm glad you can see your family doctor, who perhaps can give your more enlightening answers. I posted this another place, but at least the surgeon we saw today has his 96 year old Mother living with them and she has AD, so he knows there are hard choices. Thankfully, we can get by on a round of antibiotics before we have to make some sort of decision.
I am sitting here very upset with your physician ...he certainly doesn't understand Alzheimers and what you should do to contain your husband's anger and make it manageable. I agree perhaps that for a short period of maybe one or two days you should do nothing to ignite your DH aggressive behavior for your own safety but you certainly can not take care of him in the manner suggested. You may have a difficult time getting your husband to another physician who has experience with Alzheimers but you will need to perhaps obtain some medication to calm him . Right now I am concerned about your physical safety as your husband can no longer be relied upon to act ratiionally. It was irresponsibile for the doctor to let you go home knowing how violatille your husband can be if something triggers his anger. Insist upon some help from your family doctor and if need be you can tell your husband that you have the appointment with the doctor and you would like him to go with you. I am thinnking of you and praying for you.
Ditto on the new doctor. Go to the home page of this website - www.thealzheimerspouse.com, and look on the left side. Scroll down until you come to Find a Memory Disorder Clinic in your area, and click that link.
WOW! I've not had this to deal with--yet. My prayers are with you. I think I'd look for another doctor. That's a terrible thing to tell you. That's just unreasonable.
There is probably no "memory clinic" in my area also, although I'm sure there is one in Philadelphia. What my area has is an amazing rehab hospital who also have amazing stroke rehab. So what good is that the newbies are saying. Well, they definitely know the difference between a stroke patient who can be rehabilitated (and they do miracles there on a daily basis) and a dementia patient who can't. Basically my husband was diagnosed by a cognitive therapist there. She insisted we go to a neurologist and I think she might have had some say in which one, or what type of neurologist. Although the medical group did send me to the same practice for my testing yesterday.
If you don't have a memory clinic, find out who does the stroke rehab in your area and call them for a dementia neurologist. They know all the doctors in the area, and they won't send you to a bad one.
Starling-is the rehab center you mention Moss Rehab. If it is I know it well. Brings back great memories. It was there that the term ADL's was coined (activities of daily living)
bluedaze, no. I'm in the Allentown area in Pennsylvania. The rehab hospital is Good Shepard. They do rehab at a bunch of different levels. They have a full scale hospital you go to when you have surgery and you can't go home to an empty house. Next door neighbor used that when she had her knees replaced. They have an area where people learn how to live independently, and another where they take on people who can't quite live independently, but also don't belong in a hospital and are too young for assisted living. And there are day programs like the one my husband was on.
Actual stroke victims are actually there all day, several days a week. They get physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy and psychological therapy. I saw someone's schedule in the waiting room once. They were explaining that he would be there for at least 5 hours a day, 3 days a week. They have places for them to rest when it all gets to be too much physically. And they really do miracles.
IS THE DOCTOR NUTS???? You got to wonder if they even listen to themselves when they talk. Here's what our priceless gem of a doctor told my DD:
DD called and told the doctor that DW showed signs of anxiety and agitation and that a med was needed. The doctor asked specifically what the issue was. DD said, "Well, for instance we can't get her to sit and eat a meal. She eats a bite and jumps up and walks around the room. We have to keep calling her back to eat."
The doctor said, "And that's it?"
DD said, "Well, that's not good for her. She isn't getting a lot of nutrition this way, and also I'm afraid that she might choke after taking a bite and then getting up and leaving. She also tends to take the silverware with her, and she stashes it in different locations."
The doctor's years of WISDOM led him to tell my DD, "Well, you just need to follow her around. Alzheimer's patients need to be monitored closely, you know."
Spoken like a guy who has NEVER taken care of an AD patient. Does he seriously think it is at all possible to follow someone 24/7?
We switched doctors within the week. And this guy is a premier AD neurologist! Lots of knowledge, no common sense.
I am going to put my head on the block here, but I'm not sure the doctor was all that off-track. Unfortunately, DH's behavior & the scenario w/DD is very typical of AD behaviors. Sometimes meds can help such behaviors and sometimes not. DH was displaying rage and no cooperation--there was no talking to him. The doc was telling you to be careful and don't get him upset because he could turn on you. It is important for the CG to keep calm in the house as much as possible--and I know from personal experience that is not always possible. If DH gets angry when you mention AD, etc, don't mention it. He is very, very frightened--terrified really, he doesn't know what is happening to him, he's losing control of his mind and is desperately trying to keep control as best he can. Always agree w/DH, always, don't argue, explalin or reason, he can't digest any of that. It's his brain cells changing and he can't help it. As for your life--well, there comes a time when you have to realize that everything in your life is upside down and changing and there is no going back. If you are going to be his caregiver, then you have to adapt, he can't--it isn't that he won't, he'd really like to, but he can't. As for saying that AD patients need to be watched all the time--truer words were never spoken. It's like watching a 2 y.o., you can't relax for a minute and that's part of what depletes us physically, mentally and emotionally.
Certainly another doc may give you more comfort, but they can't make someone take meds, they can't follow every patient all around the house as they wander, leave doors open, the stove on, the water running, put shoes in the microwave and insist on driving. It's the nature of the damn disease. Sometimes docs/meds can help, but it's the nature of the disease that you have to accept if there is ever going to be a modicum of peace. Things have certainly changed since I spent 10 yrs caring for my DH and most of it I learned the hard way. But I've lived thru all these behaviors you mentioned and more. Unless they have had personal experience w/AD, many docs don't know squat about it, I also learned that, but the advice given is just not all that wrong. You have to decide do you want to be right all the time, argue and fuss, or do you just want to get thru the day. Because you can't win--if your LO really has AD. And I know, I know, I know, you really are giving up large chunks of yourself--but not your essence--you'll still be there. But you will grow stronger, you will adapt, many good things will happen, you'll have moments of great pride when you get it right on occasion. You're in charge now. Please go to my web site and read 'What You Need to Know,' and 'I Have Alzheimer's.' It really will help you to understand what is happening to your LO and to cope easier--not w/out problems, but a bit easier.
http://geocities.com/caregiving4alz
I have not forgotten the anguish, the fear, the horror of it all, but once you accept living w/AD on its terms and give up (for the time being) your normal response to things, you will do better. My love to you all, really.