I was thinking last night that this might be an interesting discussion. I have one thing that makes me the most crazy. We all deal with a lot of things that are hard to handle but there is probably one thing that will push each of us over the edge. This is pretty much the only thing that will get me mad enought to yell or fight with DH.
As many of you know, my DH is in his late 50s and has had symptoms of FTD of may be 12 years now, he is not diagnosed and is probably a stage 4 to 5. His memory is pretty good with the exception of his short-term memory. He also has major mood swings. But the thing that makes me the most crazy is the constant talking. It doesn't matter if I am in the restroom, the kitchen, the back bedroom or the basement, DH keeps talking to me and then usually gets upset that "I walked away from him while he was talking to me." We wil be sitting in the livingroom and I will get up and tell him that I will be in the bathroom for a minute. He will either say "OK" or something like "Why do you think you have to tell me every little thing that you are going to do. If you need to go to the bathroom, just go." Then within 15 seconds, he will start talking to me. I can hear him talking and will tell him that I will be out in a minute.
Today, when I went home for lunch, I was trying to make lunch in the kitchen and he kept talking. So I sat on the couch and sat for 5 minutes. and he asked me when we were going to have lunch. I told him that now would be a good time and got up and walked to the kitchen. He started talking and I pulled up a dining chair to listen. He then asked if lunch was ready yet. I told him that I need to keep making it. So back in to the kitchen I went. This time, he let me finish.
I think that if it was just idle talk and nothing intense or major that it might be different. But he talks about intense things and gets loud. He will talk about things on the TV, what the neighbor did, what Son did, etc. he will bring up things that we have already discussed many times and that we can't do anything about. he will wake up in the middle of the night and start talking about something that is on his mind. It isn't that he forgets that we have already talked about the topic. things just weigh on his mind and bother him, so he feels the need to talk.
I'm so good at just letting things slide but this talking really drives me nuts. I feel bad about it because some day, he won't be able to talk at all and that will be even worse.
Are you sure you aren't talking about my wife? It's been getting worse in the past month. I can be on another floor in the house. She can be in the bathroom with the door closed. Usually the same subjects again and again. The repetition makes it much worse. The same subjects, such as what flag the neighbors are flying, if any. I get over 10 calls a morning at work, that she just went poop, about to have breakfast, had breakfast. What did I have for breakfast. Some of it is thinking aloud, not necessarily talking to me. And if I get a word in it is usually ignored.
the shadowing drove me absolutely nuts . couldnt turn around where DH wasnt so close i would literally bump our faces. then he started spying on me with binoculars ALL the time, from just 6ft away. or around corners and it was just creepy. i could see him looking at me with the binocs from anywhere/anytime even while i was in the bath.
the thing about AD is that when they move to a new stage, more declines but some of these pesky actions we get rid of only to be replaced by something else. and not always better.
The last couple of years, it was the shadowing that drove me up the wall. I couldn't go into the bathroom without him following me. He had to know where I was every second.
Now it's my daughter's black Lab. I go into the bathroom and he comes in. Sometimes he sits until I'm through, other times he checks and then leaves :-)
For me the thing that drives me absolutely crazy is his vocalizations. My husband's speech is pretty much gone except for a couple of words which he uses rarely. From the moment he wakes up in the morning until he falls asleep he is constantly laughing and screaming and pounding. He will laugh or scream until he has no air left. A couple of minutes later he starts up again. Earplugs don't block it, being in another room doesn't help (he just follows me in there) or listening to music with earphones. Some days I scream with him...which doesn't phase him at all either. This is the first stage that makes me feel like I'm at the end of my rope. :(
I think what drives me the craziest is that mentally and emotionally he is totally gone but physically he is not bad enough for me to get any outside help!!!
Its the talking for me also. He talks in the third person sometimes. When we get home from anywhere as soon as he walks in the door it starts, and lasts for awhile. T is home, what is T going to do? T is putting his wallet here, he talks constantly but it happens at home mostly. I believe he is thinking out loud. I can tell when it changes and he is talking to me otherwise I kind of ignore it but still have one ear listening in case he decides to do something he shouldn't. One more is the laundry. He does the whites and towels and his clothes every day. (I hang most of mine up so I do it.) Anyway he sits downstairs while it is washing. Then when it is drying he opens the dryer door every 5 minutes and only dries it for about 20 minutes and thinks something is wrong with the dryer cause it is not drying well. I have told him repeatedly to turn it on for an hour and it will buzz when done. Mostly i just let it go.
Mary in Montana,I started a discussion a while back,it was about constant talking.Just type it in the search box at the top of page.I know what you mean,the constant talking drives me crazy too.
Yes the talking drives me a bit looney also. Also, hubs is always physically in the way so we are all constantly bumping into him, he stops right in the middle of doorways and doesn't step to the side when you walk through. It's all the lack of spatial issues, he doesn't get what personal space is anymore. It drives me crazy that he is always in the way! Ok I feel better now! :)
All the above! But really rummaging through things and rearranging things constantly. He is always organizing things. Well that is what he says. It is so he doesn't lose things. He still cannot find things. They could be right in front of him. He then will look in places he hasn't been. Why would your razor be in the iPad case? Oh so many things drive me crazy right now. I need a good break.
Rummaging thru everything and leaving it all over the bedroom, his constant attempts to go out the doors (they're locked because there's no way he could find his way home) and the standing in the way all the time. All of it drives me crazy.
DH has shoes with velcro straps. His feet are very thin. So he spends the day putting on extra socks and taking off extra socks. So I hear rip, rip, rip, rip, rip..... all day long. I hate that sound now. He is busy doing his socks now. I know it is not any thing big but I really am getting bugged by it.
I forgot who had the DH with the binoculars. I always think when DH is watching me at least he is not using binoculars. Sorry divvi.
Again, all of the above, but one thing that gets me crazy is when he gets the TV remote. He sits and changes the channel for half an hour. He gets up into all the higher channels that we don't subscribe to and at every one asks how we get that one. I finally tell him to go to the channels under 100. Then he presses 1 but doesn't get to the 00 fast enough. Then I tell him to press 56. Then I take the remote away from him.
A few days ago after this happened he got up and came to the table where I sit and picked up the telephone instead of the tv remote. He sat back down and was pressing numbers and asked why the channel didn't change. Then he tried pressing on his fingers. That didn't work either. By this time I was laughing. We all need a good laugh occasionally.
Ain't that the truth, MaryinPA? Laughing, I mean. DH does the same with the remote and always messes the TV up when he tries to turn it off. Sometimes, he'll pick up phone and press buttons to turn it off or on. I laugh to keep from crying.
Yes, all of the above except Divvi's binoculars. One of the worst was when he constantly tried to lift the upholstered furniture by the arms. He finally managed to tear the seams out of everyone of them. The most painful was his refusal to lift his foot while I was putting pants on him. After I'd get my fingers underneath his foot, he'd do his best to crush them. Now that he's been bed ridden for almost 2 years, I no longer have any of these problems.
Over the years:standing in front of me and not moving,ertting hold of remote and goofing up the Dish network(really hard to get it straightened out) Taking shoes and socks off and on a dozen times a day,won't pick his foot up to get his pants and depends on(I don't think he understands what I am saying),rummaging and rearranging things(I am afraid to take a cat nap),getting in my computer cabinet and stuffing my things in his pockets(sewed his pockets shut).THank goodness we are thru with the shadowing, won't go in bathroom because someone is already in there(man in the mirror)One thing I am thankful for,he has never attempted to go outdoors.so guess I can't really complain,I am sure things will get worse.Oh, right now he scrapes the table cloth with his fingernails,he is cleaning it for me,so he says.
Oh my gosh, we are all in this aren't we ? my husband can not carry on a conversation, its just the same simple questions over and over, I am also thankful that he does not leave the house, he does not seem to want to go anywhere and only seems content when we are all in. , but can not seem to rest until all is in bed, I can not read a book , go to the bathroom, he follows me in to ask me questions, even when I tell him I will be right out, to give me a minute, he just cant and the questions come over and over, oh it drive me nuts, he uses speed dial to call me at work (multiple times some days) to ask me to let the dog out when I come home, then calls me 10 minutes latter to tell me he let the dog out, ugggh... I guess sometimes it does me laugh but most days it drive me crazy.
For me it's her near total loss of short term memory, which means the inability to successfully carry out even a simple one step direction ... which is actually entirely my fault since I should know better than to ask her to do anything anymore. She is simply unable to remember anything beyond a second or two. Perfect example ... yesterday when she was coming up the stairs I asked if she would also bring in the mail (mailbox is attached to house right next to the front door ... open the door and just reach out and open the mail box). She said okay. As she walked upstairs I asked her to put the mail on the kitchen table, as always, and she said fine. A half hour hour later I go to look at the mail on the kitchen table ... no mail. I check other rooms ... no mail. I ask Clare where the mail is because it's not on the kitchen table and she says she doesn't remember. I ask if we even got any mail and she says, "I think so, but I can't remember." I search other rooms again ... no mail. A few hours later, I start thinking that maybe the mail hadn't arrived yet when Clare went to 'get it' ... we always get mail, evne if all junk mail! So I go to the mailbox ... and there's all the mail. Why do I continue to ask her to do things??!! Repetitive questioning would also be right up there.
I know. It's so hard when we've lived for years with an intelligent person and all of a sudden you can't get a normal answer. I don't know why I didn't learn not to ask DH why he did something. The answer was always " I didn't do it".
Right now at my husband's stage it's "let's go somewhere" all the time - but he has no idea where he wants to go - fortunately we live near Stone Mountain in Ga and it is a beautiful area just to drive through - that seems to pacify him and I enjoy the scenery! It's just so hard when you'd love to just sit down with your computer or a good book or just rest for a few minutes. Taking a nap is now out of the question for me - because he keeps talking to me and as so many of you have mentioned - just keeps on talking! When our infant grandson is here it's even worse because he can't grasp that he has to be quiet if the baby is asleep!
Oh Divvi, I laughed and cried at the same time picturing your husband "stalking" you with binoculars right in your own home. The things we are asked to cope with loving these spouses of ours!!!!
When this adventure started for us, one of my real concerns was how I would stay sane while living with such a degree of craziness. So far so good but its early yet. :)
The drooling - spots all over the floor that I finally mopped up the last of after he was gone. The commenting on the hardwood floors he had put down several years ago. They are nice but I didn't want to go with him to admire them several times an hour all day long. Uh oh I still pick up the phone sometimes to change channels :).
The above comments (except for the binoculars!) sound like my home. The television remote is a biggy - my son just bought us 2 universal remotes (I've hidden one) because hubby lost the last one! He can spend most of the day clicking through channels (oh, our poor TV), stands in the middle of the floor, just clicking away! At least once a day, hits the wrong button & gets things all fouled up. Then I have to try to undo what he's done (I'm not that great with technical stuff in the first place !). But losing a whole remote....it's not exactly a tiny item. Kids & I have looked every where we can think of, even absurd places, but it seems to just be gone. Probably in a landfill by now :) Of course, he doesn't have anything to do with any of it!!! Some of the comments really do make me chuckle.
Just wondering for those that are having problems with spouses using the remote TV control to excess...just hide the remote and only you get to use it. Fiblet time...you could tell your spouse that the TV company now charges for changing the channels so much...or tell him you will change it when he needs it changed....he may then soon forget that he wants it changed because he probably doesn't understand programs at all anyway. I had to take the remote away from my dh, but I was lucky and within a day or two he never asked for it again.
I keep the remote hidden in a drawer in the coffee table. He doesn't even realize there is a drawer so all is good. I don't know how they can foul up the tv so easily with the remote, but it takes us awhile to get it back to normal.
they do some pretty hilarious things as well as some not so funny! mine also messed the tv up many a time reprogramming the remote by just punching buttons. being without a tv that worked always set me in motion! if i hid it that didnt stop him from getting behind the tv and messing with wires. just was always into things. gosh i am glad thats over. exhausting and depleted our energy just trying to keep up with them. and mine was also a pacer. around and around around all day, walking nowhere but into everything. moving things, hiding others, breaking many beautiful antiques before i could get to him. but yes the binoculars were the icing on my cake. :) think of a stalker 6ft from you all day looking at you. its quite an uneasy and annoying thing. but a very creepy feeling too. made the hair on my arms stand on end! i do still have a few squirrels come to beg for their peanutbutter jelly sammiches. (grin) a couple of the females have been coming for about 4yrs now. and quite spoiled i must say. i thew her some bread and she threw it back just the other morning, ie- no peanut butter on it. :) very spoiled indeed.
i will also never ever forget the day DH was chewing something and i got close and smelled something wierd- like chemicals. he had opened a drawer and got a tube of epoxy!!!!!! yes it happens, and was chewing about 2 in of the log from the tube. like a tootsi roll. haha. omg---- at the time i was in such a state i called poison control, our dr, pharmacist, everyone to see what to do. they all said watch him and see if he has a bowel movement SOON. if not his colon could block. now everyone knows then and there became the poop queen:))) i had to get him 'moving' with anything and everything you can imagine. when it happened i was dubbed the Queen so it stuck. literally right after the epoxy!ha! now looking back i can smile. the road to dementia has its moments along the way for sure! and my DH( godblesshim) has given me my fair share thats for certain. now hes late stages 7 end stages and can still get into alot of trouble even though bedbound. :)
The TV remote is a problem here too....always screws up the tv and programming which drives me crazy too. No matter where I hide it, he seems to find it. So now he uses the portable phone thinking it's the remote...waiting to find international calls on the bill someday. Oh, did I mention the portable phone handset that he hid 6 years ago and has never been found? Glad to know I'm not alone!
Jim, I agree with you more than anything else i's demenia (DH has FD).
The thing I find the hardest right now is that I am never "allowed" to show any negative emotion. Everything is fairly smooth as long as I'm happy (which I usually am) but the second I show any anger, frustration, tiredness,impatience; any hint of a negative emotion and he goes off the deep end. Like I said I usually am happy and work hard at being patient and upbeat but it's quite a stretch to be Polyanna 24/7!
I agree with JimB. I do remember a time I was putting my wife in the hospital and was talking with the doctor. She was chattering away, as she often does. Sudddenly she stopped, looked at us and said: "Are you listening to me?" Nothing she said made any sense, but we had to listen.
Divvi reminds me of the time my wife looked like she was sucking on a piece of candy, but I knew she didn't have any. I got her to spit out what she was sucking on. It was her hearing aid, which she had chewed in half. I did not replace it, since I couldn't get her to keep it in.
Ring, I understand what you mean...it's really difficult to try to keep things at an even, upbeat level. I was going to share more thoughts, but I think MY brain is mush today!! I come back later :)
It isn't funny!!! but I am sorry, I did find myself laughing at some of the responses. We are late stage so all of these aggravating stages are behind us, but if I had to pick one thing that annoyed me the most it would have been the constant shadowing and lurking. The lurking drove me almost mad! ALL the time he was hiding from me, yet "spying" on me at the same time.
And LOL Divvi, you reminded me of the time when Lynn was chewing on something and he said it was chocolate, well he already polished off all that so I knew it wasn't chocolate. Turned out to be a candle! it was the kind you break and burn in a warmer. Looked enough like chocolate to him that I had to hide them from that point on.
Deb, we never experienced what you are with the laughing and screaming... that would put me over the edge! So so sorry ((hugs))
My DH wants big print books from the library. I doubt he can follow a story,but he pretends to. Recently, he started reading out loud, softly. When I complain he starts reading much louder. I know he does not understand most of what I say, but than can be very annoying. Another new activity is tearing things. On Monday I brought in a news magazine from the mail. He picked it up and tore it in two. The next day he tore up the paper. I told him that he has to stop tearing things. Of course he has no short term memory now, so that is one more thing I have to watch for. Every day there is something new to take care of.
Turning OFF the lights. I turn the light on going upstairs, he starts up and turns it off! All lights are on/off all day long! That, along with the repetitive questions every 3-4 minutes!
Look up "distruptive vocalization" at the top here, and google it. Talking all the time is one thing, you think you have to answer them but usually you DON'T have to. Try to tune it out. That's what I did when mine basically just made constant noise, dum dum dum, huh huh huh..
I'll try this again - in my last comment, my brain went blank. Scary! When hubs is in the kitchen, he tosses everything on the counter. His coffee cup, a spoon, a plate, etc. Doesn't just put things on the counter, has to make as much noise as possible while doing it. Bangs cupboard doors, the drawers. The light by his chair has a 3-way switch. He is constantly turning it on (to check the all important time & date!), has ruined one switch already (I put a new one on all by my lil' ol' self!) & I'm thinking this one will be messed up before too long. He tosses the remote control on the chairside table (that is when he's willing to let go of it!) & has worn a very obvious nick in the table top. AARRGGGH!!
We have several remotes that are for some device, but aren't used. For those of you with remote issues, would it work to hide the working remote and replace it with one of these dummies?
If I were to pick one...and only one I guess one of the worst is he can't hear with a crap.
Everything is "what" "what" "what" sentences must be repeated over and over again with a raised voice each time. Finally when he hears it he shouts, "Well you don't have to yell at me." Well, EXCUSE ME MISTER!
I have found that its not that DH can't hear but that his brain doesn"t process what I said until I have said ir numerous times. Then of course I'm so frustrated that I am shouting. Same result!
Yes, girls I think you are right it's the brain that can't process what they hear. However, I do believe that the "what" "what" "what" becomes a habit in the speech their too.
Also, when they do hear us they don't acknowledge. Our comments fall on dead ears. Then once again the process starts over againi.... we repeat and repeat and repeat. I believe I need to invest in a parrot!
Something happened this morning that has happened before and drives me crazy. I get upset when he wears my clothes. Honest. I got him dressed for daycare. Which takes a long time, because I have to say take off your shoe, now the other shoe, take off your sock, etc. I get him to put on clean clothes the same way. Finally he is dressed, shaved, I have cleaned his classes, everything. Then I get dressed. I came out he was sitting with his clothes on, a sweater on, plus my sweater on top of his. This happens whenever I leave anything of mine out. He may put on my coat or my gloves. There are no boundaries. Growing up I was the oldest of four sisters and they were always taking my clothes. Also he is fifty pounds heavier than me.
I understand exactly where you are coming from. I don't know why this irritates me but it does. He will force his feet into my slippers or shoes, wear my robe or put on my sweaters. One day he came out of the bedroom in a pair of my capris and a tee shirt. THAT time, all I could do was laugh....he looked so ridiculous. So I am trying to let it go, but it still bugs me.
It is amazing what brings us all to the edge of insanity.
I can hear the same questions over and over again, I reply nicely. But what drives me absolutely bonkers is dh's handling and punching of the breads and other baked goods on the kitchen island. I started leaving those items there so dh could feed himself without asking me where anything was. The minute I see him rearranging, squeezing, touching the stuff, I have to turn my head the other way so he doesn't see the fire coming out of my ears.
I know, I know. It could be worse and I am sure it will be before long.