I had a talk with the doctor today and she told me that Kathryn had probably from a few days to a week. She also said that she could go suddenly too. She had a good three hours this morning where I was able to talk with her off and on and at one point she knew who I was and called out my name. The good thing is I got to spend some quality time with Kathryn which I hadn't been able to do for a long time. I really needed that time with her.
What a joy to have a few moments with Kathryn when she knew you and you could communicate..... You are both in all of our thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry you are facing this. Try to get a little rest if you can.
Jim, glad you had the good time with Kathryn today. You have been a wonderful caregiver to here. If fact, you're one of my many Alzheimer's caregivers. Thanks for all you have given us here as well as for taking such good care of Kathryn.
We are still at the Hospice. Kathryn is on so many drugs to keep her pain free and comfortable that she sleeps all the time now. As much as I would like to be able to talk with her and interact this is for the best because as long as she is asleep she h isn’t scared and that is very important to me.
This morning I was still awake at 2:30am and decided to go get some breakfast. While I was sitting there waiting for my breakfast to be served all I could think about was all the things Kathryn and I would never be able to do together again. Things as simple as sit in a chair. We will never be able to go to another movie and take a small trip, or go for a walk together again.
I still couldn’t believe that this time was really here when the transport vehicle. Even sitting her in the Hospice room with her it is still hard for me to except that our live together is coming to an end. It dawned on me this morning that I have no clue where my life will go from this point forward. All my lives plans will be gone when Kathryn is because they all evolved around her. She has been a part of my life since we first met and now I have no future planned. It will be just me again, alone without Kathryn to share my life with.
I am so sorry Jim. It is incredibly difficult but you will go on. Slowly but surely, you will find your way. They say that when one door closes, God opens a window. I am sure that for weeks and months, you will be numb with grief but in time, you will find a way to go on. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Kathryn. There are so many of us here to support you through this awful time.
Thinking of you both, Jim. I know this time must be extremely difficult for you, but, as jang said above, you will find a way to go on. Blessings on you.
So thankful for everyone here. Jim, many of us are behind you in this journey, learning as we go from your example. Others (too many others) have earned their stars and are encouraging you through this as you earn yours. Prayers for you and for your Kathryn.
Jim: At first it will just be one day at a time. Grief is not easy but you will make it through this. Then something you probably haven't even given a thought to with all the time caregiving takes will happen and you will turn that corner and your new life will begin and the pain will ease. You will never forget Kathryn but the good memories will be more vivid then the bad ones you are going through at the present time will get less and less. Many of us here have made it though this time and you will too.
I have sold my home and moving into a retirement community. All the work doing this has taken over my grief and I now know I do have a life without my beloved Jim. You will be fine and we will be here to support you.
I think of grief as part of growing up. You will be learning to live with a never ending sadness. After a time of grieving you will find a way to tuck this sadness into a special place in your heart. There you will be reminded that you have lived, loved and been loved. You will make room in your heart to live and start a new chapter of your life. This chapter is not about forgetting your memories but adding to them. The journey through grief is a hard one but one we all must make. Know that you are not alone though it seems that way at times. That is what we are here for. To love and guide you through these times. Know that our hearts are with you.
Jim, My heart goes out to you. You are and terrific husband to Kathryn...she is so blessed to have you and you her. My heart breaks for you as you face the most difficult days ahead. Prayers for you and for your lovely Kathryn.
Jim, at this time, you are at the lowest, emotionally, that you will ever feel in your life. Or I hope that is true and you'll never be in this place again.
For the first few months afterward, you'll be walking through fog. I felt like I needed to tell everyone - everywhere - that F had died. Grocery store clerks, Target employees, the gas station guy.. because they needed to know. Or so I thought. I really did have a melt down with the Manager of Target! Poor guy. I was looking for an item, it was less than a month after my DH died, and of all things, I was having to shop for Christmas gifts for my youngest grandsons. " Darn those Christmas carols!" was all I could think. How could anyone begin to "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" in light of the fact that Foster was dead??? Why didn't they get that?
I was truly walking through 'the valley of the shadow of death' for about 3-4 months, as most of us did. How many times had I recited that verse and not have a clue what it meant! But somehow, gradually there was a glimmer of light in my horizon. I realized one day that I could breathe deep breaths again and it didn't hurt. I had gone for two entire days without shedding tears, then three, then four. This does not happen in a week or so.... and I seem to feel it takes most of us about six months. Then we have to pull up our 'big girl panties (or jockey shorts) and go out into the world. I volunteered to work at the Receptionist's Desk at our church for one or two days a week. I enjoyed the company of people who didn't know my husband.. My friends were wonderful, but they felt like they needed to tread lightly knowing how sad I had been. So it was good to be with new people who only knew ME. It was a nice escape from my world of reality. They laughed, and I did too.
At first, I didn't know how the world would continue to turn without such a vital man on it. He was VITAL. He was extraordinary. A leader, a gracious, gentle man who left an indellible trail behind him. Surely, something out there would suffer. But only I had stopped 'turning'. The world went on. And so it goes....
I truly feel your pain, ... and it is REAL, and it will continue to be there for a while.., but if you ever believe anything any of us are saying, ever again... just believe this. Your pain will lessen, your tears will stop, and in time, you'll be okay again. You will never, ever forget your beautiful wife .. but she will eventually turn into a deep mark in your heart, ... and like with a scar that will always be there, the bleeding will stop.
This time is as it should be. God bless you for being there with her. She knows you're there., something inside of her feels safe and secure knowing that. You are earning that Star after your name, which represents the one that will be in your crown in heaven.
Breathe.. deeply... and remember what all of us with *'s have had to do. Think: Right foot forward, Left foot forward, Right Foot forward, Left Foot forward. .....and you will get through this. God Bless You.
Correction: Right foot forward, stumble, left food forward, right foot sideways, left foot stumble, right foot forward, two left steps backward, left foot forward, right foot forward, pause, right foot forward, left foot forward, pause, right foot forward, left foot forward, yeah....get the rhythm,and it is ok to stumble a bit.... Jim" I have a bit of a head start on you, but I was once where you are now. My entire life revolved around Audrey, and I was left ALONE....lost all my friends, gave up my hobbies, had to retire, and had to learn a totally different life. There are new beginnings, and so many unfamiliar situations to encounter. Take it slow, but never stop living.....
Jim, how heartwarming it is to hear that you had that special time with Kathryn ♥
When I read about how lost you are feeling, something that Phranque* said after losing his beloved Audrey came to mind.... it was something about going to a home show, he said they claim to have everything to make a house a home, so he hoped to find Audrey there so he could bring her home......
It hit my heart hard and stuck with me all this time. I am so sorry ((Jim))
Kathryn is still breathing and that is about all. The doctor told me her body is beginning to shut down and that she will not wake up again.
Phranque*, I guess during the course of the last six and a half years I have been luckier than most here. I have not lost one friend. I have given up hobbies but can pick them up again. My friends have continued to call and come by to visit and invite us both to dinners and Christmas parties and such. Kathryn never became mean or did some of the things some loved ones have done. The problem is I could not prepare for it because that would have meant giving up and that I could not do. I needed to believe we could beat it in order to continue to do what I needed to do. In many ways I guess I have had it easier than most until now. Once the end stage is near there is no easy path I guess. Because of my need to believe we could beat this I did not prepare myself for this part and now I am finding it very hard to deal with it.
Now I know we will not win and I am forced to except it.
I have been where you are now with my mother and I heed your words about preparing yourself, though we truly know that is really not possible. My neurologist actually told me that I need a counselor because I have no concept of how to cope with all of this though my DH is "stable" at present though declining inch by inch.
Our hearts collectively go out to you and we will be thinking of you with prayer. We are all here for you.
Jim, you actually have beaten it but it still wins. You have fought this vicious, insidious disease on it's own terms and have more than won...but in the end of the day it overpowers us and we can no longer keep it at bay or win. That doesn't diminish our victories over months or years, we kept it at bay and we won, even if it's only for a few months/years.
You and all the caregivers facing this horrible battle and outome (I too am on this journey) have fought the devil and have won. No we can;t change the outcome but we can change the journey...and yes, you have done that. It's courageus, frightening and scary, but YOU MY DEAR JIM ARE A WARRIOR. You changed the course of dear Kathryn's illness, fought the odds, loved her unselfishly and prevailed. If that's not a win, I don't know what is!!!
I think of all the wonderful, unselfish male caregivers on this site, and praise all of you for your devoted, unselfish love for your wives...it gives me faith in humankind that caregiving is just not the pervue of women.
Jim: Please don't ever have any thoughts of quilt on how you faced Kathryn's illness. Everyone handles it differently just like each spouse that has AD is different. We all did and most continue to do the best they can and based on many and various things we also approach the end in the only way we know how and what is most comfortable for us. This is just one of the many things in life where there is no right or wrong way to meet the final days. Both of you are in my prayers and I also pray for your strength which I know you will have. We all love you because you are a part of this wonderful family of supporting people. How blessed we all are that Joan opened up this blog for us to share so much for such a great reason.
Jim, I totally understand not accepting the fact that we will lose the battle against this horrible disease. Refusing to envision your life without your beloved makes this period extremely difficult to get through. The only consolation I can offer you is remembering the good times you gave Kathryn every day in spite of the disease. Keep strong - you have done all you could do.
Jim- I keep checking daily for updates on Kathryn. I only wish there was something I could do or say to make things easier for you. All I can offer is my prayers and support.
The doctor took me aside and told me that Kathryn has lost her “Higher Brian Functions which include four regions of the brain, the frontal lobes, parietal lobe, occipital lobe and the temporal lobe. Some of the functions lost are fine motor skill activity such as writing, problem-solving, spontaneity, memory storage and perceptions, language acquisition, judgment, impulse control, social skills, sexual behavior, movement, coordination, orientation, recognition, perceptions from environmental stimuli, processing of visual stimuli received, the ability to construct speech into audible patterns and furthers the comprehension of the spoken word and trigger actions.
Hospice is still keeping her pain free and comfortable. She looks at peace and they way they explained her condition is like that of a new born baby. She has involuntary reflex action and her heart is strong and she is breathing but at this point that is all she does and will not wake up again. They said she is totally unaware of what is going on around her or to her. She has now been 10 days with out eating or drinking anything at all.
Jim, so sorry to know of Kathryn's latest condition...even though our head knows what's coming, our heart refusesto even acknowledge it. I know you are thankful that your beloved Kathryn is not in pain. She can still hear you so your loving words will also bring her comfort. Love to you both.
Jim, you have fought a good fight. Like LFL, I believe that Kathryn can on some level know you are there with her. Say whatever you feel will help her. My prayers and thoughts are with you both.
Jim- treasure those last few moments...Audrey went over 40 days without food, and I treasure those memories when she was calm, at peace, and pain free. She was indeed like a new born baby, and my only advice to you is to love her, and not quit.
Sending thoughts and prayers. I believe that somewhere in the thousands of postings, somebody talked about lighting candles for someone. Do you suppose we could all light a candle for Kathryn?