After four years of dealing with the ramifications of my DH's AD diagnosis plus my full-time job, the household, closing his business, lawsuits, etc, I am taking a week away for myself. Our caregiver and my DH's daughter will switch off taking care of him that week. His daycare will take him all 5 days, rather than his scheduled 3 days which may confuse him, but I thought it would be better to have his days occupied so that he didn't get too stressed with me gone. He is at the start of stage 6.
Here is my dilemma: I was not going to tell him that i'm leaving until the day before, but my first day gone will be Monday the 25th - the FULL MOON! My DH has more OCD behaviors during a full moon and I can see them starting already. My story will be that I'm going to work on my company's out-of-town Board meeting, which I have always done and he remembers that. I want this to be as easy on all of us as possible but don't know if I should start telling him now to prepare him a bit (especially since this is a much more confusing time for him) or tell him just the day before. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.
Even if i tell DH my plans for the next day,by then he forgets I told him,so I'd wait until afew hours before you leave.But however you do it,please enjoy your respite.wish I could get away.
fiona68, I also have noticed that during the full moon cycle there is more aggressive behavioral problems with spouse. Personally, each person is different on handling things, but I would prepare him before. Perhaps write it down on a paper so he can read it...send him a postcard several days b-4 you leave so he receives it on the 1st day you are gone and send one for each day to comfort him. Take deep breaths...this is a respite for you! So relax and enjoy. lullie
Fiona68, I can only speak from my own experience, but if he remembers anything at all he will remember that you told him you are going out of town & will ask you when you are going every 20 minutes until you want to scream. (Or maybe he won't). If you do tell him too far ahead of time he might get stressed out thinking about you going away (or not). Just when you think he won't remember something THAT'S what he will remember. I know that some people here have told their LO'S things in advance & then wished that they wouldn't have. Sorry if this confuses you more, I just wanted to to weigh all the options.
I found with my dh when I had to go some place, which wasn't that often, I would always wait until the last min. to tell him because I knew he would fret and ask me a million times..."when and where are you going?"...So...when I waited and he would start to get upset...I would tell a fiblet...I would say "I've told you a hundred times I had to go and when I would be back". I think he never wanted to admit he forgot so he would just say.."Ohhhh, yes I know..hurry back".
Fiona68, I think you are such a roll model for all. Good for you to take some time to regroup and gain some self strength. Be sure to enjoy this venture, as you have earned it and need it so. Maybe it will be difficult for your DH, but he will recover just fine, and you will have benefited in such a necessary way...for both of you. Make the most of it! Hugs!
Thank you Janny*. He really isn't in a bad place right now (if you can discount full-moon behaviors) so i was feeling rather selfish for going away on my own. But your comment really makes me feel good. I'll raise a glass to you all as I sit watching the sunset with my wine.