I think my husband, diagonosed four years ago, has started to say goodbye to things he has always cherished. He has alway been a photog, and had a lot of photo equipment. This evening he dug out a lens that he hasn't used in in really long time, and has been trying how to figure out how to use it, and how to sell it. But he is really sad. He is reading books about his camera gear and now has gone upstairs where all of his equipment is. Has anyone else experienced this "saying goodbye?" Just kind of lost and afraid. He said to me tonight, "I just don't remember anymore."
pwiebe, I do not see my guy doing that, however, I do know that he sees himself fading, and he will look at me sometimes in fear and the tears roll down. I hope that you can give him lots of hugs and that helps a bit. Poor dear man.
Oh, how heartbreaking it all is.... yes, when my Lynn still knew what was happening, what was going to happen to him, he did things along this line too. The one that broke my heart the most was when he went to his workshop and boxed up his tools. He was a master builder, he loved his tools!!! When I asked why he was doing that, with tears rolling down his eyes, he held up his trusty hammer and said, " I can't remember what the name for this is"...... broke my heart for him, for us.
I don't think my dh ever knew or accepted he was getting worse. I really like to believe he might have known but he was trying to spare me and didn't want to talk about it. When he would talk about his condition he would always say..."I don't think I'm that bad." And, I would always reply..."I don't think you are either". He seemed to love the attention and care I gave him the last month and the hospice people that came and were so kind to him.
In the very beginning my dh said "I've lost so much of myself I'm not worth much anymore." Heart breaking. I told him he was worth lots to me. After that he really didn't seem to know.
One of the earliest worrisome AD signs for Clare was her lack of interest in things she had previously enjoyed doing. She stopped playing piano, stopped singing in the choir, stopped making albums for the trips we took, etc. Very common AD behavior ... and sad to watch
Thank you all for sharing your stories. I think it helps to know that I'm not alone, and that what my husband and I are experiencing is part of the journey.
My Ron was always a computer guy. At work he had one of the first PCs. (he's 82) About 3 years ago he got so he couldn't even figure how to turn it on. (the new one of course.) He used to call me to turn it on then sit with him so I could tell him how to do what he wanted. By 6 months ago he didn't know what he wanted to do after we got it turned on. now I sit here in front of him talking to you and he doesn't pay any attention at all.
I think my DH has been doing this for some time but very quietly. He doesn't say anything but he has not touched his golf clubs now in several years, then the fishing went by the by though now and then he says he would like to go fishing...and his passion was gold panning...and now he will say each time the guys come to get him is " this will be my last outing" but somehow they get him out and when they get to the diggins he always comments on how nice it is to be outside at the gold hole.They only find a few flakes and picnic, laugh and tell stories. They dig and he does the panning and he is the only one who comes home dirty! He used to read a great deal, pestered me for Killing Lincoln and Killing Kennedy by Bill O'Reilley and he got them for Christmas and he hardly looks at them....so in his way, I guess he is letting these things go.. Oh and for the first time since DX he has mentioned that he can't recall things and " what's wrong with me?" It is just too sad.