We are at the end of our journey. Lloyd fell on the steps Wednesday night and put his head through the window in the landing. The Roman shade and curtains protected him from the glass but there was severe injury from his own teeth and the impact. The ambulance took him to the ER and he was given 6mg ativan (4 w/o my knowledge or permission). Repeatedly asked his nurse to remove his dentures, clean up his face to see where all the injuries were, clear the dried blood out of his nose and mouth so he could breathe until I gave up and did it all myself. I asked if he would be kept and they said no, but had to call an ambulance to bring him home. The ambulance came and I had to bully them to give him an injection for pain before I would let them load him up.
Thursday I called Hospice and Friday they came and started the morphine and ativan. He has been unable or unwilling to eat or drink since Wednesday. I have gotten a few eyedroppers of water in him. Yesterday the Hospice nurse came and told his entire family (yes, now they are here) that he could go any time and couldn't last more than 10 days. After they were here (mom, 3 brothers, 2 SIL, 1 aunt, 8 cousins) from 10A until 5P, the nurse asked them to leave and limit their visits as they would if visiting in a hospital. His mother was upset and complained it was too far to travel back and forth multiple times (15 minutes) per day to see her dying son. Well, not my problem. She asked where the funeral would be and I told her at the funeral home. She said IF we had gone to church with them, we could have had the funeral at her church and a big meal after. Didn't respond to that. Her church is a half hour from here.
I wanted to do the "right" thing in regards to his 3 "invisible" children. Since his son had been here and I owe the 2 girls absolutely NOTHING I sent FB messages telling them they needed to call their brother...that was it.
Got a message back from the oldest saying "f*** u b**** and leave me the f*** alone". I did not respond. Why dignify that?
Lloyd is my focus now and that is it. Screw anyone who has a problem. I am not getting caught up in the drama. They are all going to have to deal with their own guilt. I have no guilt and no regrets. I promised him I would take care of him and be with him to the end. I am grateful that I have been able to keep those promises.
I have told him that I love him a hundred times. I have told him if he sees his Grandma, Grandpa, or my mom that he should go with them...that it is ok and that I will be alright. I have told him that my mom is waiting to dance with him and to give her a kiss on the cheek for me, tell her I love her and I'll be along later. I've asked him to hold our grandson and give him a kiss, too.
I have prayed for this a thousand times. I have seen him die already from this horrifying disease and now I have to watch him die that one last time. As much as I want this, I am in no way ready to lose him. I spend as much time as I can just laying next to him and touching his face, rubbing his arms, and telling him I love him.
I have comforted his mom, his brother, and his closest cousin and her daughter. It has infuriated my daughter who said they should be comforting me. She - Maria - is the one who gave up everything to come home so I could quit work and be here 24/7. It is MY family, MY grandchildren, and my grandsons' teenaged friends who have been here for me. It is my grandson's best friend who is only 19 and a home health aide who stayed here for the 2 whole days after he came home from the ER and helped me with everything.
My final salute to his family is cremating him and bringing him home with me where he belongs. Most of them were not here for him while he was sick and he will not be there for them to cry over his grave.
The hardest part of this is trying to help our 10-yr-old grandson who was one of Grandpa's favorites deal with this. He is being raised in the church so he knows that Grandpa is going to heaven, but it still breaks his heart. Lloyd never had much of a tolerance for kids, but he would sit and hold Evan for hours. Grandpa is the first person Evan rolled over for. Evan rolled across the room to get to him. All Lloyd had to do was say his name and Evan would stop in his tracks and fall on his tush and cry if he really hadn't wanted to stop. I told him Grandpa won't be sick anymore and will be able to talk again and that he is going to dance with the "old Momo" (my mom).
Wanted to update you - my old friends - who have been here with me through all of this. I love you all. Now I am going back to lay next to my sweetie and ride this thing out with him to the bitter end like I said I would.

I will second what Andy said. You've done well.

lindamc i pray for a peaceful passing for your dear lloyd, and that you are able to gain peace.

Linda, so sorry you are having to deal with family turmoil in the midst of caring for your DH. I am glad that you have the peace of knowing that Lloyd will be whole again soon, talking and dancing. You are in my prayers.

All of you are my port in a storm. Who could ever imagine that there could be so much inappropriate behavior when a LO is dying...especially right where they are dying.

Even though you got it back in the face Linda you did the right thing and I can hear you know it. I hope that your Lloyd is released from this as painlessly and peacefully as possible.

You have just taught me to find droppers so that I can at least moisten her mouth in my own likely future. Thank you.

Dear Linda, I know how it is to deal with families like this at this end time. Somehow you will get through it, and I pray God's grace to guide, comfort and uphold you. I found it necessary to have as little to do as possible with my husband's family. If you are nice to them because you want to honor the fact that they are your husband's family, they will only take that as a sign that they can come after you with even bigger guns. I'm glad you have your own family and, where you can, let them deal with his. Love from me to you.

You are a stellar person for just letting what ever negative input pass over your head without reaction, at least to them. So glad you are blessed with your family's positive love and using it for strength. So sad that you have had this sudden episode to endure, but glad you are understanding it as it is, and can spend this special moment of your lives together. My respect and comforting thoughts are sent to you along with my prayers.

Dear Linda, It's enough that you have lost your dear loved one, without also having to deal with family.
I admire your courage, may you have the strength and find peace in the coming days.

At my Dh's service, my son was on one side of me and DIL on the other side. I did not speak to step-daughter at all. She got up and sang a solo, which I had no idea she was going to do that. It was o.k. but I didn't acknowledge it at all.

Linda, So very sorry. I wish you peace, comfort and courage in the midst of the storm.

Lloyd is resting. I am giving him the morphine and ativan as scheduled. The nurse said those small amounts cannot choke him so no need to allow him to wake. The nurse had put a hospital gown on him because it was easier for me, but I put him back in jammies yesterday. He was always a very modest person so I am going with that. It is bad enough that he has his teeth out. He would be horrified.
His mother has been horrible. By the time the rumor mill had run its course, word was that my daughter had thrown her out. Truth is it was the Hospice nurse who said 15 minute visits. She said it was too far for her to drive here more than once a day and left in a snit and took all her relatives with her on Saturday. Got a message from the aunt that drove her home that said shame on Maria. Well, screw her and shame on all the people who were NEVER here until they could hover over his death bed. Maria is offended by them turning this into a "sideshow" because she loves him and has some sense. There is no shame in that.
Sunday I decided that I would smooth things over with his mom and attribute her behavior to grief. I really would rather bite my own tongue off and spit it on the sidewalk. So-o-o my SIL brought her over and I did all the shit people think I should - hugged her, told her I loved her, told her Lloyd loved her, said she could come any time she wanted, attributed everything to emotions running high. I said I thought she misunderstood Maria and she said oh no, she didn't so I just let it go. At least before Lloyd's dad left earlier in the day he had told Maria he was glad she was here.
Our 6-yr-old grandson came in the room yesterday and blurted out "Is Papaw dead?" in front of everyone. I said he wasn't and hoped that would be it, but no-o-o. The he wanted to know if Papaw was dying. Shooed him out after telling him that Papaw was going to heaven pretty soon.
I'm hanging in here. Appreciate all the thoughts and prayers. I am not letting anyone bother me. No one can bother you unless you allow them. I don't. Will keep you posted as things move along. Love and {{{hugs}}} to you all. I find myself feeling so badly for you that are still fighting the battle with no end in sight.

Linda Mc, you have done an excellent job with Lloyd and with the rest of the family, however, now is time for you to stay with Lloyd and help him on the last phase of this journey. Your soothing voice and your loving touch is what he needs, the others can wait. Soooo lock the door, get on the bed and rock your sweety to heaven. You have NO ONE to answer to right but Lloyd. I am praying for a peaceful and quick passing for Lloyd and for lots of patience and understanding for you. You are a true warrior and Lloyd is so blessed to have been loved and cared for by you.

What Shellseeker50 said..ditto ditto ditto.....
And find peace for yourself in being with Lloyd. He is so lucky to have you as his wife, best friend and once he is in heaven he will look after you in his new way. Blessings.