I am still battling my DH over his continued efforts to search for porn, dating websites, naked women, girls, you name it!! I have read him the riot act over & over about this without success. I put a blocker on the computer, but he still manages to find it... He continues to try and print this stuff out.....and just doesn't understand how upset it makes me. I know I am beating my head against a brick wall. Do I disable the computer or do I just let it go??? Ay yi yi!!!!!
You could fix it so he can't go into the internet at all. but, other than continue to block it, maybe contact the company of the software to find out is there is a way to lock it so it can't be unlocked without a password you seem to be doing what you can. Also, as hard as it is try to not let it get to you. I know, easier said than done.
I have to say something here about your reaction to his behavior. You said you have "read him the riot act over & over...without success". One of the first things you must learn about this disease is that you CANNOT reason with them. Their reasoning button is broken, will continue to be broken, and cannot be fixed. Trying to reason with someone with dementia accomplishes one thing and one thing only - makes those of us without dementia stressed out, depressed, aggravated, and hysterical. You will learn that we cannot change THEIR behavior; we can only change OUR reaction to it. Which in your case of the porn situation is to stop arguing with him and make up your mind what you want to do about it. You can, as our members have suggested:
Disable the Internet Change the password Block all porn sites (not sure if that is possible) - I think it is - something to do with childproof controls, but I don't know how to do it. Or, if the behavior is confined only to your home and your computer, do as Linda Mc advises and ignore it.
Although I continue to struggle with various behaviors, I can tell you from experience that once I adjusted to what I could not change, my stress level dropped dramatically.
Fergie, I have deal with this along with "escort" services very recently. I also used the blocker, but what really worked to stop the internet porn was to minize the tool bar down to 10 percent. He never figured out how to enlarge it so all he could see was a postage size stamp on nudies. What your credit cards on the internet. As Joan said "read him the riot act" won't work because you can't reason with them. I am assuming that your husband also has FTD which will cause hypersexuality. Talk to his neuro doctor and possiblity they can give him an a medicine to reduce this. (This never helped in my husband's)....within a few months after I discovered the internet porn I discovered the "escorts". Check his phone call logs (that's how I discovered his "apts" with these hookers). I feel for you because I completely understand the frustations and disappointment this causes. WATCH ATM WITHDRAWLS! hugs to you
Depending on your browser where most people use internet explorer there is a 'tools' tab probably at the upper left. Clicking that once brings up the 'internet options' tab. Click that once and you will see a menu pop up that includes a 'parental control' tab. There you can set some options and put in a password. I suggest the password noporn. You won't forget that.
Other browsers are a bit different but most will offer some form of child protection. If you are the administratror of the computer you may not be able to access parental control because it's all set up as one user.
You also have a content advisor tab. You can click on nudity and slide the bar to none. That filters a fair bit of it out.
You are right that your DH does not understand how upset it makes you when he turns on porn. He will never understand no matter how many times you read him the riot act. His brain cannot comprehend what you are saying or why--his brain cells are damaged--he cannot stop what he is doing. You can try all the techie stuff suggested, but another time something else may upset you that is not on the computer. You can't keep arguing with him about anything. His looking at porn has NOTHING to do with you and his feeling about you or other women. Once you internalize that fact, you will see pron as just another thing that AD people do--like wandering, incontinence, sleep problems--on and on. Try to put it in is proper place relative to his disease so that you can relax and keep calm in the home. Right now you are just making things worse. Hopefully the techie stuff will work, but everyone here knows he can't help it and you can't stop it. Take the advice of those here who have the experience, advice about porn and everything else. Keep posting, let us know how it goes, you have understand it's a symptom of the disease and to calm down, that's the best thing you can do for yourself.
Also, you might want to remove the ink containers from the printer and hide other ones if you have them. That would limit any printing of the porn and him giving them to someone else that might not be good....like a child.
As others have said, you are not going to be able to “fix” your DH’s thinking.
This may sound crazy, but if it were me I think I might try to channel his “hobby” by providing him with images that might appeal to him but are less pornographic. If you go on Google and click “Images” and type in “pin-up girl” you will see images of women that are designed to appeal to men, but do not contain outright nudity. You could print these out and make him his own little pin-up girl book. Would I ever suggest that in a non-dementia world? No! But when dealing with dementia - you have to be flexible and think outside the box.
And then I would set-up a password to the computer and tell him you don't know why it's asking for a password - it must be part of a new Windows Update. Tell him you’ve called the tech people to get them to come and fix it, but they are backed up for weeks. I would not allow him access to the computer at all. He could get into all kinds of trouble with minors – trouble that won’t be forgiven just because he has dementia.
There are commercial products for filtering which sites web browser can reach. They are intended for children and I normally don't recommend them because some of them also aim at filtering sites based on political views. The publisher's views, not yours. Also problems with reaching sites with information on breast cancer and the like.
But I think you need to be sure to limit the amount of money he can spend. Set up different accounts on the computer, one for you and one for him. This way he can't get into your stuff and the limits you place on him won't affect you.
Ferggie, my husband was also "addicted" to inernet porn. It eventually ran it's course because his ability to use a computer declined and he moved on to other behaviors. It lasted about 2.5 years. The only other suggestion I can add is perhaps his dr will prescribe something like Risperidal which I'm told may help with the hypersexual behaviors.
Thank you all for your input. I know I can't change him, and arguing about it doesn't help. I did ignore it for awhile, but after a long day at work, I just snapped!! I apologized to him and he was OK....I felt really bad because he was sad after I yelled at him....but I have yelled before, and apologized, and you are all right.....it's like "Groundhog Day!" So, I have decided to block whqt I can, take the ink out of the printer...and I am not even going to look at the History button. I told him if he wanted to print anything to let me know and I will print it for him. I feel better already!!
Also, if he insist or you have no choice to keep some peace - limit where these pictures can be. In his office, shop or in a book. Minimize the battle and maybe by some mircle this phase will pass quickly. If you are not stressed it will go by more quickly. I like the idea of pin-up girls. I use to work for a publishing company years ago that printed books with the pin-up girls of WWI and WWII. They were quite popular.
Also, can you partian your computer (or whatever it is called) so there is his and yours. His you can put all the restrictions you can find including reducing down to 10%.