my husband has alwaysbeen very quiet and to himself and i just registered again because we moved and i couldnt remember my password and my email had changed a couple times my husband has gotten to the need sex all the time he frustrates me i dont want to go to bed at night it becomes a struggle in nastyness i have read some post on this and i know its an issue with alzheimers it seems hes lost all kinds of the way he used to be he farts and belches in public loudly like hes trying to be a specticle its embarrassing he gets mouthy now so for me i hate to go out with him the sex thing he hasnt been able to preform for over 2 yrs dosent stop him from grouping and getting me frustrated then going to sleep but the whole thing leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth because of how it ends up nasty words and me feeling guilty he is in his 5th yr of alzheimers at least since hes been diagnosed we just moved to florida i took an early retirement as he started having tias or mini strokes and i went with his wishes to move here we bought a trailer in a park and here we are i know i couldnt work and leave him alone anymore but its hard changing your whole life any tips
I went through the same thing with Lloyd still feeling the need but not being able to perform. That was the end of 2010 and now there is no sex at all. When certain things happen for the first time it makes me crazy. Before long I adapt and it's not so bad anymore. Just remember it's the disease talking and acting out , not your husband. Put yourself in his shoes and imagine how frustrating it must be for him. If it embarrasses you that much, don't take him out in public for awhile. If he asks to go somewhere, try to tell him why you feel you can't. He may get it. He may not. Plant a little friend in your brain that tells you "he has Alzheimer's and I am doing the best I can". It is life altering to stick it out with a spouse with this disease. Try not to think about it and analyze it, and say "what if". All of that is fruitless. It is what it is and you gotta do what you gotta do. Hang in there, be strong, and come here for support. These people are my second family. I couldn't make it through one day without coming here. {{{Hugs}}}
Many of us have been through the "sex thing" so you're not alone. With my husband it lasted for 2.5- 3 years; he was inetersted in sex, touching women, internet porn, etc. Thankfully that stage passed-it was difficult to go through.
You do not mention if your husband is on any medications for his AD and his behaviors. Seroquel was really helpful in moderating my husbands behaviors and he had no side effects. Of course the decision to medicate is a personal one however I would never have made it this far without the seroquel and other meds for DH.
As LindaMC says, perhaps you stop taking him out for a while if he embarasses you, but that means you're in "jail" too. Can you distract him or bribe him with something (cookie, piece of candy, etc) to get him to stop his behaviors while you're out?
This is a difficult journey for all of us, hopefully rejoining this group will help make it easier for you and give you support. Like LindaMC says, I couldn't have come this far without this website...I too visit at least once a day.
I have found it is very much like having a small child except physically they are harder to handle. When small children misbehave, you take them out of the environment and give them a time-out. My husband is end stages now. He cannot do anything for himself and I mean NOTHING! Oh, he can walk and he can get confrontational, but that is about it. I take him to the toilet, sit him down stand him up, wipe his butt, clean up his accidents, shower him, dry him off, shave him, take his teeth out, clean them, clean his mouth, put the teeth back in, dress him, put his shoes on, tie his shoes, put his medicine in his mouth, hold a glass to his mouth, cut up his food, feed him, tell him to chew, tell him to swallow. And at night when he is tired, I hold his hands and walk backwards and pull him up the steps to bed. Oh, he walks all over the house and up and down the stairs all day long until it's time to go to bed. I personally would much rather stay home than take my chances out somewhere with him. Oh, I used to take him places with me. I would take him on a quick trip to the store and if he misbehaved, we would leave immediately. Then I would usually have to spend 30 minutes to an hour with him trapped by our open car door trying to get him back in the car. I even had a couple tell me they ran a nursing home if I wanted to put him somewhere. I told them to go recruit somewhere else. Maybe once a month I will take him to a restaurant that we have always gone to. I have to put him in a booth and slide in next to him so he is trapped. I have had him run through a Bob Evans like a maniac and out their fire door setting the alarm of while I tried to pay quickly so I could get out there and gather him up. No thank you!!! The time comes when "there's no place like home". And he cannot communicate, talk on a phone, dial a phone, work the TV or its remote and hasn't driven in over 3 years. Maybe I am a prisoner, but it is my choosing!
I'm with you,Linda Mc. it is much less nerve racking to just stay home and I really don't mind. The kids say,"Take him with you,it will do him good",huh,little do they know. I try to get out once a week to do the errands,I hire someont to come in,but at $20. an hour ,it makes shopping pricey.
Absolutely Carolyn*. One weekend with both of us to the mountains, sure woke my girls up even though they were used to seeing him almost every day. They said they wished their brother would take him out overnight. Nothing like the "real deal".
thank you i can do with the no sex its been 2 yrs anyway its the trying and nothing and he insist on trying we go places and our son lives 20 miles away so we can go there and the burping and farting are not as bad as the racial stuff he says gonna starta war and he wont know why . he get board easy when we go to sons he will space out and go to sleep its just starting to be more obvious to family and since im not working now i think it bothers me more i will survive i was a nurses aid a long time ago and can still deal with what i have to it just helps to see that im not alone sometimes
Linda 5255, I understand how embarrassing taking your spouse out can be. Mine seldom showers nor shaves and will wear the same dirty britches day after day...he looks like he's homeless. His behavior is worse...swearing and yelling at me in public. He also has a heighten sexual desire ( not for me) but to escort services. This "sex thing" seems to be common among those suffering from temporal lobe damage. There are several of us here whose spouses have this disorder and it's comforting to know that we aren't alone. LFL husband (as she shared) has had this problem and fortuntely she's shared that this will past with time. I don't know if I can handle it 2.5 years. The only way I can handle it is to emotionally divorce myself from him. I no longer love this person and I like him even less. He's rude, insulting, selfish and a general pain in the ass. He's very ungrateful and does his best to piss me off. I have found this website a godsend. The members are the best. Come here often and vent. Nobody judges you because they understand.
Can I relate to most of the stuff here. He never did the porn thing....thank goodness.
But when he was refusing to let me drive his truck and then I said fine you can stay home and have him throw his keys at me and just missing my face....well......
Amber, my spouse doesn't like me driving his truck either. He lost his driver's license (doctor's orders) only two months ago so I believe he resents that I can drive his vehicle and he can't. I can understand how frustrating it would be not to drive....having to depend on someone to haul you around..don't know how long this adjustment period will be I look for it to last for some time.
My DH is in assisted living facility and tells me that the women working there have been taking advantage of him. I was wondering if he was making this up? He does talk about it a lot. I talked to another male worker and he said he would check into it. I now think he was imagining it.
Beach girl, it's good to see you posting again. That's a new one for this board: women staff members taking advantage of a male patient. In what way? What if it's true? Keep us up to date!
When DH was in the Assisted Living facility he needed help showering, but was uncomfortable with the young female aide helping him. I asked why and he answered that it was because he was naked and he was afraid "she'd try something." I told him that was strictly against the rules and he was so glad to hear that and quit worrying. The director of the place almost fell on the floor laughing when I told her.
Beachgirl, it's possible but probably not likely. I would speak with the director of the Assisted Living facility, let him/her know about your husband's comments, make sure it's noted in his file (for future reference) and ask if they've had any other complaints. When DH was in ALF for a few weeks he did have an incident where another resident (female) would come into his room and lie in his bed, leave "notes" for him and even tried to get into bed with him. I reported it to the director so there would be a record in case something happened - I didn't want anyone accusing him of being the aggressor.
In his facility my DH would get into the beds of others, male or female. I remember one man couldn't get him to leave so he lifted the mattress on its side & tumbled him out. One woman who was in diapers yelled 'rape, rape,' and that had to be 'investigated' and determined there was nothing to it. So this happens, but it's a good idea to have a record in their file of such things.