I invite you to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read today's blog. I thought it was time to laugh through the tears, and bring a little tongue in cheek humor to the latest incident in our Alzheimer household. Please post comments here.
I enjoyed your blog - it certainly rang true! A laugh is needed at times to try to dispel the sadness in watching them lose interest in the things that used to bring them such joy.
My DH isn't in the apathetic stage yet. Whenever he sees pretty girls in magazines or Catalogs, he's bound and determined to divorce me and go to California to find them. Today, I was tempted to help him on his quest, I was so aggravated with him. Hundreds of times a day, asking when he can go back to daycare. Cannot understand what day it is, marking the calendar didn't help. I'm at my wits end! He goes to bed and gets up and dressed again 20 minutes later and this goes on til about 2am ..... Ok, I feel better now. Just needed to vent.
i buy tabloids at the grocery store to entertain us and after i read them:) i give to my DH who is late stage 7. i open it to pages of pretty women, and i see him looking at the pictures of bikini clad gorgeous girls and he kisses the magazine. i think at this point its an awww' moment. it makes me happy that he can still feel some emotions of a beautiful woman. and hes definately a toucher when it comes to his nurses and aides. not in a bad way but hes so very gentle and touches their arm or hair. he does the same to me. so his awareness is still in place, amazing. i find it quite endearing.
I can relate to your blog. Disinterest in activities was one of the first symptoms I noticed even before he was formally diagnosed. For a while I would try to "get him excited" about something--anything. But then the more I learned about the disease, I gave that up. One of the things I have learned about the disease is that we must own our own feelings whatever they are, acknowledge them, perhaps talk them over with a friend, and move on. Where I made the mistake was for a long time whenever my husband seemed down, depressed, or disinterested in activities (which is most of the time now) I tended to be also. We must own our feelings and not take on what they are feeling. Their feelings are their own. I am getting ready to start the placement process. I visited the care coordinator at my local Alz office yesterday and she was very encouraging. She said the reason most people hang on to their loved ones at home was simply because they do not want to deal with it (it meaning, grieving, change, upheaval) and all the rest. She said these things are inevitable and postponing them does not prevent them. She told me that once I place him I will be able to grieve (a lot of crying) and I must say I have not cried a lot--my grief has manifested itself in anger and irritability. I am hoping to be able to be more compassionate when I do not have the 24/7 caretaking thing.
Joan--my husband had the same taste in women as Sid :) I've haven't tried pointing out a shapely woman to him, but I'm sure he'd have the same non-reaction at this point. I'm happy and amazed that he still recognizes me and sometimes will look at me and say "pretty, pretty". He still likes to hug and kiss, and even tries to kiss his favorite caregiver at the ALF. I haven't been able to visit him for over a week now, home with a cold/sinus thing. I sure do miss him, even in his current state.
oh what sweet stories, I just love it. Kissing the magazine and pretty pretty it just warms the heart.
Dado has always been such an upstanding prude, would never say it..but of course loves the ladies. When I look through magazines with him, and point to beautiful women, he always says "Maggie" This is SO FUNNY as she is really not that beautiful....(hope you are not lurking here Mugs lol). She is someone I have know since high school.
How cool are we, to want our mates to feel warm sexy feelings, and to encourage it.
You kids make me laugh. My motto was "Never awaken a sleeping giant". Here in the old folks neighborhood I am going to have to watch what I say. I've been ask by one nice man if I like to travel and that he does not like to go alone with a wink. I was on the treadmill last week another one wanted to know if I would like to have a companion because he know several widows who would be interested. My children thought it was funny but I am wondering what kind of signals I am sending out. I know I am not ready for fun and games yet.
Bama - how funny. Just enjoy it and take it at face value with an ounce of caution. In time you will find out if there is anything to worry about. You could always ask other women if these guys are ones to worry about.
oh Miss Bama@!@ you cougar! haha.. i think they are seeing what we see here. a lovely mature lady who is fun and lots of laughs. and smart to boot! i wish you luck sweetie, you might even enjoy the attention.! divvi
MIss Bama*, maybe give em a peek of those big girl panties and then see how their libido reacts.....(make sure they are the BIG GIRL ones. not lacy and frilly lol)
thanks to Miss Bama we all have a pair of those big girl panties in our drawers for special occasions! i know when i put mine on and pull them up tight like she says to i walk a little straighter and head higher and my problems seem smaller@ :) just maybe they already know shes got hers on? hehe.. good one coco. we love you miss bama! just messin with you. grin
Bama....just got your e-mail with lots of very helpful info. Thanks so much. Sounds to me like you are enjoying your new home area. I do believe I will go look at this 55 and older place tomorrow or the next day. At least I would see another human that might just say ..."hello...how are you today". I go for weeks or at least days without ever seeing anyone that I know. It is diving me crazy. I feel like I am stuck on...lonely.
Coco...you know I am so proud of how you have handled your situation. I knew you were a fighter and a strong person. Keep up the good work and keep healthy...you got alot of living yet to do.
Charlotte, don't worry.Caution is my middle name. Divvi, bama and cougar should never be in the same sentence. Coco, lacy and frilly can be tough and Judith, look at the 55 and over place. You might like it. I believe we need to be open to new experiences. Just today I ordered something new from the menu. That's about as wild as I get. You know the traveling sounded like a lot of fun, To bad my values would never let me do that. Now, if he wants to hold hands and watch HGTV he's my kind of man. Okay, you may laugh now.
I see the apathy too...sometimes I ask a question and get little response and for certain he does not follow the plot unless it is one of his all time favs and knows it like the Godfather.
And now the questions that come up are stunners...things he used to know he doesn't. We have an appt with the neuro on the 12th and I almost dread it. As an aside, I had an appt yesterday for me with him..he was very concerned about my being on Valium for stress and anxiety. I had a very long appt with him and was flat out beat at the end of it as it was kind of intense but I appreciated his insight and compassion. He tells me I should take Zoloft which scares the P*&* out of me as I had a terrible reaction to Lexapro and the valium seems to be doing the trick....also recommended some counseling. Filled the rx but still chicken to take it.
I really thought yesterday was going to be a come to Jesus meeting about placement but it wasn't but the 12th might be a different story..Just so sad. When the doctor was talking about my DH yesterday, he mentioned how he admired him, and how sad it is to see this disease claim this man in this way and he had tears in his eyes as he spoke....what a wonderful doctor.