Someone should put these tremendous entries into a permanent record or something. Just knowing that a complete (?) strangers can have that much compassion to share is mind bending. It restores the positive part of my mind to read them. But there is always something negative about this disease. I have an unusual one now. They told me today during my monthly conference at the home that my husband is SO much better when I don't come. He is so much less agitated about going home when I don't come. That is good I guess, but I miss him. After 55 years of marriage it gets pretty lonely around here. But thank you to all you tender people! You truly do save the day!
I've thought that that is just a phase they go through; they think that they would be all better if only they were at home. Your visits are of prime importance, if for no other reason than that the staff know you will be in and will be on top of things. Your husband, too, knows on a deep level that he can count on you, and it keeps him going. In my opinion, it was thoughtless and unkind of the staff to say that to you and more to make themselves look good than to be understanding of the whole situation. Maybe choosing a different time to visit, say at mealtime, and you could help him with his meal and then make him comfortable for a nap, would work best.
Carol, thank you so much. That was beautifully said!
Midwestmn, that's the heartbreak. They are better not remembering their past lives sometimes, but it hurts us so much to be without them. When my DH is placed, I'm planning to volunteer somewhere that I can hold babies. That's one of the most joyful things I can think of. Hopefully that will repair some of the heartache. Hugs to you.
midwestmn, I agree with mary75* it was VERY thoughtless & unkind of the staff to say that to you. What do they think? That you are going to stop visiting him because they say he is much better when you don't visit? For me the best time to go visit my DH is about an hour or so before lunch. When lunch comes I put him at a table with his back towards the door & I sit with him until he finishes about half his lunch & then I tell him that I am going to the bathroom & I leave. Or I wait until he is finished with lunch & I get him settled in his bed for an afternoon nap. I must tell you that I think my DH is further along then yours because he doesn't ask to go home & he doesn't ask me to stay. Don't let them intimidate you into not going as often as you want. It's YOUR decision & you have every right to go when you want!
Elaine and Fiona, heartwarming advice from you both. Yes, holding babies would do the trick for sure. Or even puppies if they would stay still long enough. It does go better if I visit early enough in the morning to talk and the have lunch with him. Elaine, we've visited before and I see you have your email address on view. I will write to you soon. As you said earlier, we perhaps have things in common with husbands at the approximate same stage. Blessings and embraces to you both.!