My DH does not turn lights off. He turns them on but not off. He goes out doors, so has to open them, but does not close them. I come home from my little job and the door outside wide open. He tells me that he is right there in his Garage. i try to explain that the heat is on. In the summer it is the air. I am always going behind him to turn lights off. I came home today and the refrigerator door wide open. His mom came and got him. It was that way for 4 hours. He never flushes the commode. He gets things out of the cabinets and leaves the door open. I know he has forgotten where the light switches are. But he finds them to turn them on. I know this is little things, but it is driving me crazy. He leaves the TV on when his mom or sister come to get him. He said people would think we are home and not break in. I know he cannot use the remote. I have asked them to come in and check things when they get him. I told them to tell him they need to use the restroom. I know all these things are typical, but as I said it is really getting to me. Just needed to vent.
I know where you are coming from. My DH also does not flush (except the day he flushed the facecloth down and I had to call the plumber). Our refrigerator door will not stay open but he gets the gallon of milk out and leaves it on the counter till I fine it two hours later. Four or five times a day I find the "Depends Guards for men" in the clothes hamper and the underwear in the wastebasket. I also find the doors open but not too often as he now seldom goes outside. Oh, the joys of dementia.
jackiem29---The behavior you're dealing with is fustrating and rritating, but it is also concerning. There is nothing to stop him from turning on water or the stove and either can be dangerous as well as damaging if he doesn't turn them off. Just because he hasn't doesn't mean he won't. I really think you need to be arranging in-home help or Day Care.
Oh jackiem29 -- I feel your pain! My DH does quite a bit of the same. Forgets to put butter and/or jelly back in the fridge after using, used to put soiled undies very neatly back in his drawer -- now he doesn't even take fresh ones at all, I have to make sure I bring in clean ones for him while he showers. He usually leaves the TV on when he goes out for walks because he turns off the cable box manually and can't find the off button for the TV. I don't work (although I should be for financial reasons) so I'm around most of the time. But you are so right -- it's very frustrating. One of the few bright spots for me is that he has forgotten that there are certain foods he doesn't like. So today he actually had three helpings of corn and he would always absolutely refuse to eat it! After 30 years of marriage, I finally got him to eat corn!
Hang in there and remember we're all in this crazy boat together -- take a deep breath and remember that there are hundreds of us out there every day going through the same caregiving woes. And somehow we'll all make it.
While there is a cost to doing some of these things perhaps they MIGHT be at least a little helpful.
I have changed more than a few light switches over to the motion detector type. They turn themselves on, AND OFF(!)
There exist spring type automatic door closers that replace a hinge pin on the door. They are cheap and can be installed without any drilling. The spring is not strong enough to latch the door, but it at least closes it.
I unscrewed and lengthened the FRONT legs on our refrigerator so that it is no longer level and leans 'backwards'. While some bottles and things will roll against the back wall, it also means that if the door is opened at anything less than a 90 degree angle, it closes automatically.
Adding rubber bands or ties to the cabinets he should not be in anyway might make for one less door to close.
Toilets? and laundry? I have finally learned to just expect it. (but it has taken a while)
Some of these suggestions I found in the book "Alzheimer's Proofing Your Home". http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Guide-Alzheimers-Proofing-Revised-Edition/dp/1557532028
M-mman those are great suggestions. Thanks everyone. It is so comforting just to have some place to come and vent. I so feel for all of you in this crazy boat. Some days are easier than others. I think, no, I know I need a break. It has been awhile since I have had one outside of short errand runs.
I posted a leave the switches alone on the light switch because our ceiling fan is turned on with with the remote...but that makes no never mind...And he locks the doors and turns out lights, and plugs up the toilet now and then if you get my drift....asks the same questions over and over, and takes forever taking meds in the morning...some days it is just too much...
My biggest pet peeve is that he flushes the toilet incessantly! Drives me up the wall. He also has started chanting when his sundowning kicks in about 8:30pm til 1 or 2am. Up and downstairs, dressed then undressed again, thinks it's time to leave for daycare at midnight. Sheesh! Thank goodness for the old discussion threads on all these topics. They've taught me how to cope. PS:he also talks to the guy in the mirror, last night he kept turning the bathroom light off and on; asking the guy if he wanted it left on or not. You gotta laugh!
Caroisi*2 has a good point, about the safety issues. When my DH started leaving the gas stove on, cut the pipes to the bathtub so that it flooded the downstairs, I used my blog to show his nuero the dangerous things he was doing, and that was what prompted the neuro to write a letter for me recommending Adult Day Care, which then prompted a Medicaid process and eventual approval. Of course that did come with the verdict that he could never be left alone again.
Maybe adding a door alarm to the fridge would help him to close the door. Here's a link to one you can make, but I am sure someone must sell one as well: http://www.instructables.com/id/Fridge-Door-Detector-Alarm/
My husband never closed cabinet doors in the kitchen or elsewhere even before he was dx'd with dementia! What is it with the toilet? He either flushes too much or not at all. And apparently is is the place to put all sorts of things-flashlights, was clothes, miscellaneous stuff, the toilet bowl freshener, etc. That drives me crazy because I have to call a plumber to unclog the toilet and just for the plumber to come out is $100.00!
I have been dealing with all these things for a year or more,and I know how frustrating they get.But then I decided that it's not worth getting upset about,I was getting myself in an uproar over thing that really didn't matter/ I tell myself each day that this too shall pass. But I also take the knobs off the gas range,turn the water off under the kitchen and bathroom sinks,put big signs on the frig(doesn't always work)check to see that lights are turned off(doesn't use that much elec. if they are on) put a deadbolt on basement and garage door.DH has been much more pleasant since I don't keep reminding him to close the door,turn water off, flush toilet,etc.And my BP has gone down.As someone suggested on here before,you have to pick our battles. Good advice.Thanks to that person!
DH doesn't turn the lights ON - he turns them OFF! He will start upstairs and I turn the lights on below and at the top - before he starts up,he turns the bottom light OFF! I turn it back on and tell him I CAN'T SEE and then he'll leave it on. But he goes around the house turning all the lights off. Go figure. He also will see a piece of link on the floor (that I would ignore) and he picks it up!
Right, Vickie--pick your battles---but wouldn't it be nice to fuss and fight then just MAKE-UP like we used to in the days before this demon took over all our lives!!!
Has anyone tried the 'self flushing retrofit' items for Toilets. I just googled self flushing toilets and Overstock has them for $69.00. I doubt we would be able to install them ourselves (maybe some of you could!), but that would solve one of the problems I'm reading about. I know there are self closing cabinet hinges,too.
I'd be interested to hear from anyone who installed the auto flush as well. I've notice my DH has started forgetting to flush just in the last few weeks. Finding that in the morning is not a happy way to start the day.
The one on Overstock has some negative comments (I've found gadgets on Overstock are usually there for a good reason - they don't work well). But there is one on Amazon that gets good reviews: http://www.amazon.com/Rubbermaid-Commercial-FG750831-Length-Height/dp/B005KCJ6SA/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
Here is a video about installing that one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-gZaKsyp_s&feature=player_embedded
I'm sure I could install it and would do it in a heart beat as long as it works.
I wonder, though, how long the battteries last. And the once a day courtesy flush doesn't thrill me - I hate the thought of all that wasted water. But I guess it is better than the alternative....
update: just noticed it says "Long battery life, 3 plus years or 100000 flushes"
Bak. I would love to have arguments like we use to. Now he gets off track right off the start. But at least he does not remember we even had one. I do pick my battles. It took me awhile to do this. I am not perfect with this my any means. . All the little things are really just a nuisance more than anything. I can deal with the non flushing, because at least it is in the toilet. I do miss having my DH to talk to and confine in and debate with. That debate means argue with. Haha. Sometimes it just builds up. I guess a constant reminder of what we all deal with everyday.
There is a very fine line between frustrating/irritating behaviors and dangerous ones. I agree with Carosi2*'s point that it sounds like supervision is needed for jackiem29's husband. In determining when that's the case I suppose it depends on how much of a risk-taker the caregiver is--I was always about preventing potential catastrophies from happening, rather than chancing that a disaster would occur. The problem is, dementia behaviors are very unpredictable and once the person begins to forget things like shutting the door, etc., they can easily do something to endanger their life or someone else's.
My DH forgets to close the car door. I do all the driving, take groceries, etc out of the car. We just noticed the car door open, for the last 4 hours. He just lost his glasses, in the house. He has been sitting in his recliner all after noon. We looked everywhere for his glasses. He forgot what he was looking for, brought me a jar of small change, wanted to know if that was "it", traced his footsteps. The only place he was, was in the bathroom. There were his glasses, sitting on top of the toilet paper roll. This gets worse every day. Not only does he not flush the toilet, he can't put his seat belt on. I am getting really frazzled. It seems like I have to have eyes on him 24 hours a day. He seems to realize he is getting worse.
Mary's Your DH is mine. He also doesn't close the car door. He can't operate the seatbelt either. He also forgot how to tie his tie. And he lost his glasses again. He has two pair so we have a back up. One time they were in the yard for a year. Then he took them off and hung them up outside some where this time I don't know where they are. We have the things that go on the neck to hold them, but that doesn't help either. How long since your DH was DX? Mine was in 2007 but I noticed changes in 2003. He is now 61. I am 10 years younger.
I'm just as happy that he doesn't flush. I'm always finding things that shouldn't be in the toilet, like paper towels, wrappers from his depends "Guards", the pads themselves, and great wads of Kleenex. I rather fish that stuff out than call the plumber. Just got the bill today from the facecloth flushed down a couple weeks ago. It was $133.00.
The thing that really drives me nuts is finding wet jeans and underwear in the drawers with the clean stuff, in the closet on the floor or worse, hanging with his clean shirts, or worse yet in MY closet hanging with my clothes. I also find wet underwear tucked under his pillow or under the covers at the foot of the bed. Great fun!
Jackiem29, my DH was diagnosed in 2005, but had problems for 5 to 8 years before that. He has not driven in years. I think he has hallucinations, last evening he seemed to think there were other people in the house. Sometime, out the blue will ask where is Catherine, our granddaughter who is 18 and lives with her parents. Or he may ask who is coming tonight or when are we going. I try to reassure him that no one else is here and we have no place we have to go. I spend a lot of time with him in the same room. If I leave the room to do something, he sometimes gets upset if he can't see me. He goes to day care three days a week and that is when I try to clean and do errands, but I never seem to get caught up.
Hubby likes to keep the curtains and blinds closed and as a former Alaskan, I crave light, so we have a "fun" game of opening and closing blinds all day. He does like to be helpful but now putting silverware in the drawer has gotten too hard--sorting small/large forks and spoons frustrates him but even telling him the sorting doesn't matter doesn't help. I can't let him put anything away like his wallet, keys or glasses because he puts them in random places. He'll often discover them by himself later and proudly come show me. When I ask "where were they?" he can't remember where he just found them. And I can never go outside without my keys. He locks the door even if we step onto the porch. I've hidden extra keys outside but it's still frustrating. Anyone can tolerate a little of this aggravation, but it's all day long, day after day that makes it so hard.
I try to take him seriously but sometimes I have to laugh a little. We were coming out of Costco and he pointed to a parking spot and said "that would be a good one." He always helps me look for spots so I guess he forgot we weren't in the car at the moment.
Bunny's Lamb. My DH also thinks that the kids or someone is coming by. He thinks if I leave the house that I did something with them. One lives 10 hours away and the other 4 1/2 hours away.
Oh I hit post before I was ready. That was for MaryD. I was going to tell Bunny's Lamb, that I will always think of her when I am parking now. I am the one that always says there is a park. If my girls are home, they will say just park! Maybe I have a problem, because I always comment on a better park. Haha. I need to hide a house key outside. I have been locked out once, but he let me back in. Fun times!!!
I keep keys hidden outside also. one in the garage and one in the back yard. Same key fits all the doors. With the freezing weather I am afraid he will lock himself out when I have gone grocery shopping. I remind him every few days where the hidden keys are, but he can't remember. He hasn't gone out since the cold weather unless I am out for some reason, then he will follow me. last year he broke a window to get in when I was not here.
We have an automatic garage door opener with a outside keypad and a key that opens the door into the house hidden in the garage. Claude didn't wander so I never had to worry about him going outside on his own.
I'm the world's #1 klutz. Last year I fell inside and couldn't get up. I always carry my cellphone with me even in the house when I'm alone. I called the friend we gave the code number to. She came, let herself inside and helped me up. Thankfully I didn't break anything that time. If there wasn't a way for her to get in or I didn't have my cellphone, I could have laid their for several hours until my kids came home as neither were available by phone at that time.
When we had the house we live in now renovated, I had keypad locks put on all the doors. Like these: http://www.amazon.com/Schlage-FE595VCAM619ACC-Camelot-Keypad-Lock/dp/B000NJJ1TY I love them--no worry about locking oneself out and I can set a different combination for our caregiver. Our main code is related to our son's birthday and my husband still knows it. If I wasn't home and he fell and couldn't get up he could give it when he called 911.
On the topic of lights...mine goes room to room searching for a light on to turn off. He doesn't care if your in the the room or not. He could care less if I can't see. I walked into the wall the other night trying to turn the light back on only to hit my nose square in the wall OUCH!